The Medieval Murderers - The First Murder

Malinferno pulled a sour face, knowing how his continuing aversion to such a commitment irked Doll. He sat on the other dining chair, set at the table where he had been working until the lamp wick had died.

‘Now it’s all my fault, I suppose.’

Wearily, Doll rose from her chair, and plonked herself in Malinferno’s lap. The chair beneath the two of them groaned more ominously than its partner.

‘Silly boy.’ She twirled a hank of Malinferno’s dark locks in her slender finger. ‘Étienne was at the theatre with another gentleman, who was putting money into the play. I had to be good to him, didn’t I?’

Malinferno pouted, twisting his head away from Doll’s wheedling.

‘Why?’

She laughed. ‘Because his name was Mr William Bankes.’

Malinferno gave her a blank look. Then the truth dawned.

‘William Bankes of Kingston Lacey?’

Doll nodded eagerly. ‘Yes, the same William Bankes who has just returned from Abu Simbel and Philae in Egypt. He’s brought an obelisk back, and will show it me. It lies at Deptford right now.’

Malinferno pondered this exciting news for a moment before anxiously questioning Doll further.

‘What did Bankes demand of you for this favour?’

Doll hugged Joe gleefully, causing the chair almost to collapse beneath her onslaught.

‘Why, it’s nothing like that, Joe. William Bankes is, as Jed Lawless puts it, a backgammon player.’

‘Why should I care about his gambling propensities?’

Doll guffawed. ‘No, you sweet innocent. In the business,’ Doll always used this expression to mean her former trade of doxy, ‘that means he likes to enter through the back passage.’

Malinferno gasped, never comfortable with Doll’s relapses into crudity.

‘You mean he frequents molly-houses?’

‘Yes, Joe. He likes to dress as a woman, and is more likely to be interested in Morton Stanley than me.’

Even though Malinferno had been reassured by Doll’s innocent explanations of her various beaux, he still managed somehow to be at the Royal Coburg for the next few days. But the endless repetition of the short religious scenes from The Play of Adam began to pall. Even the topical references to the Queen’s love life, and the meetings between the King and Pergami in the guise of Cain and Abel – meetings that had never happened in real life – failed to stimulate his interest. And Mossop was ever prone to changing his mind about the location of the actors onstage. He prowled around the auditorium like a shaggy-maned lion, examining the stage from all angles.

‘It is to observe all the sight-lines, do you see?’ he explained when Augustus Bromhead taxed him on his restlessness. The antiquarian nodded wisely, though he had not understood a word, and was still perplexed by Mossop’s actions. Just as he was about to ask for clarification, the manager broke away. He rushed down to the front of the stage, and berated the stagehands. They had dragged a large hip-bath on the stage, and had clearly not located it in the correct position.

‘No, no, no, Jed. Can you not see the cross I chalked on the stage? The bath must be there. Dead centre.’

Jed Lawless grumbled under his breath, and took the reprimand out on his two assistants. He cuffed the ear of the nearest youth, a spotty-faced lad with wire-rimmed glasses hooked over his protruding ears.

‘Tom, you stupid idiot, can’t you see the mark?’

Tom clearly couldn’t, and blushed. The other boy grinned and pushed the bath in place.

Malinferno leaned across the seats to where Bromhead was sitting, and whispered in his ear, ‘Isn’t this supposed to be the Garden of Eden? Where does a bath come into it?’

Bromhead shrugged wearily. He had tried to persuade Mossop not to use the pantomime backcloth for the scene, but had withdrawn his objection when asked for some more money for a new backcloth. Now, Mossop had inserted a bath into the scene. He began to explain to his friend.

‘Will is taken by Theodore Lane’s cartoon showing Queen Caroline and Pergami frolicking in a bath together. He is determined to reproduce it in the play, and insists “The Fall of Man” is the best place. God knows how he plans to show Adam and Eve in all their nakedness.’

Malinferno had a good idea how from what Doll had told him, and his fears were realised immediately. Doll and Stanley emerged from the darkness of the wings in their attire for this scene. The handsome Stanley was stripped to the waist, showing off a hairy chest and a tight waist. His nether garment was no more than a tight pair of breeches that did little to obscure his well-endowed manhood. Malinferno thought he heard an indrawn breath from behind him where William Bankes sat. This was followed by a long-drawn-out expression of admiration in French from Quatremain, who sat next to Bankes. Of course, the Frenchman’s salute was not for Stanley, but for Doll. She was clad in nothing more than a thin muslin shift, which did nothing to hide her manifest charms. Especially when the candlelight shone on her.

Stanley led Doll over to the bath, and held her hand as she stepped into it.

Mossop then called out to Stanley, ‘Morton, kneel behind the bath. It will mask your lower half.’

The actor did so, and the rolled edge of the hip-bath all but obscured his breeches. He looked naked. Stanley flicked some imaginary water at Doll, just as in the cartoon, and they recited their lines, Stanley first.

‘“Ah, Eve, you are to blame;

To this you enticed me -

My body gives me shame;

For I am naked, it seems to me.”’

Then it was Doll’s turn as Eve.

‘“Alas! Oh, Adam, so am I!”’

That was as far as she got, for she burst into a fit of the giggles, and covered her breasts with her hands. Mossop rushed down to the front of the stage.

‘Eve! Doll, what is the matter?’

Doll could not stop her laughter, merely pointing into the wings. Everyone turned to see what had amused her. The hot faces of the two young stagehands, formerly agog at Doll’s nakedness, suddenly disappeared into the darkness.

That interlude proved the highlight of a long and arduous day’s rehearsal. When the only short break they did have arrived, Doll was steered to one side by Étienne Quatremain, and Malinferno was left to talk to William Bankes. It could have been very enlightening for Malinferno, as he knew Bankes too was a student of hieroglyphics, but the man seemed distracted by Morton Stanley’s deliberate avoidance of him. The actor first complained to Mossop about some minor matter, then deliberately joined Quatremain and Doll rather than talk to Bankes or Malinferno. Bankes was obviously put out, and all he did in response to Malinferno’s questions about the obelisk he had brought back from Egypt was wave a hand and sigh. Malinferno was actually glad when the rehearsal began again in earnest.

Soon, only Doll, Morton, Perceval and Harry were left onstage, and the auditorium was empty but for Malinferno. All the other onlookers, including Bankes, Bromhead and Quatremain had long since gone, driven out by the tedium of actors repeating the same scenes and words over and over again. Mossop had been particularly irritated by Morton Stanley, who seemed unable to remember his words from one run-through to the next. At one point Mossop stalked towards Malinferno cursing under his breath, and making his feelings clear.

‘I would get rid of him if I could. In fact I would murder him, if only I had a replacement.’

But he concealed his annoyance, and patiently called out to the actors to begin again.

Malinferno eventually gave up too, and returned to Creechurch Lane, where he sat down on one of the creaky chairs and awaited Doll’s return. When evening drew on, he sent out for chops and gravy, which a skinny boy delivered on a tray almost as big as he was. But there was no sign of Doll, and Malinferno did not feel like eating alone. Both meals eventually lay cold and congealed on their respective plates. He looked to pass the time until Doll’s return with some more research into hieroglyphs, but was unable to find his notebook. He assumed Doll had misplaced it, as it was she who had been scribbling in it the previous evening. He remembered because she had been excited and had wanted to show him something, but he had been too sulky. He wished he had let her reveal her secret now.