Alys Clare - Mist Over the Water

I stared at the fox and he stared back at me, so intently that I felt his intelligence boring into me, questing, searching. I tensed so tight that it hurt. Then suddenly he released me, and it was as if he smiled; I swear he gave a little nod of recognition. Then there was a moment’s intense pain as something entered my mind — or perhaps something went out from it — and I understood that the fox and I were somehow united. I can’t remember any more; I slept then, or perhaps passed out, and when I woke I felt calm and strong. I got to my feet — it was dusk — and walked the many miles back to Aelf Fen without stopping to eat, drink or rest; without fear, too, for I knew my fox padded silently and invisibly beside me. It took me all night, and when I was back in Edild’s house I slept solidly for two days.

Now, as I sat on the floor beside my sick cousin, I sent my inner self striding off in search of Fox. Soon I felt him take up his place pacing at my side. He stretched his head up, and I felt his cool nose briefly touch my hand as he greeted me. He knew what we must do, for he was a part of me and had experienced all that I had experienced that day. Together we walked on, and my feet fell as softly as his. Presently, we came to the place we sought, and in my mind I cried out the words that would invite the spirits to come to us. Fox left my side, trotting round in a perfect circle, pausing briefly at east, south, west and north.

After some time, I knew the spirits were there. I opened my heart and begged them to help me.

When I returned to myself I could make out a very faint glimmer of light filtering through the gaps around the ill-fitting door. Very carefully I stretched, easing the cramp out of my legs; my feet had gone numb, and I gritted my teeth against the pain as the feeling returned. I must have been sitting there in my trance for many hours; the night was almost over.

For a moment I had forgotten why I’d set out on my journey to the spirits, but then it flashed back into my mind like a spring tide. Barely able to contain myself, I leaned over Morcar.

He was still alive. He was breathing steadily, and when I touched his forehead he was hot but not burning. He stirred briefly, smacked his lips, grunted and then, turning on his side, relaxed again. He was asleep. He was not unconscious or in the dread coma that leads down to death; he was just asleep.

Very quietly I got up and crept outside. I had a brand from the fire in my hand, and I hurried down the track to the water that rose and lapped at the far end. There I bent down and with my free hand scooped up a clump of mud. I walked right to the edge of the dark water, and then, closing my eyes, I turned my attention to the kindly spirits who had answered my appeal and thanked them from the bottom of my heart. Then I took a deep breath and let it out, softly and smoothly, giving my thanks to the spirit of air. I leaned down and plunged the glowing brand into the river for the spirits of fire and water. Finally, I dropped the ball of mud on to the shore for the spirit of earth. I stood for some time and gradually my racing, excited heartbeat slowed. When I felt ready, I turned my back on the darkly glistening water and returned to Morcar’s lodging.

Morcar woke up shortly before mid morning. I was alone with him, Sibert having set off to find food. I was not sure Morcar could be persuaded to eat, but I was ravenous and I’m sure Sibert was too. I was also drooping with tiredness, longing to put my head down and sleep. I planned to do just that later, once Sibert was back.

I watched as my cousin’s eyes slowly roamed round the sordid little room. Admittedly, the thorough clean-out had improved matters, but it was still a hovel, however you looked at it. Morcar finished his inspection and turned to me. ‘Thank you, Lassair,’ he said gravely.

‘Oh, it was nothing a bit of hard work couldn’t manage,’ I said lightly.

Morcar did not smile. ‘I was not thanking you for improving the room.’

I looked down, embarrassed by his expression. ‘I’m a healer,’ I muttered. ‘If I can’t do my best to save my own cousin, there isn’t much hope for anyone else.’

He did not reply. I remembered him as a silent sort of a man — and, indeed, I had put his sudden garrulousness the previous evening down to the ramblings of fever. I was just thinking that, as he hadn’t yet mentioned people trying to murder him, perhaps that had been a delusion of sickness, when he cleared his throat hesitantly and spoke again.

‘Lassair, we cannot stay here,’ he said, lowering his voice to a whisper. ‘It’s not safe.’

‘We can’t possibly move you yet,’ I whispered back. ‘You are far too weak to walk even as far as the end of the track and-’

‘Then you must get me a ride with a carter or find a mule,’ he hissed fiercely. As if I could conjure an obliging carter or a mule up out of thin air! ‘We have to get off the island, Lassair, for they tried to kill me once and will undoubtedly try again.’

I decided to go along with him. ‘They won’t if they don’t know where you are,’ I said very softly. He looked very slightly reassured, or that might have been my wishful thinking. Encouraged anyway, I added, ‘Even the monk at the abbey gate hadn’t heard of you and had no idea where you were.’

My words had the opposite effect from the one I’d hoped for; Morcar’s pale face went ashen and sweat broke out on his forehead. ‘ You asked for me at the abbey ?’ he said, the words a sort of strangled croak as he tried to shout and keep his voice down at the same time. ‘Oh, Lassair, you fool, you’ve killed us all!’

I was offended at being called a fool and, besides, he was being overdramatic. Or I hoped he was. ‘Shh! Be quiet! It’s all right, I just told you, the monk said quite plainly he knew of no one called Morcar of the Breckland who was a flint knapper!’

Morcar rolled his eyes. ‘Did you relate the long line of my ancestors while you were about it?’ he demanded furiously. ‘Dear God above, Lassair, you should have had more sense!’

I almost retorted that I hadn’t been aware there was any need for secrecy and how else was I to have sought him out other than by asking for him? I managed to bite back the words; he was still very sick and dependent on me. At no point in a healer’s long training is he or she taught that it’s permissible to yell at a patient. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said when I had myself under control. ‘I went to the abbey because I had no idea where you were, and I thought it possible the monks might be caring for you.’

‘You know why I couldn’t risk that. I told you,’ he said. He didn’t sound quite so angry.

‘Yes, I know now ,’ I said patiently. ‘I didn’t then .’

My cousin didn’t comment, except to go, ‘Hrumph!’

I hurried on. ‘I’m sure there’s no need to worry, Morcar. As I just said, the monk I spoke to had never heard of you.’

‘He might have mentioned your enquiry to his brethren,’ Morcar said, face twisting in anguish, ‘including the two that want to kill me!’ He tried to force himself into a sitting position. Quickly, I pushed him back. I had to use more force than I’d expected. He glared up at me out of terrified eyes. ‘Lassair, we have to go!’ he wailed. ‘It’s not only that they want to kill me, there’s something-’ Suddenly, his jaws clamped shut, as if someone had hit him hard on the point of his chin. The fear in his eyes intensified, and he gave a low moan, such an awful sound that my heart quaked.

‘ What? ’ I whispered, barely able to get the word out.

But he shook his head. ‘No. No ,’ he muttered. Then, eyes on mine again, he repeated urgently, ‘ We have to go! ’