Блейз Клемент - The Cat Sitter’s Pajamas

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Author Blaize Clement has
thrilled readers everywhere
with the first six books in her
pet-sitting mystery series. Now
Blaize's beloved heroine Dixie
Hemingway is back for another adventure, and she has her
hands full when the worlds of
celebrity hijinks, counterfeit
fashion, and naughty cats
collide.
Dixie Hemingway, no relation to you-know-who, accepts a job
taking care of famous linebacker
Cupcake Trillin's cats, Elvis and
Lucy, while he's away. But what
seems like an easy job turns
scary when Dixie finds a celebrity fashion model in
Cupcake's house. The woman
refuses to leave AND she also
claims to be Cupcake's wife. But
Dixie has met Cupcake's wife,
and this woman certainly isn't her.
Soon, Dixie is spun into the
world of counterfeit high
fashion. When a valuable list of
fake merchandise sellers goes
missing, the criminals go after Dixie. Once again, what started
as a simple cat-sitting job has
turned into a mess that only
Dixie can solve.

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For the rest of the afternoon, I minded my own business. I walked an elderly boxer with creaky knees and sad eyes. I cleaned litter boxes. I groomed cats. I tossed a Frisbee for a hyperactive terrier, and I played chase-the-peacock-feather with a Russian Blue who could leap as high as my head. I brought in mail and left it neatly stacked on hall tables. I watered house plants and vacuumed cat hair. At every house, I checked timers to make sure lights and TVs would turn on and off at various times to fool would-be burglars. I changed TV programs for the pets, too. Most of them like the nature channels during the day, but they seem to prefer kid shows in the late afternoon and early evening. They’re not too crazy about cop shows or romantic comedies.

While I switched channels at one house, I caught a local news report about the murder at Cupcake’s house. With my thumb suspended over the remote, I stared at old footage of Briana sashaying down a runway in Milan or Rome or Paris, her pelvic bones leading her pale lithesome body, shoulders held in a classic slouch, all that red hair tumbled around her face. That image segued into footage of Cupcake suited up in his football gear, his dark face behind the helmet’s grid looking ferocious and huge.

The TV voice said, “A bizarre case of fame stalking fame became even more bizarre today when an unidentified woman was found murdered in the home of Tampa Bay Buccaneer Cupcake Trillin. A spokesperson with the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Department said that the internationally famous model Briana had broken into Trillin’s Sarasota home before the murder occurred. Briana, who uses only the one name, has not been formally charged with homicide, but she is being held without bail pending a hearing. Trillin, who was in Italy when the murder occurred, is on his way home.”

I said, “I guess the department isn’t telling Briana’s real name.”

The three cats who were patiently waiting for me to bring up their favorite TV show turned their wide eyes at me, giving me that phony innocent look that cats do when all the time they’re wiser than anybody.

Embarrassed, I zipped through the rest of the channels until I found the one with flying birds.

I left the cats raptly watching their TV screen. As I headed home, I realized that I had become so caught up in shock that I hadn’t given much thought to the identity of the woman who’d been murdered. I’d given even less thought to the identity of the mystery person Briana claimed had been the killer.

I needed to get my priorities straight. By her own admission, Briana was a liar and a thief. If Cupcake said he didn’t know Briana, then he didn’t know her. Briana was not only a mentally ill woman who broke into people’s houses and hung out with Serbian heroin dealers, she was a murderer. Furthermore, it was silly of me to feel sad about Briana. If I should be sad about anybody, it was the dead woman, not a spoiled, headline-seeking, lying killer.

I told myself that all the way home, and I almost convinced myself. But the question still buzzed in my head: Why had Briana stalked Cupcake? It couldn’t have been simply because he was a famous person. She was even more famous than he, so fame couldn’t have been the allure. She didn’t seem like a big sports fan, either.

