David Wishart - Old Bones

'Yesterday?' Nepos gave me a sharp look. 'Ah. I see. Quite so. Very early, just after dawn, in fact.' His lips twisted. 'Something to do with cool air and the balance of the humours.'

Well, it had been worth checking. And even if he had set out later Hilarion was no Priscus: he wouldn't've taken any wrong turnings. Still, it was a thought. And as far as I could see it was the only possible explanation.

'I don't know about relatives,' Nepos was saying. 'Nor does your mother. In any case a delay's out of the question this time of year. We'll arrange the funeral ourselves.'

'Yeah.' I sighed. I hadn't liked the guy, but I wouldn't've wished him ill, not with any seriousness. And there was something pathetic about the small figure on the stretcher. 'Okay. Let's go and join the rest.'

We went back up to the dining-room: it was practically dinnertime now, and this time Perilla and I would have to stay out of pure politeness. Oh, well; with a death in the house not even Mother would have the nerve to force any of Phormio's gunk on me.

There was a stranger on one of the couches: a big, handsome guy in his late thirties wearing a sharp mantle that must've come from one of the best shops in Rome. Wearing it well, too.

'Ah, Aternius, you've arrived,' Nepos said. 'My apologies. Your uncle did say you'd be coming today but what with poor Hilarion's death I quite forgot.' He turned to me. 'Gaius Aternius is the fellow I mentioned to you, Corvinus. The mayor's nephew. He'll be looking into our little problem. Aternius, this is Marcus Valerius Corvinus, Helvius Priscus's stepson.'

'And Vipsania's son?' Aternius looked at Mother, lying next to Priscus; death or not, she was stunning as ever. 'That I can hardly believe.'

Uh-oh. I had the feeling already that I wasn't going to like this guy one bit. He had the kind of built-in smarm that makes my skin crawl.

'Is that right, now, pal?' I said, taking my place next to Perilla. 'You like to see the birth certificate, maybe?'

'Marcus!' Mother snapped. Perilla was glaring at me too: female solidarity. Priscus was out of it as usual, communing with the ceiling inlay.

I held my hands up, palm out. 'Okay. Okay,' I said. 'Forget I spoke.'

Nepos had taken the host's couch. He gave a signal to the waiting slaves and the boys went out to bring in the eats. 'You'll be staying here, Aternius, until this business is concluded, naturally,' he said.

'For tonight, certainly, if it's not inconvenient under the circumstances. I'd be delighted. Especially with such charming fellow-guests.' His teeth flashed in Mother's direction in a hundred-candelabra smile. They were pearly-white and even, and I'd just bet he had all thirty-two of the little darlings. Although a reduction in the number could be arranged. 'I doubt if I need impose on you for longer.'

'You're very welcome however long you wish to stay. I'm grateful that your uncle is taking an interest in the affair.'

'Election coming up, is it?' I said. Needle, needle.

Aternius's eyes narrowed. 'As a matter of fact it is, Valerius Cercinus,' he said.

Bastard. 'That's "Corvinus", friend.'

'My apologies.' He turned to Mother. 'So. How do you like our little backwater, Vipsania?'

I'd've thought Mother would be pretty subdued with her doctor pal lying stiff and cold two floors down, but she was practically glowing. 'I think it's charming,' she said. 'So unspoiled. Of course with all this nonsense Titus and I haven't really had much chance recently to see around. No more than a tomb or two. Isn't that right, Titus?'

'Mmmaaa?' Priscus's eyes peeled themselves off the decor and blinked at her. 'Certainly, my dear. Just what I was about to say myself.'

'You haven't been up to Lake Sabatinus yet?'

'No, I don't think so.'

'Oh, but you must go there! It's absolutely beautiful, and no more than half a day's ride away. I have some friends with a villa at the lake edge. I'd be most happy to take you. And your husband, naturally. They'd be glad to put us up, I'm sure.' He gave another dazzling smile. 'We could go tomorrow, in fact.'

'I rather think we'll be burning poor Hilarion tomorrow.' Mother was dry.

'Ah. Yes, of course. The day after, perhaps?'

Jupiter, I didn't believe this! The guy had to have an ego the size of the Capitol. 'Hold on, friend,' I said. 'I thought you were here on a murder investigation?'

He didn't even have the grace to look fazed. 'Oh, that?' He waved his hand dismissively. 'I doubt if that'll be much of an obstacle, not now in the light of the wineshop woman's evidence. Your wife told me that you'd got the full story from her this afternoon.'

'Is that so, now?' I glanced at Perilla. Her ears were pink and she wasn't looking at me. Guilty; guilty as hell. So the smarmy bugger had got round her, too. Gods, wait till I got that lady home! 'Yeah, well, it could've been suicide, sure. But now Hilarion's got his head beaten in I'd say the odds on murder have shortened considerably.' I saw Mother wince; well, it served her right. 'I'm sure Perilla pointed that out to you too when she gave you her bootlegged run-down.'

'Actually she-'

He was interrupted by the slaves wheeling in the starters. I kept a leery eye on the plates, but most of them seemed all right: the usual crudities, olives, hard-boiled pea-hens' eggs, chickpeas with fennel. There was only one whacky dish that I could see, a sort of terrine made up of grey mush and green veins. It had "Phormio" written all over it.

'Ah…what's that stuff, Mother?' I pointed, keeping my finger well clear in case it bit.

'That?' Mother's perfect eyebrows lifted. 'Oh, that's fermented wild emmer purée in aspic with dandelion and burdock. Do be sure to have some. It's very good for you.'

Yeah. I'd just bet. Thank the gods I'd asked

'No, I'll pass, thanks,' I said and reached for a pea-hen's egg.

She sniffed. 'Suit yourself, dear.'

'I'll try some, if I may.' Aternius transferred a large spoonful of the glop onto his plate. 'It looks absolutely delicious.'

Mother gave him a beaming smile of approbation. Crawler!

I put the egg down. This was going to be good. I noticed that Nepos and Perilla, too, were looking on in horrified fascination. Aternius scooped up half the glop, opened his mouth, popped it in, closed his eyes and chewed. Any moment now…

Seconds passed. Nothing. I didn't believe this.

'Excellent.' He spooned up what was left and ladled more onto his plate. 'You must let me have the recipe.'

There was a terrible silence.

'You, ah, liked it, my dear chap?' Nepos said finally. He was looking slightly sick. 'Genuinely?'

Aternius's spoon paused and he frowned.

'Of course. Shouldn't I have?'

'Bloody hell!' Nepos muttered, and reached for the chickpeas.

Well, I'd seen everything now. The guy must have a palate like a strip of wash-leather. I dipped the pea-hen's egg in fish-pickle and bit into it…

Holy sweet immortal ever-living gods!

'Nice, aren't they, dear?' That was Mother, watching me while I choked. 'They're Phormio's latest discovery. Eggs stuffed with pepper, anchovies, stem ginger and crushed juniper berries.'

Luckily the wine slave had been doing the rounds. I grabbed my wine cup, sank a straight quarter pint and held it up for more. It didn't quite kill the taste, but at least it put out the fire in my throat. Some of it, anyway. I wiped my streaming eyes with my napkin. Jupiter, that had been a bad one! I wondered if whoever had brained Hilarion might be persuaded to take a free crack at Phormio. I might even add Mother to the list.

Aternius picked up one of the eggs and popped it into his mouth whole. Well, the guy had guts, I'd give him that. Or at least he had at the moment. Come four o'clock in the morning I wouldn't lay any bets.