Quintin Jardine - For The Death Of Me

‘I know. We’ve discussed it: he told me that you approve of the idea.’

I shrugged and grinned at him. ‘I don’t like to lie to my nephew, but in the circumstances. .’ Harvey’s face fell. ‘Joke!’ I called out. I like him, but I’ll never take him to a stand-up comedy club.

‘Good,’ he said, rising to his feet, ‘because I’ve spoken to a couple of friends of mine at Edinburgh University, and to the director of training at the Faculty of Advocates. They’ve all agreed to give him a preview of what it will involve.’

‘Fine, but just remember, he is only sixteen, so don’t be too disappointed if he turns round next year and says he wants to be a zoologist, or a golf pro or something equally bizarre.’

‘Or an actor?’

‘That’s an ambition I will definitely not encourage. My business is full of crazy people.’

Harvey chuckled as he led me into the dining room. ‘So’s mine: usually we call them clients.’ I began to rethink the idea of a night at the stand-up club.

The lunch wasn’t nouvelle cuisine, but that was okay with me: I was brought up on Scotch broth and haddock fried in breadcrumbs, the more chips the better. It wasn’t until the cheeseboard had arrived that my brother-in-law-proved my dad right by getting down to the real business of the day.

‘I’ve got something on my mind, Oz,’ he said, ‘and I’d like your advice.’

‘Plead guilty and throw yourself on the mercy of the judge.’

He smiled weakly, as befitted a pretty weak wisecrack. ‘I might need a mirror to do that soon,’ he replied. ‘What I’m going to tell you has to remain confidential, until an announcement is made.’ He glanced around. ‘Half the members of this place might know about it, but they’re within the institution, as it were, and it’s important that it doesn’t leak outside. The fact is, I’m going to be elevated to the Bench: a vacancy’s arisen, I’ve been proposed and the Judicial Appointments Board has nodded its head. My installation will take place within the next three weeks.’

‘Supreme Court?’ I asked.

‘Of course. If they’d offered me a Sheriff’s position I’d have turned it down flat.’

‘Well, congratulations. I knew you were headed there some day, but I thought you were still too young.’

He shook his head. ‘In the old days I would have been, but things have changed. The new system isn’t afraid to trust a forty-three-year-old to produce sensible judgments.’

‘Quite bloody right too,’ I told him. ‘I have to say that I’m more than a little chuffed that you chose to confide in me, but what the hell do you need my advice for? Is Ellie giving you grief about it?’

‘Not at all. I wouldn’t have gone for it without her full support. No, it’s my first wife who’s the problem.’

I frowned: I know more than most about troublesome ex-wives. ‘Why should that be?’ I asked. ‘She’s been off the pitch for over ten years now, hasn’t she?’

He pursed his lips. ‘Pitches, as you put it, mean nothing to Madeleine. I haven’t seen her in over five years. . and then it was by accident. . but I’m quite certain she still takes an interest in my career.’

‘What makes you certain?’

‘When our decree was granted, she promised me that she would. She didn’t take the civilised option when it came to ending the marriage. I had to sue for divorce on the ground of adultery: her counsel rather foolishly tried to nail me for a ridiculous sum as aliment. I had the Dean of Faculty in my corner. The judge listened to him, as he would, and she was awarded one pound a year. My costs were awarded against her too, but I didn’t pursue her for those.’

‘Bloody generous of you.’

‘That’s exactly what the Dean said: in the circumstances, he had to waive his fee as a courtesy to a fellow silk, even though I was still a fairly junior QC in those days.’

‘Remind me never to sue a lawyer.’

‘The odds would be against you, I concede. Maddy should have known that too, but you couldn’t tell her anything. She was livid with the judgment: she talked about appealing it, but her solicitor point-blank refused to help her. Finally she went off, clutching her pound, throwing me many a withering glance, and promising to take a special interest in my career.’

‘Has she remarried?’

‘No, and she still calls herself Madeleine January.’

‘When did you last hear from her?’

‘When Ellen and I were married: Maddy sent her a sympathy card.’

‘Jesus!’ I spluttered, then glanced around to make sure there were no clergymen in the room this time. ‘How did my sister react to that?’

‘She set a new world record for tearing a greetings card into small pieces. It looked like confetti when she was finished. She was all for posting it back to her with a note saying that she’d do the same to her next time, but I headed her off that. She couldn’t have anyway: I don’t know where Maddy is.’

‘Is that part of the problem?’ I asked him.

‘Very perceptive, Oz: I fear I may be about to come under attack, but I don’t know from which direction.’

‘But, Harvey, how could she possibly attack you? You’re a pillar of the community, one of the most respected figures in your profession, and you don’t have an enemy in the world. . apart from her, it seems. She, on the other hand, ran off with a bloody actor, not even a movie star like me, but a bit player.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘How did you know he was an actor,’ he asked, ‘far less have his credits list in your head?’

I’d put my size ten in it, hadn’t I? There was nothing to do but own up. ‘When you started going out with Ellie,’ I confessed, ‘I had you checked out by an ex-copper friend of mine, a guy called Ricky Ross.’

He beamed. ‘Ex-Superintendent Ross,’ he exclaimed. ‘I’ve had him in the witness box many a time. He’s very good: I’m not surprised your information’s accurate.’

‘Sorry, mate,’ I muttered lamely.

‘Don’t be. I’d have done the same to you in the circumstances.’

‘That’s good to know, but let’s go back to the original question. How could this Madeleine woman possibly attack someone like you?’

‘Well. .’ he began. As wells go, this one was pretty deep. ‘There are a couple of photographs, which would embarrass me, and everyone associated with me, if their very existence was ever known. If they were ever published. .’ He shuddered. ‘God forbid that they ever should be.’

‘But Maddy’s capable?’

‘Yes, I fear so.’

‘And she has them?’

‘I fear that also. Let me fill you in on the background. Madeleine Raymond. . her maiden name. . and I met when I was at Oxford, doing my BA. We shared a couple of classes. When I came back to Edinburgh to do my law degree, she followed me up here. Looking back, she probably reckoned that I was some sort of a catch. I fell for her, no doubt about it, and we were married as soon as I’d graduated and obtained my practising certificate. Big mistake on my part: I should have stalled her, maybe suggested living together for a while. But I didn’t and pretty much as soon as the knot was tied, I began to regret it. Maddy liked to party: so did I, to an extent, but I was career-minded and determined to get to the Bar as soon as I could. There was also the question of money. My family’s well fixed, as Ricky Ross will have told you, but I wasn’t prepared to let my folks pick up the tab any more than was necessary. So, like all young advocates, I went through a period where my income was pretty limited. She didn’t like that at all.’

‘Didn’t she work?’

‘She temped on occasion, to make ends meet, when she had to, but she hated it, and she let me know.’