For the first time, I wondered if it had been Jancey who was being stalked, not Cupcake. Jancey was a beautiful, poised woman who didn’t have to rely on paparazzi to assure her she was admired. Any woman would envy Jancey, especially a woman like Briana who’d had to fight for everything she had. Perhaps Briana had stalked the Trillins not because she coveted Cupcake but because she envied Jancey’s life. Perhaps she had thought the murdered woman was Jancey, and in some hallucinatory madness had killed her so she could take her place.

As I waited for the light at Stickney Point, a motorcycle gang on pimped up Gold Wings roared over the drawbridge. The lead bike was a two-seater with an elderly couple wearing matching black leather jackets, helmets, and goggles. A Scottish terrier rode proudly in a carrier on the back. The terrier wore a helmet, jacket, and goggles like his humans. The group turned onto Midnight Pass Road and made a fast turn into the parking lot of Cap’n Curt’s Crab and Oyster Bar.

Seeing those Gold Wing geezers having fun reminded me that the secret to happiness was to mind my own business. It was not my responsibility to answer any of the questions about Briana or the woman killed in the Trillins’ house. I was a pet sitter coming home after a trying day, not a sociologist or an investigative reporter. Furthermore, I was a hungry pet sitter without a brother to feed her. Michael wouldn’t be home from his firefighting shift until eight the next morning, so there wouldn’t be a meal laid out waiting for me.

Michael is the family cook and the firehouse cook. Since he was four and I was two and our mother left us alone to go off on a weekend binge, he has fed me. When he was four, he fed me peanut butter and jelly. Now that he’s thirty-four, he serves more sophisticated fare, but it’s always with the firm conviction that it’s his duty to make good food for his little sister—and for Paco and his fellow firefighters and anybody else who might want to eat.

When I rounded the last curve in the lane to my apartment and saw Paco’s truck parked in its carport slot, I perked up. When I saw Paco’s Harley also in the carport, I perked up even more. Paco is as helpless as I am when he’s hungry, and unless he had a case to work that night, I could rely on him to join me for a restaurant meal.

Paco is Greek American, but his coloring makes it easy for him to pass as Middle Eastern or Latin American or anything in between. After my brother, he’s my best friend in all the world. He’s so smart that he’s sometimes a little bit scary, plus he’s what women mean when they say “tall, dark, and handsome.” Women tend to get lustful around him, but he and Michael have been a couple for thirteen years and neither of them has any intention of ever not being together.

He and Ella were on the deck waiting for the sunset, Paco stretched in an Adirondack chair my grandfather built decades ago, Ella sitting on his chest. Paco’s eyes had dark shadows under them, and his skin had the dried look of weariness. He wore rumpled shorts and a loose T-shirt, his bare feet cool on the redwood floor. Ella wore her usual red, white, and black blocks of color. Paco gave me a lazy grin of welcome, and Ella flicked the tip of her tail. I took another wooden chair and sighed with relief at being home.

With the easy intimacy of people who don’t need to talk, Paco and I looked toward the ball of fire sliding down the curve of blue sky. A few wisps of white cloud drifted across its face, and an occasional brave bird made a V as it flew by, but otherwise the sun held center stage.

There’s something almost supernatural about a sunset over the Gulf, something that makes the sun seem to swell and pulsate with growing intensity, sending out a higher energy to meet the energy of beings who turn to it as a source of life. A hush falls over the edge of the sea as the sun draws closer to it. Birds cease their crying, humans stop their chatter, even the surf hitting the sand seems to whisper.

Entranced, we sat in goldenrod light as the sun flirted with the sea, now languorous, sultry, heavy with desire, then bold and brassy with coming-at-you demand. A breathless moment like the instant between a shutter clicking and the image being recorded forever, and the rim of the sun touched the sea. Bold now, sun and sea reached for each other and the sun sank into the sea’s depths, leaving a wake of gilded aurora.

A shimmering golden highway stretching to the shore faded into the sea, and the sky’s last wisps of turquoise and violet dimmed and disappeared. The day was over. Evening had begun.

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