Рон Гуларт - Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 39, No. 13, Mid-December 1994

On the other hand, having suffered her wrath almost perpetually throughout their long and somewhat strange relationship, he found the thought of finding her alive, of having to face her and own up to what he’d caused to happen to her precious car, almost as horrifying. Especially after he scrambled over the top of that pile of rubble and saw what was left of the Lincoln, which oddly enough was sitting on the family room rug, snuggled up real cosy next to the fireplace. It took him a couple of seconds to verify that Miss Petula was still breathing, but he knew immediately that the car was gone. A total loss. It made him want to just sit down and cry.

Which, curiously enough, was pretty much what he was preparing to do when he happened to notice that the ground around the pickup truck was literally covered with these little plastic bags that were filled with some kind of white powder. Little plastic bags that had apparently been stashed between the truck’s hubcaps and tires and had fallen out when the hubcaps popped off.

So, to make a long story short, that was how Sheriff Duncan happened to win that award for making the biggest drug bust in the whole history of Miller County. Not that he would want anyone to go around repeating all the details, you understand, what with him being a hero now and the governor having given him that award already. After all, there really isn’t any reason to go around embarrassing people, is there?

And besides, in a way he did sort of earn that award. Not by chasing that pickup truck and getting half the county torn up and in the hospital, of course, but by finally screwing up his courage and facing Miss Petula with the truth of what had really happened to her Lincoln. Well, he at least told her part of the truth. He left out the part where he was afraid of finding her alive.

As it turns out, he made his confession when he stopped off at the hospital on his way up to Jefferson City, where the right honorable governor of the State of Missouri was waiting to give him his award. He even took her some flowers, which was kind of out of character for him. Except Miss Petula insisted later on that she had on several occasions informed him that she was allergic to that particular variety of flower.

Of course, if you ask him about it, he’ll deny it. But then he’ll give you a funny little smile, and then he’ll say he would’ve done it anyway, on account of he’s known all along that she’s been sweet on him all these sixty-odd years that they’ve known each other, and that he doesn’t want to leave her any false impressions, like maybe she has more of a chance with him than she really does.

But folks who know him don’t buy that story. And at least two reliable witnesses who were on the spot insist that even though the whole time he was there she was chewing him up one side and down the other for being so foolish and irresponsible, when he left her room he was smiling and humming for all the world to see. Which is really pretty extraordinary behavior for a man Miss Petula says is the orneriest critter humankind ever got around to spawning.

The thing is, for Sheriff Duncan, being chewed out by Miss Petula like that’s better than getting a hug from anybody else. Or a medal from the governor, if the truth were known. Because he knows it’s just her way of letting him know without actually saying it that she still cares.

Oh, and by the way. While he was at the hospital he learned that the Walkers are going to be up and walking around again in no time. Which is good news, since the sheriff’s been thinking maybe he could get Joe Junior to take a picture of him holding that award the governor gave him. He figures he’s going to give it to Miss Petula as a present the next time they play dominoes.