Гарри Кемельман - Monday the Rabbi Took Off

"Oh, Hugo, one of the best." Betty said with a rush of excitement. "I do think it will work. too. And perhaps if they ask you to stay on—"

"I'd tell them I was sorry," he said firmly, "that I’ve retired and that I'm not interested in a permanent position."

"I suppose that would be best, dear."

They did not talk as they got into their car. each immersed in his own private thoughts. But as the car pulled away from the Deutch residence. Raymond asked plaintively, "Now what do we do?"

"Hell, what can we do?" Drexler demanded savagely. "We start planning a welcome home party for the Smalls."

The missus tells me you people are due over at our place tomorrow night." said Chief Lanigan. "but I happened to be in the vicinity—"

"Of course." said Miriam. "And you'll have a cup of tea, won't you?"

She got up from sitting on the divan and started for the kitchen. The chiefs eves flicked at her middle as she passed, and he said. "Well I see you weren't idle over there. David. And I don't know but that it might not justify the trip. But did you find what you went over for?"

"Oh, yes." said the rabbi as he helped Miriam with the tea things. He offered their guest cream and sugar. "It was there all right, and we found it— practically the day we arrived."

"Well, that's fine. Still, it was a mite foolhardy, wasn't it. leaving your job for three months especially where the competition was so good? Although I suppose this welcome home party they gave you proves you knew what you were doing..."he added grudgingly.

Was the chief scolding him for risking his job by staying away? The rabbi was touched. "Yes, he's a good man. Rabbi Deutch," he said. "They liked him in the town?"

Lanigan nodded vigorously. "Very impressive. He looks the part for one thing." He eyed the rabbi appraisingly. "You don't, you know."

"I know."

"Well, don't knock it. Impressing people is part of your stock-in-trade. It's not supposed to be the style now, they tell me. There's a fashion in ministers, I guess. But I'm not sure the new style will last. Like we've got a new curate down at the church. He came while you were away. He's the new type of priest. You see him around in blue jeans and a sweater. He sits on the floor with the kids and plays the guitar. Religious songs I'll admit, but they don't sound religious. At least not our kind. So what's the result? When I see him in front of the altar in his vestments celebrating the mass, all I can see is a hippie in blue jeans. And when he preaches, I find myself thinking: Prove it, prove it. I mean, if it's not magic, if it's just everyday argument, then he's got to convince me. And of course he can't."

"And Father Dougherty?"

"You never see him except in a Roman collar and proper black. So he always seems to be in his vestments, and when you see him before the altar, you believe him. Now Mike Dougherty is no great brain, but he doesn't have to be because you feel that it's Somebody talking through him. Maybe there's a lot of hocus-pocus in religion. Rabbi, but it works somehow."

"Well, it's a little different with us," said the rabbi. "The rabbi is not a priest."

"Yes, I know. you’ve explained it to me, but does your congregation know it or do they feel the need of the hocus-pocus anyway?"

"I guess some of them do." said the rabbi. "Maybe all of them at one time or another."

"Well, that's why Rabbi Deutch was so popular, I suppose. I heard him once when he chaired a meeting. He kind of intoned, if you know what I mean. Very impressive. Now with us the priest wears a uniform, and the vestments are a kind of full-dress uniform. You people don't go in for that, so you’ve got to get the effect by voice and manner, because a uniform is important. Ask any cop."

The rabbi glanced at the chiefs blue cap on the floor beside him and said with a smile, "The chief of police in Jerusalem or at least the inspector wears one of these." And he touched the yarmulke he was wearing.

"Is that so? You mean that's part of his uniform? He wears it in the street?"

"No. he has a cap like yours. It was just while he was in his office—"

"You saw him in his office? Did you get involved with the police over there?"

The rabbi grinned. "Not really. There was a bombing, and I had some knowledge of it and was questioned by the police."

"A bombing! And you were grilled by the police?"

"I suppose you could call it a grilling." said the rabbi, smiling reminiscently. "But it was mostly about my religious views. The inspector doubted my orthodoxy."

The chief shook his head in wonderment. "A policeman questioning your religious orthodoxy? What kind of place is it where a cop would question a rabbi on his religious views? That's police business?"

"It's that kind of place." said the rabbi, "and it is not general. Just this particular cop."

"But you say there was a bombing. Then there is danger there—"

"Oh, no."

"Now. look here. The monsignor over in Salem is leading a group to Ireland. Rome, and then the Holy Land. The missus had been making noises about going and I’ve half a mind to let her. But if there's danger—"

"Oh, there's no danger." said Miriam. "For her," she added. "But for us—"

"What danger was there for you?" the chief demanded.

Miriam looked at her husband. He smiled. "For us," he said, "there's always the danger that we won't come back."