Рекс Стаут - Please Pass the Guilt

“Three days you kept it. By God, three days and three nights.” Cramer’s voice was not weak.

“The weekend intervened. Anyway I would have kept it as long as there was any hope of finding a probable source. Three weeks or three months. Fortunately a competent performance by Mr. Panzer — and Mr. Durkin — made it only three days. Mr. Panzer brought it a little more than an hour ago, and I telephoned you almost immediately. Copes lied. I know how he learned about the LSD.”

Wolfe looked at Rowcliff and back at Cramer. “There are several ways I could do this, and I’m taking the quickest, which should also be the most effective. As you know, a friend of Mr. Goodwin’s, Mr. Cohen, is in a position of authority and influence at the Gazette .” He turned. “Your notebook, Archie.”

With no idea what was coming, I got it, and a pen, and crossed my legs.

“A suggested draft for an article in tomorrow’s Gazette . ‘In an interview yesterday afternoon Nero Wolfe, comma, the private investigator, comma, stated that an attempt has been made by Dennis Copes, comma, an employee of the Continental Air Network, comma, to get the sixty-five thousand dollars offered in a recent advertisement by Mrs. Peter Odell, comma, by fraud. Period.’ — No. Instead of ‘fraud’ make it ‘by subreption.’ It’s more precise and will add to vocabularies. ‘Paragraph.’

“‘Mr. Wolfe said, comma, quote, “Dennis Copes came to my office last Thursday evening and disclosed that he had knowledge of a certain fact relevant to the explosion of a bomb in the office of a CAN executive on the twentieth of May that caused the death of Peter Odell. Period. It was a fact known to me and to the police but had never been divulged, comma, by them or by me. Period. It was a closely guarded secret. Period. Mr. Copes’s explanation of how and where he had learned it made it highly probable that the bomb had been placed in the drawer by another employee of CAN, comma, named by him. Paragraph.

“‘Quote. “I had reason to suspect that Mr. Copes’s account of how he had learned the fact was false, comma, and I undertook to discover if he might have learned it some other way. Period. This morning I learned that there was indeed another way. Period. Mr. Copes has a twin sister named Diana who is the wife of a police lieutenant named J.M. Rowcliff. Period. I think it highly probable, comma, in fact I am satisfied, comma, that Mr. Rowcliff—”’”

“Why, goddamn you—” Rowcliff was up and moving.

“Back up!” Cramer snapped.

“Let me finish,” Wolfe said.

“ I’ll finish you! You—”

“Can it!” Cramer snapped. “Sit down. Sit down and shut your trap.” To Wolfe: “You know damn well you can’t do this. We’d tear your guts out. You’d be done.”

“I doubt it,” Wolfe said. “The spotlight of public interest. I would be a cynosure, a man of mark. And my client’s resources are considerable. I would have handled this differently if it were not Mr. Rowcliff. If it were Mr. Stebbins, for instance, I would have asked him to come and I would have told him that I wanted merely his private acknowledgment that he had told his wife about the LSD. That would have satisfied me that Mr. Copes had learned of the LSD from his sister, and no further proof would have been required. It would not have been necessary even for you to be told, either by him or by me. But with Mr. Rowcliff that would not have been possible. Would it? You know him. You know his animus against me.”

“You could have asked me to come. And discuss it.”

“Certainly. I have. Here we are.”

“Balls. Discuss, my ass. ‘In an interview yesterday afternoon Nero Wolfe, the private investigator.’ That crap. All right, I’ll discuss it with Rowcliff and you’ll hear from me later. Probably today.”

“No.” Emphatic. “That won’t do. It’s urgent. There’s a certain step I intend to take without delay. I’ll postpone it only if I must. If you and Mr. Rowcliff leave without satisfying me, Mr. Goodwin will leave ten minutes later with the suggested draft for that article. It may be possible to get it in the late edition of today’s paper. And of course reporters will be wanting to see Mr. and Mrs. Rowcliff — and you, I suppose. This is probably a resort to coercion, but I make no apology; the fact that I have Mr. Rowcliff to deal with makes it imperative. Actually I don’t ask much. I require only a statement by him, unequivocal, that he told his wife about the LSD found in Peter Odell’s pocket. I don’t need an admission by his wife that she told her brother. That is a plausible assumption that for me will suffice.”

Wolfe turned to Rowcliff. “You may know — or you may not — that there is an understanding between Mr. Cramer and me which he knows I observe. No conversation in this office with him present is recorded without his express consent. This is not being recorded.”

“You goddamn ape,” Rowcliff said.

Cramer asked him, “Did you hear me tell you to shut your trap?”

No reply.

“Say ‘yes, sir,’” Cramer said.

Rowcliff licked his lips. “Yes, sir.”

“You’re a good cop,” Cramer said. “I know what you’re good for and what you’re not good for. I even agree with your opinion of Wolfe up to a point, but only up to a point. That understanding he mentioned, you wouldn’t trust him to keep it, but I do. That’s a flaw you’ve got. Anyway the point right now is not our opinion of Wolfe, it’s what he wants from you. There are aspects of this that you and I can discuss privately, and we will, but if you did tell your wife about the LSD, and you can be damn sure I’m going to know if you did, the best thing you can do is to say so here and now. You don’t have to tell Wolfe, tell me. Did you?”

“Goddam it, Inspector, I’m not—”

“Did you?”

“Yes. I’m not going—”

“Shut up.” Cramer turned to Wolfe. “I call that unequivocal, damn you.”

“So do I,” Wolfe said. “Thank you for coming.”

“You can shove your thanks.” He stood up. “You said something on the phone about a useful hint. You can shove that too. You and your useful hints.” He turned to Rowcliff. “You, move. Move!”

It was an order and Rowcliff obeyed it. Anyone else I could name, I would have felt sorry for him. I knew what he had coming and so did he. Saul followed them to the hall; he had let them in, so he would check them out.

As Saul came back in, Wolfe told me, “Get Mr. Browning.”

He was certainly making up for lost time, but it had worked with Cramer and Rowcliff so it might work with the next president of CAN too, whatever it was, I pulled the phone around and dialed, and told the switchboard I wanted to speak to Mr. Browning’s secretary. When you ask for secretaries usually you aren’t asked who you are, and in a minute I had her.

“Mr. Browning’s office.”

“Miss Lugos, please.”

“This is Miss Lugos.”

“This is Archie Goodwin. Mr. Wolfe would like to speak to Mr. Browning.”

“Nero Wolfe?”

“Yes.”

“What about?”

“I don’t know. It must be important, since Mr. Browning called him a cheap bully only a couple of hours ago.”

“I’ll see. Hold the wire.”

Of course she would tell me either that Mr. Browning was not available or to put Mr. Wolfe on. But she didn’t. After a wait of only a couple of minutes, his voice: “What do you want?”

I didn’t have to answer because Wolfe was on.

“Mr. Browning?”

“Yes.”

“Nero Wolfe. I have just spoken at some length with Inspector Cramer of the police. He left my office five minutes ago. This afternoon, not later than four o’clock, I am going to tell him who put a bomb in a drawer of your desk, and I think it fitting and desirable that I tell you first. I would also like to tell Miss Lugos why I told her that she lied. Will you come, with her, at half past two?”