William Johnston - And Loving It!

All four of the accident victims arose at the same moment.

“Zop!” Lucky Bucky commanded.

Max and 99 ducked.

The spell hit a guard who was coming around the corner, pursuing Max and 99. The guard made a gun of his index finger, pointed it at Max, 99, Lucky Bucky and Guru Optimo and snarled, “Awright, youse guys, stick’em up!”

Eight hands flew into the air.

“What is he, Max?” 99 asked.

“Well, he’s- Wait a minute! That last zop canceled out his previous zop! He isn’t hypnotized any more. He’s an actor again, and he’s doing his Edward G. Robinson imitation!”

“Then-”

“Right, 99! That finger is only a stage prop! Run!”

Max and 99 darted past the guard-or actor-raced around the corner-and piled head-on into the rest of the guards.

Lucky Bucky Buckley, Guru Optimo and Edward G. Robinson came running around the corner an instant later and piled head-on into Max and 99.

There was a wild scramble.

Max squirmed out from the bottom of the pile. “99! Where are you!”

“Here, Max!”

An arm reached out.

Max grabbed it by the wrist and galloped down the corridor.

“Max! Wait for me!” a voice far back along the corridor called.

He halted. He found that he had Edward G. Robinson by the wrist.

“Awright, youse-”

Max dropped him with a karate chop. “Sorry about that,” he said. “But you’ve had it coming a long time, you know, going around ordering everybody to stick’em up.”

99, who had freed herself from the spaghetti of arms and legs, caught up with Max.

“Let’s go, Max!” she said urgently.

“All right, 99. But no more lefts and rights. The next set of stairs we come to-down. Agreed?”

“Anything you say, Max. Just-”

There was a flash of light.

Max dashed along the corridor, with 99 close at his heels. They reached some stairs. But there was only one flight, and it ascended.

Max ran on.

“Max, why didn’t we take those stairs?” 99 asked.

“It’s against the rules to go down the up staircase, 99.”

“Max. . would it have hurt, just once?”

“That’s how bad habits start, 99. You go down the up staircase once, then, the next thing you know, you’re going up the down staircase. And after that you think nothing of it. It’s up the down staircase and down the up staircase all day long. And the nights are even worse.”

“Max, that doesn’t sound so terrible to me.”

“99, that’s only the beginning. Pretty soon, staircases don’t satisfy you. You need elevators!”

“Max, I still say-”

“Up ahead, 99! A down staircase!”

They reached the stairs, then dashed downward. When they reached the next floor, they stopped. Max looked back.

“Oh-oh!” he said, alarmed.

“What, Max?”

“Look, 99-that’s an up staircase we just came down.”

“Only from here, Max. From where we were it was a down staircase.”

He looked at her thoughtfully. “That’s what we tell ourselves, 99,” he said. “But who’s to say? Who really knows the truth, 99?”

Lucky Bucky Buckley and the guards appeared at the head of the stairs.

“Halt!” Lucky Bucky shouted.

Max and 99 took flight, running down a corridor.

“There-up ahead!” Max pointed. “Another staircase!”

“Max, do you think we should-the way it effects you?”

“I have no choice, 99,” Max replied, wild-eyed. “The worst has happened! I’ve got the habit! I’m hooked!”

Driven by his mad desire, Max raced down, down, down one ascending and/or descending staircase after another, with 99 right behind him. Finally, he reached bottom-the dungeon.

“Max! We can’t go any further! There are no more staircases!”

“I don’t know why you’re so disappointed, 99. Now, I can break the habit.”

“But we’re trapped!”

“ Every silver lining has its dark cloud, 99.”

They heard Lucky Bucky and the guards at the entrance to the dungeon. Max grabbed 99 by the hand and led the way along the corridor. A moment later they reached the torture chamber.

“Maybe we can find someplace to hide,” Max said, looking around. “That well over there looks safe.”

“Max, that’s the well with the boiling oil and the crocodiles.”

“I thought it looked familiar.”

“There’s a huge wooden chest over there, Max. It looks big enough for both of us.”

They ran to the chest. Max lifted the lid, then they got inside, and Max started to close the lid. But 99 stopped him.

“Max! No! Look! The inside of the lid is studded with spikes! If you close it, we’ll be pierced!”

“Pierced?”

“Stuck!”

“Oh. Well, I wouldn’t want to get stuck in this chest. Let’s look for somewhere else to hide.”

They climbed out. They could hear Lucky Bucky and the guards in the corridor, getting nearer.

“Max-it’s too late!”

“Maybe not, 99.” He pressed himself against a wall of the dungeon. “Do this, 99.”

99 flattened herself against the wall. “How is this going to help, Max?”

“Pretend to be something,” he replied.

“Max, I don’t understand.”

“I learned this in drama class when I was in second grade,” Max answered. “If you put your mind to it, you can pretend to be anything you want to be. I used to pretend to be a tennis court. And I was so good at it that, at the end of the class, my teacher used to scold me for not putting my net away.”

“Max!”

“She said it would deteriorate if it was left out in the rain.”

“Max, it just won’t work.”

“Maybe you’re right, 99. A tennis court would look a little out of place down here in the dungeon.”

At that instant, Lucky Bucky and the guards burst into the torture chamber.

“They’re here somewhere!” Lucky Bucky said. “Search everywhere-every nook and cranny!”

“He didn’t mention tennis courts,” Max whispered to 99. “We might still have a chance.”

“Nook and cranny includes tennis courts, Max.”

The guards were getting closer.

“That reminds me of a joke,” Max said.

“Max! Not now!”

They pressed closer to the wall. And suddenly the wall opened up behind them and they tumbled backwards. The wall then closed, leaving them in total darkness.

“The way the joke goes-”

“Max! Where are we? What happened?”

“The wall opened and we’re in a secret passageway, 99. Now, the way the joke goes, you see, the cops were raiding a gambling den, and they found that every one of the gamblers was either a thief or an English governness.”

“Max, we escaped!”

“Yes, I know, 99. So, looking for evidence, the cops lined them up against the wall, and the head cop said, ‘Okay, boys, search them-every crook and nanny.’ ”

“Max, I can’t see a thing. How will we ever get out of here?”

“Don’t you get it, 99? The thieves were the crooks and the English governesses were the nannies. That’s what English governesses are called-nannies.”

“Max, I think I’ve found some steps.”

“No, thanks, 99-I’ve kicked the habit.”

“But we can’t stay here!”

“It was a play on words, 99. Nooks and crannies and crooks and nannies.”

“Max, this secret passageway must lead somewhere. Let’s follow it.”

“I have a better idea, 99. Why don’t we follow this secret passageway? It must lead somewhere.”

“You’re right, Max. You go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.”

They began making their way slowly up the steps.

“Well, I’m going to be in trouble with Miss Himmelman again,” Max said.

“With who, Max?”

“With Miss Himmelman, my second grade teacher. I left my net back there in the dungeon.”