Гарри Кемельман - Tuesday The Rabbi Saw Red

"Look. Betty," he remonstrated, "must you go out again tonight?"

"Oh, I really have to. Dad. I promised."

"But you've been out every single night this week."

"Dad I'm thirty-five—"

"I know that. I'm not trying to play the stem paterfamilias. but—"

"You've been a dear. Dad, but you must understand that I have no intention of remaining single for the rest of my life. I mean to get married, and just because I'm thirty-five I can't waste any time."

He was old-fashioned, and the bluntness with which she stated her position embarrassed him a little. "Well, naturally, I want you to get married. Betty. I realize I'm probably being selfish,” he went on. "but I rather hoped that we could have some evenings together, just the two of us. You know, the president of a college, like the president of anything, is a kind of lonely figure, he has to make all sorts of decisions, and almost anyone he turns to for advice, or just to talk out some problem, has an axe to grind."

She laughed. "Poor Dad, all right, tomorrow I'll stay home and— Oh, no, tomorrow I can't or Thursday either. Perhaps. Friday?"

The weekend was out of the question, of course, because then she went upcountry to New Hampshire where her son. Billy, was at school.

Monday was registration day, classes began Tuesday; so Wednesday morning was the first session of Philosophy 268, Jewish Thought and Philosophy; Mon. & Wed, at 9:00, Fri, at 1:00, Admin. Building, Room 22; three credits.

By a quarter to nine they began to drift in— the fresh-men checking the number on the door against the number they had copied down on their program cards, the upper-classmen gravitating to one corner.

"Hey, Harvey boy!" A tall, willowy youth in yellow plaid slacks, crimson shirt, and a yellow silk kerchief fastened around his neck appeared in the doorway and was instantly hailed by the group in the corner. "How they hanging?"

"You taking this course?"

Harvey glanced around the room to see if there were any attractive new girls, then sauntered over. "You bet I'm taking this course." Harvey Shacter perched his elegantly clad bottom on the arm of the chair occupied by Lillian Dushkin. "Can't you just see Uncle Harvey turning down a gift of three credits? You know Cy Berenson? He took it last year and didn't even take the final, the rabbi let him write a five-hundred-word paper and gave him a B."

"Yeah, but Berenson used to wear a yarmelke all the time." said Henry Luftig, a short, thin, intense young man with a high bony forehead ending in a cap of jet black hair. "The rabbi probably figured he knew the stuff anyway."

"Yarmelke? Oh, you mean that black beanie? Okay, if it will guarantee a B I'll wear a yarmelke."

"That will be the day," Lillian Dushkin giggled. "Come to think of it, you might look cute."

"Hey, Lil." said Aaron Mazonson. "I heard this Rabbi Lamden was a regular swinger, all a chick has to do is sit in the front row and give him an eyeful and she's practically guaranteed an A."A sophomore nearby joined in. "It's not Rabbi Lamden this year, it's a different guy."

"Where'd you hear that?"

"When I registered for the course. My adviser told me when he initialed my program.”

"Well, it says Rabbi Lamden in the catalogue."

"Yeah, well, that's because it was a last minute change."

"Great!" exclaimed Shacter in disgust. "That's just what I need. My one pipe course, and they get a new guy who will probably want to show how tough he is."

"So we'll set him straight," said Luftig, grinning.

Shacter considered, and then he, too, grinned. "Yeah, that's the idea, we'll set him straight."

The street was lined with cars, and the broad granite steps of the administration building were so crowded with students that Rabbi Small had to zigzag his way to the doors. Inside the enclosed area of the Marble, the marble-tiled rotunda, students were swarming about while others were manning tables behind signs: "Support Your School— Buy a Sports Card, admission to All Athletic Events,"

"Subscribe to The Windrift. Your Own Magazine,"

"Sign up for the Dramatic Club,"

"Concerned? Join the Democratic Party."

"Concerned Students join SDS,"

"Hear the Truth— Join The Socialist Study Group."

"Hey! You a freshman? Then you'll want to go to all the games. Sign up here."

"Sandra! Coming out for dramatics again this year?"

"Get your free copy of The Windrift." The rabbi managed the stairs leading to his office without either buying, pledging, or signing anything. Pleased and excited by the unaccustomed activity, he stopped to catch his breath before entering his class.

There were twenty-eight students present; his class list, sent to him a few days before, showed thirty, he mounted the platform and wrote on the blackboard: "Rabbi David Small. Jewish Thought and Philosophy." And then announced: "I am Rabbi Small. I will be giving this course instead of Rabbi Lamden who is listed in the catalogue."

Harvey Shacter winked at Lillian Dushkin and raised his hand lazily, the rabbi nodded.

"What do we call you? Professor or Doctor?"

"Or Rabbi?" from Henry Luftig. "Or David?" asked Lillian sweetly.

"I am neither a doctor nor a professor. Rabbi will do perfectly well." He gave Miss Dushkin a sharp look and went on. "This is a one-semester course, and the subject is a large one, the most we can hope for is to get some understanding of the basic principles of our religion and how they developed. For you to derive any benefit from the course, however, you'll have to do a great deal of reading. I shall suggest books from time to time, and within the next couple of weeks or so I hope to have a mimeographed reading list to distribute to you."

"Will that be required reading?" asked a shocked Harvey Shacter.

"Some of it will be required, and some will be collateral reading, we will start by reading the Five Books of Moses, the Torah, on which our religion is based. I'll expect you to finish it in the next two or three weeks and then we'll have an hour exam."

"But that's an awful lot." Shacter protested.

”Not really. I don't expect you to study it intensively at first. Read it as you would a novel." He held up a copy of the Old Testament that he had brought with him. "Let's see, in this text it runs about two hundred and fifty pages. It's good large type. I'd say it's about the length of a short novel. I shouldn't think that would be too much for college students."

"What text do we use?"

"Is it on sale in the bookstore?"

"Any special translation?"

"Can we use the original?" This last from Mazonson."By all means, if you can." said the rabbi with a smile. "For the rest of you, any English text will do. If it's not on sale in the bookstore, you should have no trouble getting a copy. I would appreciate it if you did not leave it until the last few days before the exam. If you begin your reading immediately you can have a better understanding of the material as I deal with it in my lectures—"

"This is going to be a lecture course?" Henry Luftig seemed aghast.

"What else did you have in mind?" asked the rabbi dryly-Well, I thought it was going to be a— you know, like a discussion course."

"But how can you discuss something you don't know?"

"Oh, well, like general principles. I mean everybody knows something about religion."

"Are you sure, Mr.— er— ?" the rabbi began gently. "Luftig. Hank Luftig."

"Are you sure. Mr. Luftig? I'll grant that most people have some general ideas, but often they're much too general. Religion can be regarded as an overall blueprint for our thinking and our basic attitude toward life. Now the Jewish religion differs widely from the prevailing Christian religion, but at some points the differences involve subtle fine distinctions."