Colin Cotterill - Curse of the Pogo Stick

“If I may continue,” Civilai huffed, “there was no course for external teachers in 1964, 1965 or ‘66. In fact, Dong Dok didn’t run any external courses at all in those days. Red light number one.”

“Meanwhile,” Dtui joined in, “Phosy and I were having a leisurely breakfast at home. Civilai got a note to us telling us Bounlan had been lying and our Plan 34B should go into effect.”

“Actually, there was just the one plan,” Daeng put in. “We assumed someone would be watching Dtui and Phosy so we made it obvious they’d be going to Dong Dok without an armed escort.”

“I called the hospital on the communal police dormitory phone and told them I’d be at the college,” Dtui said. “And Phosy worked on the Vespa.”

“Civilai collected me on his motorcycle,” Daeng said. “The car would have been too conspicuous. We took some old work clothes and guns and a few disguises I had left over from the old days and we sniffed around at Dong Dok.”

“Cleverly disguised as road sweepers,” Civilai added. “We saw this chap hanging around the English Department. He was well dressed but he didn’t seem to be going anywhere. I asked some students and they said they’d never seen him before. I watched him for a bit and what do you know? He had a walkie-talkie in his briefcase. Of course nobody at the institute is likely to question a man with a radio. They’d just assume he was a spy and leave him alone. It would appear he got a message from his lookout telling him Phosy and Dtui were on their way.”

“And he happened to just be leaving his ‘class’ when we arrived,” Phosy said.

“There was a real Ajan Ming at the department…,” Civilai began.

“But this wasn’t him,” said Daeng.

“You can imagine them sitting around plotting it all, can’t you?” Dtui said. She put on her evil-old-lady voice. “‘How clever can we be to fool these communists? Let’s add a little bit of irony here, a touch of religious symbolism there.’’’

“But you do have to remember, they had to make sure we wouldn’t be alerted, wouldn’t be tempted to bring in the troops,” Phosy added. “This way they could check at each stage that it was just you and me. Very clever.”

“You sound like you admire them,” Dtui said.

“Well, no. I feel like they’re sad old Royalists with too much time on their hands. But brilliant old Royalists. They wanted to make it as complicated as possible. Like Madame Daeng said, they could just as easily have lobbed in a hand grenade that night of the first meeting.”

“But then they would have had to deal with the guards,” Civilai reminded him. “This way they could lure you away. They probably had something just as convoluted planned for me and Siri. But we digress… there we are at the coffee shop at Dong Dok. And when Ajan Ming suggested the cemetery…”

“… we passed that information on to our own spies,” said Phosy.

“I left a note on the coffee-shop table for our sweepers to pick up,” Dtui smiled. “And we made it clear in front of Ming that we’d be stopping off somewhere for lunch on our way there.”

“To give our team time to arrive,” Phosy added and sipped at his coffee.

“I’ve never known you to stay quiet for so long,” Civilai said to Siri.

“I’m fascinated.”

“And it gets better, little brother. Daeng and I sped off to the cemetery. I adopted my ‘hairy mourner’ disguise…”

“That was my wig,” Daeng added.

“… and I visited my dear wife’s grave. I hope their God will forgive me for ripping off flowers from someone else’s headstone. Shortly after I got there, a little fellow with a rake showed up. When Phosy and Dtui arrived, he started work.”

“He would have known we didn’t have any way to contact the authorities. I’m sure we were followed the whole time,” Phosy said. “So he was confident enough to send us on to the next leg of our guided ambush.”

“Our little tiff at the cemetery convinced him we’d get iced tea and then go on to the house from there.” Dtui squeezed Phosy’s arm. “I personally think we could make it on Thai daytime television.”

Mr. Geung snorted a laugh. “Ha, C… Comrade Dtui on Thai TV. Yes, I… I want to see it.”

Everyone laughed except Siri.

“Next! Next! What happened then?”

“Phosy and Dtui were tailed again,” Civilai told him. “This time we saw him. The so-called Ajan Ming, in a baseball cap and dark glasses. He followed them all the way to the house and went in after them. The trap was sprung.”

“We’d been in public places up until then where we were sure they wouldn’t try anything,” Phosy said.

“Even so, you were taking an unnecessary risk,” Siri reminded him.

“We’d been at risk every moment since the bomb was planted. This way we could at least have some say in our destiny.”

“Point taken.”

“And we believed they’d want to talk to us before they did anything. We’d foiled not one but two of their clever little assassination attempts. They wanted us to know who was in charge. They had to introduce themselves or the whole charade thing would have been for nothing. They’d want us to know there wasn’t a chance of their being caught. Once we went missing, they knew the police trail would go cold after Dong Dok. They could even keep using the house. They might even have tried the cemetery routine on Comrade Civilai and Daeng. We thought they’d boast about that.”

Civilai, frustrated by all the interruptions to his narration, threw out his arms dramatically for the final scene.

“So-Phosy and Dtui are in the house of the enemy with barely a minute to live. Daeng and I had been given time to contact Phosy’s squad using the password he’d told them to expect. We gave them the address and arranged to meet them there. Our mission was to keep our adversaries occupied till they arrived.”

“Armed to the teeth,” Madame Daeng joined in, “Civilai and I enter the house, him from the rear, me from the front. Our allies are surrounded by armed killers. ‘Drop your weapons,’ we shout, as one would.”

“But they didn’t,” said Civilai.

“And there they are pointing their guns at Phosy and Dtui-”

“And us pointing our guns at the villains.”

“And the Lizard woman laughs and says, ‘If you carry a gun, you have to be prepared to use it. And I happen to know you aren’t.’’’

“That’s when Daeng shot her,” Civilai said triumphantly.

“What?” Siri turned to his betrothed.

Daeng blushed. “Only in the leg.”

“And I was so impressed I shot one too.” Civilai smiled. “I got him in the thigh, I believe. The others dropped their weapons. Then this little squad of policemen charged in and Phosy ordered them about and it was all over.”

Mr. Geung clapped his hands.

“We got in touch with the Security Division,” Phosy said, “and told them who we’d caught and they sent the whole damned army over. They’d learned from earlier mistakes so they bundled the Lizard and her cronies off up to the old military stockade at Phonhong.”

“So where have you been since?” Siri asked.

“It appears we’ve become a revolutionary government in the eyes of the world, rather than a rebel insurgency,” Civilai said. “We have to observe a certain protocol. The Vietnamese advisers told us we should try the gang of four as traitors rather than just shoot them. They said we would gain more leverage if their crimes were brought out in a military court. It would certainly discourage other plotters.”

“So that’s where we’ve been,” Dtui said. “Three solid days of giving evidence, all on the record. They went by the morgue and picked up Geung.”