Maxim Jakubowski - The Mammoth Book of the Adventures of Professor Moriarty

“That such a Master Detective shall one day arise, I regard almost as an inevitability. Indeed, I feel it is likely I have already become aware his presence, exploring and investigating the outer strands of my web. While I am not entirely certain, it is my belief that the existence of a Mastermind of Crime – though not as yet my actual identity – may already have been deduced by some hidden nemesis. Thus I have taken steps to attempt to identify who among the brightest minds of our time might be disguising himself and hiding amongst my shadows? Who is it that may one day threaten me? Yes, I write ‘me’, for the time for all pretences has now passed.

“I have, thus far, considered eighty-seven potential threats to my continued operation as a Criminal Mastermind – people who I reasoned might, under certain circumstances, prove themselves capable of becoming a danger to my anonymity, or indeed to my very existence. I reasoned early on that I could not easily have so many prominent individuals killed – for most are doctors, lawyers, clergymen, scientists, authors, petty nobles and the like. I could not simply have them all killed, at least not without causing far too great a public outcry and arousing suspicion and interest where as yet there is none. I therefore began to test each of my suspects to determine which of these eighty-seven might truly become a poisoned thorn in my side. I watched them. I studied them. I devised tests. I set puzzles. Those who failed to solve my riddles, I let go. Like a benevolent fisherman throwing back the small fry, I removed the barbs of my hook from the throats of those of lesser intellect, reasoning that if they failed to solve the problems I had presented them with, they certainly could not succeed in outwitting me in games that were played for higher stakes. I whittled down my eighty-seven to forty-three. I reduced forty-three to seventeen. From seventeen I subtracted a further eleven. At last I had half a dozen firm suspects, six Napoleons of Detection who might potentially one day face me in the field. To my great surprise, one was a female. The woman I decided to treat as a special case. The other five men I determined to test still further. Each of these five had passed all my earlier trials so I determined to send each one a puzzle so intricately complex that I could but barely solve it myself. Should anyone decrypt this problem I would know that individual could undoubtedly pose a threat to me. I arranged that the solving of the problem would lead ultimately to the discovery of the bottle containing this letter.

“When I began to write, I addressed you, my dear reader, with the phrase ‘To Whomsoever is reading these words’. In truth, as I am writing this, I do not know which one of you has solved my most artful puzzle and claimed this letter as his prize. If no one has solved my greatest riddle, then I write these words to no one and I am at no risk at all. If you have opened the bottle and for some reason you have not immediately read these words then for reasons which will shortly become clear, I know I still am safe. Likewise, if by remote chance the hiding place of the bottle had been discovered accidentally and its letter has somehow fallen into unintended hands, again I need feel no concern and I am in no danger, as you will realise when you read further. But whoever you are, if you are now reading this, it is only fitting that I explain why I have no fear that you will use my words against me in any court of law.

“You may have wondered why I have set down this information in so rambling a manner? Why haven’t I as yet got to the point? Why do I seem to procrastinate and delay, taking my time in telling you of my plans, drawing out the moment when I will reveal my secrets? Indeed, you may wonder why I have set down any information at all?

“Before I answer that, let me offer some further data. I am well known as a mathematician. My training in the sciences is however both wide and deep. I have no small knowledge of chemistry. There exist certain substances which are described as being pyrophoric – a term stemming from the Greek πυροφόρος, pyrophoros , meaning ‘fire-bearing’. A chemical that is pyrophoric will ignite spontaneously when in air at normal room temperature. I have myself discovered that this reaction can be abated by storing the pyrophoric substance in an inert gas. No doubt others will also soon discover this and publish their findings. No matter. For now, however, I have kept my research and discovery a secret, for I have my own uses for this knowledge. The bottle that contained this letter was filled with such a gas. I trust that you did not imagine the gas was poisonous? I hope I did not give you any undue cause for concern on that account. I can assure you the gas was entirely harmless. Besides which, any poisonous gas would either be so strong as to have killed you instantly when you first opened the bottle or else would be so weak as to be easily dispersed in the air, thus becoming harmless. Now where was I?

“It was no particular difficulty for me to impregnate the paper upon which I have written these words with certain pyrophoric chemicals. It was a far greater task to mix them with a selection of other reagents in order to delay such a reaction so that the paper would not burn the moment it was exposed to air. Such chemicals can create quite an unpleasant smell so I took the precaution of disguising them with a liberal application of varied perfumes. By the time you have finished reading these words, the paper upon which they are written will almost certainly have begun to smoulder imperceptibly and then shortly afterwards will burst into flames, so I advise you to continue reading while you still have the opportunity. In case you are wondering, water will not stop the reaction, it may even hasten it. You have no way of preventing this paper from self-immolating within the next few minutes.

“You may now see why I feel confident that even though I present you with an explanation as to how I will perpetrate a Perfect Crime, I need have no fear of this evidence being used against me, for, within moments, it will no longer exist. By explaining all this in writing, I am presenting you with a full confession, but one that will shortly disappear before your eyes in an almost proverbial puff of smoke. My crime will have a witness, you yourself shall be that witness, but you will be quite unable to act upon your knowledge. I am doubly sure of this.

“I posed the question as to why I have written this letter in so protracted and circuitous a fashion? I will now answer that. I did so in order to increase the time it would take you to read my words. I wished to ensure ample time for the chemicals with which I have soaked and coated the paper you are now holding to do their work. I am sure that even if you read extremely quickly, by now their full absorption is utterly inevitable. I ensured that I coated the paper with a sufficient strength even to penetrate through cloth, in the highly unlikely event you are reading this whilst wearing gloves.

“As time draws irrevocably on, I feel I should however at last make a true confession. I have not as yet been entirely honest with you. Did you expect me to be? Did you think I would play this game by anyone’s rules but my own? In tests of logic one must always consider the possibility that any given statement may be false. Even so, I have not lied to you.

“Or have I?

“I will admit that I have withheld some information up until this point.

“You may have noticed a rather unusual odour emanating from the paper upon which my words are written, an unpleasant smell not fully hidden by the aromas of exotic scents that I applied to this letter. I told you that this was due to certain chemicals with which I had coated the paper. That was the truth.