Lindsey Davis - Last Act In Palmyra

I grinned at him. 'Sorry. I'm employed to write jokes.'

'About time you started doing it then,' someone chuckled; I didn't see who.

Afrania broke in, softening slightly. 'So Falco, what made you venture here among the troublemaking low life?'

'Thought I might be able to help.'

'Like how?' jeered a stagehand's wife.

'Who knows? I'm a man of ideas – '

'He means filthy thoughts,' suggested another broad-beamed female whose thoughts were undoubtedly much grimier than mine.

'I came to consult you all,' I carried on bravely. 'You may be able to help me work out who caused the two deaths. And I believe I can assure you that none of you is at risk.'

'How can you do that?' demanded the leader of the orchestra.

'Well, let's take this slowly. I'll not make rash promises about any man who can take life in such a cruelly casual way. I still don't have any real idea why he killed Heliodorus. But in Ione's case, the reason is much clearer.'

'Clear as mud on a bootstrap!' Plancina declared. There was still much hostility, though most of the group were now listening intently.

'Ione thought she knew who killed the playwright,' I told them. 'She had promised to reveal the man's name to me; she must have been killed to stop her giving him away.'

'So we are safe so long as we all go around saying "I've absolutely no idea who killed them!" in loud voices?' The orchestra leader was dry, though not unbearably sarcastic.

Ignoring him, I announced: 'If I knew whom Ione was meeting on the night she died, I would know everything. She was your friend. One of you must have an idea. She will have said something about her movements that evening, or at some other time she may have mentioned a man she was friendly with-' Before the jeers could break out I added hastily, 'I do bow she was very popular. There must be some of you here she had banged her tambourine for on occasions, am I right?'

One or two present owned up to it freely. Of the rest, some declared they were married, which was supposed to imply they were innocent; at any rate, in the presence of their wives it gave them immunity from questioning. Those men who had not tangled with Ione had certainly thought about it; this was accepted by everyone.

'Well that illustrates my problem,' I sighed. 'It could be any of you – or any of the actors.'

'Or you!' suggested Afrania. She looked sullen, and developed a nasty streak whenever this subject was discussed.

'Falco never knew Heliodorus,' someone else pointed out fairly.

'Maybe I did,' I conceded. 'I said I found him as a stranger, but maybe I had known him, took against him, then attached myself to the company afterwards for some perverted reason -'

'Such as you wanted his job?' cried Ribes the lyre-player with a wit that was rare for him. The rest dissolved into roars of laughter, and I was deemed innocent.

No one could offer any useful information. That did not mean no one had any. I might yet hear a furtive whisper outside my tent as someone became braver and came to pass on some vital clue.

'I cannot advise you about staying with the company,' I declared. 'But look at it this way. If you withdraw your labour, the tour will fold. Chremes and Phrygia cannot put on comedy without music or scenery. Both are traditional and the audience expects them.'

'A Plautian monologue without enhancing flute music is a loaf made with dead yeast,' pronounced the orchestra leader sombrely.

'Oh quite!' I tried to look respectful. 'Without you, bookings would become harder and eventually the troupe would disperse. Remember, if we break up, the killer gets away with it.' I stood up. That meant I could see all of them and address each conscience. I wondered how often they had received appeals to the heart from a grey-faced, nauseous inebriate who had nothing substantial to offer them: quite often if they worked for actor-managers. 'It's up to you. Do you want Ione's death to be avenged, or don't you care?'

'It's too dangerous!' wailed one of the women, who happened to be holding a small child on her hip.

'I'm not so crass that I don't know what I'm asking. Each of you must make the choice.'

'What's your interest, Falco?' It was Afrania who asked. 'You said you're a freelance. Why don't you just cut and run?'

'I am involved. I cannot avoid it. I discovered Heliodorus. My girlfriend found Ione. We have to know who did that -and make sure he pays.'

'He's right,' argued the cymbalist reasonably. 'The only way to catch this man is to stick together as a group and keep the killer among us. But how long will it take, Falco?'

'If I knew how long, I would know who he was.'

'He knows you're looking for him,' warned Afrania.

'And I know he must be watching me.' I gave her a hard stare, remembering her odd claims about the alibi she had given Tranio. I still felt certain that she had lied.

'If he thinks you are close, he may come after you,' suggested the cymbalist.

'He probably will.'

'Aren't you afraid?' Plancina asked, as if waiting to see me struck down was the next best thing to a gory chariot race.

'Coming after me will be his mistake.' I sounded confident.

'If you need a drink of water during the next few weeks,' the orchestra leader advised me in his usual pessimistic tone, 'I should make sure you only use a very small cup!'

'I'm not intending to drown.'

I folded my arms, planting my feet astride like a man who could be trusted in a tight spot. They knew about decent acting and were unconvinced by this. 'I can't make your decisions. But I can make one promise. There is more to me than some jobbing scribe Chremes picked up in the desert. My background's tough. I've worked for the best – don't ask me names. I've been involved in jobs I'm not allowed to discuss, and I'm trained in skills you'd rather I didn't describe. I've tracked down plenty of felons, and if you haven't heard about it that just proves how discreet I am. If you agree to stay on, I'll stay too. Then you will at least know that you have me looking after your interests…'

I must have been mad. I had had more sense and sanity when I was totally befuddled by last night's drink. Guarding them was not the problem. What I hated was the thought of explaining to Helena that I had offered my personal protection to wild women like Plancina and Afrania.

The musicians and stagehands stayed with us and continued to work. We gave Scythopolis The Birds. Scythopolis gave us-an ovation. For Greeks, they were surprisingly tolerant.

They had an interesting theatre, with a semicircular orchestra that could only be reached by steps. In a Roman play we would not have used it, but of course we were doing a Greek one, with a very large chorus, and Chremes wanted a flock of birds to spill down towards the audience. The steps made life difficult for anyone foolish enough to be acting while dressed in a large padded costume, with gigantic claws on their shoes, and a heavy beaked mask.

While we were there some cheapskate salesman was trying to persuade the magistrates to spend thousands on an acoustic system (some bronze devices to be hung on the theatre wall). The theatre architect was happily pointing out that he had already provided seven splendid oval niches that would take the complex equipment; he was obviously in on the deal with the salesman, and stood to receive a cut.

We tested the samples of the salesman's toys to the limit with tweeting, twittering and booming, and frankly they made no difference. Given the perfect acoustics of most Greek theatres, this was no surprise. The taxpayers of Scythopolis settled back in their seats and looked as if they were quite content to place wreaths in the seven niches. The architect looked sick.

Even though Congrio had told us it had happened before, I never really understood why Chremes had suddenly abandoned his normal repertoire. With Aristophanes we had leapt back in time about four hundred years, from New Roman Comedy to Old Greek ditto. I liked it. They say the old jokes are the best. They are certainly better than none at all. I want a play to have bite. By that, speaking as a republican, I mean some political point. Old Comedy had that, which made a sophisticated change. For me New Comedy was dire. I hate watching meaningless plots about tiresome characters in grisly situations on a provincial street. If I wanted that, I could go home and listen to my neighbours through their apartment walls..