Alys Clare - Music of the Distant Stars

She was dead. And he knew what he must do.

First, he must write a song for her, for he would not allow her to be forgotten and it was up to him, who had loved her, to make sure that her sweet essence lived on.

There was another task too, a far less pure and gentle one.

Straightening his back, his jaw set in a hard line, he went hunting.

My brother is a habitually early riser, wide awake and padding quietly about so as not to wake anyone else long before the rest of the family stirs. I am not; Edild often has to shake me quite hard. The exception is when I have something serious on my mind, and that was the case the morning after we’d got back from our hopeless search for Derman and I’d heard the invisible singer for the second time.

I love my brother Haward dearly. I had so hoped he would find happiness with Zarina; she was so good for him, and I’d noticed that his love for her — and hers for him — had filled him with a new belief in himself so that now he barely stuttered at all. Last night, as he’d hurried to support me, the tongue-tying stammer had come right back.

He filled my mind as I lay awake in the thin light of dawn. I sensed he was calling out to me. Silently, I slipped out from under the bedcovers, pulled my gown over my shift, picked up my boots and let myself out of the house. The chill air struck me like a slap, and quickly I reached back inside for my shawl. I ran across the village, and just as I approached my parents’ house, the door opened and Haward emerged.

We grinned at each other, both of us struck by the strange link between us that had brought us to this spot at precisely the same instant. He opened his arms and hugged me. He smelt of home. After a moment he said, ‘We’re going to search again as soon as it’s light. If we make an early start there’s a while before we have to start work.’

We . ‘Who’s going? I can come, for a while anyway.’ It would not be long, for Edild had warned me we had a great deal to do that day and I dared not be absent when she wanted me.

Haward smiled. ‘You’d be an asset, for sure. Hrype and Sibert will come, and Father said he’d spare us as much time as he can. He’s going to bring Squeak.’

‘That’s good.’ My little brother is one of the most observant people I know. ‘I’ll-’

Haward grasped my hands in his. ‘There’s something else I’d much r-rather you did,’ he said. The stutter, combined with his sudden, deep frown, gave away his anxiety.

I said a silent goodbye to my happy little daydream of me being the one to find Derman — quite unharmed, of course — and bringing him safely home, cries of, However did you find him, Lassair? Did you use your magic powers and dowse for him? ringing in my ears. I looked at my brother and said, ‘Whatever it is, I’ll do it. You only have to ask.’

His face intent, he said, ‘Watch Zarina for me.’

‘I will!’ I replied. ‘Only, I’ve got to get back to Edild’s quite soon, like I said, because-’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t mean right n-now. I meant, watch out to see how she copes with Derman’s absence. Whether she goes on being as distressed as she is now, or whether-’ He stopped, shaking his head.

I did not understand. ‘But you’ll probably find him this morning, or else he’ll come home by himself!’ Even as I said the words, I did not believe them. ‘Or perhaps not,’ I muttered.

Haward opened his mouth to speak, then, with a glance over his shoulder towards the house, took my arm and led me away along the path. Whatever he wanted to say, I knew it was very important. I waited, dread flooding through me.

‘Lassair, Zarina will not m-m-m-marry me,’ he said in a harsh tone, struggling so hard over marry that his face went dark red. ‘I know she loves me, and I certainly l-love her, b-b-but she will not inflict D-D-Derman on our family.’

I stroked his arm, trying to soothe him. ‘I know,’ I murmured. ‘She told me.’

I don’t think my brother was listening. ‘Sh-sh-she says he is not c-capable of killing anyone,’ he went on, ‘b-but he was missing on the m-morning the girl was found dead, and we all kn-kn-know he was sweet on her. If she rejected him, wh-who’s to s-s-s-say how he’d react?’

Haward stopped speaking, his eyes intent on mine. Clearly, he did not want to put it into words, but I had no such compunction. ‘You mean he might have been so angry and frustrated that he killed her. That’s why I found him weeping, and that’s why he’s run away. Because he realized straight away what he’d done and could not face us?’

‘Or because he knew he would be hanged for her murder,’ Haward said harshly and with no trace of a stammer. I understood then the depths of his resentment and perhaps even hatred for Zarina’s brother.

I took in the implications of what my brother had said. If Derman had murdered Ida — and my head told me it was quite possible — then once he was found, he would be tried, convicted and punished. Then he would be dead, and Zarina could marry Haward.

I stared into Haward’s eyes. I could not believe that my beloved brother, gentle, peace-loving, kind-hearted, good Haward, would wish anyone to hang, even the impediment to his happiness that Derman was. Haward just wasn’t that cold and selfish, that he would wish another’s death so that he could get what he wanted. Even if that other person was a murderer. .

I had to ask. ‘Do you hope you find him?’

I thought he was going to say yes. For a moment, I really believed Haward was going to act so out of character that I’d hardly recognize him. But then the uncharacteristically hard expression left his eyes. His shoulders sagged and he said, ‘No. Of course I don’t. I hope he runs so far and so fast that we never catch him.’

I realized then why Haward wanted me to watch Zarina. He wanted to know how she would feel if her brother didn’t come back. And I think he already had a very good idea. .

I walked slowly back to Edild’s house, so many thoughts and impressions warring inside my head that I was back there before I knew it.

‘I’ve been to see Haward,’ I said by way of explanation.

She nodded. There was no need to explain. ‘The search resumes?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

As if she fully understood Haward and Zarina’s terrible dilemma — well, undoubtedly she did — she muttered, ‘Poor, poor things.’ Then she fixed me with a determined look and said, ‘A messenger came from the hall. You are to go up there and tend Lady Claude.’

‘ Me? ’

‘You.

‘But — it’s the hall, and you’re the healer!’

‘You, too, are skilled, adequately so for what is required.’ Her face softened a little and she added, ‘They did in fact ask for me, but I cannot go. I have to tend a nervous new mother who needs urgent reassurance that her baby girl is not going to die, as well as a lad with a very painful boil that has to be lanced and a case that I suspect is quinsy, for the man can barely breathe.’

‘What’s the matter with Lady Claude?’ I ran my eyes over the contents of my leather satchel, waiting for my aunt’s reply before deciding what remedies and potions to add.

Edild said, ‘She has a headache, and she cannot sleep.’

I reached for feverfew, wood betony and lavender, out of which I would make an infusion for the headache. I always carry lavender oil, which I would mix with almond oil as a massage for the brow and temples, if the lady would allow it. In our herb garden Edild and I had a patch of wild lettuce that had gone to seed; I would make a preparation that would have Claude sleeping like a baby tonight.