Рита Браун - The Tail Of The Tip-Off

"All they do is make you go to the bathroom. They don't really work and the ones that do work the FDA took off the market because they damaged something, your liver. Hell, I wouldn't take enough to damage my liver. I just don't want the extra baggage in the winter which is then so hard to drop in the spring. Maybe that's why April is the cruelest month. A girl starts thinking about how she'll look in her bathing suit."

"Susan Tucker."

"See, I've solved a literary mystery."

"Now back to the real mystery. Why did H.H. leave Anne?"

"That." A long pause followed. "He was having yet another affair."

"Ah, I am sorry to hear that. Did she say who or did Little Mim?"

"No, but I have a feeling it's not one of his usual casual romps."

"Ugh."

As Harry and Susan had been friends since infancy they could speak to one another in shorthand and often they didn't need to speak at all.

"You got that right. Once the tears have wrung you dry, anger sweeps in like the north wind. Let's hope he comes to his senses. Everybody feels temptation. You wouldn't be human, right?"

"Yes," Harry reluctantly agreed.

"Victory means you turn away from it. God, I sound like my father. But it is true. And H.H. has a lovely, sweet twelve-year-old daughter to consider. That's such a great age, too."

"You don't think it could be BoomBoom, do you?"

"Harry, every time someone has an affair in this town it isn't with BoomBoom."

"You're right. Half the town is female."

"Oh pulease. Will you get over it?"

A long silence followed.

Finally Harry muttered, "I am. Almost. I am."

"Good. I love you like beans, Harry, like my second skin, but this has gone on long enough. I don't want my best friend to turn into some embittered woman, and besides, it was a relationship that didn't really go anywhere. He's paid his dues."

"I guess we all have and I know it's snippy to say something like that about BoomBoom but she's so, uh, sultry. Men just eat that up. If I live to be one hundred and ten I will never figure out why they go after women who are so obvious. Is there another word? I'd like to think some of them are attracted to sophistication."

"Some are. They made Grace Kelly a star."

"Women made Grace Kelly a star."

"Harry, you are being argumentative. Very few actors become megastars unless they appeal to both sexes."

"You're right. Okay then, Smart One, Sage of Crozet, who is today's Grace Kelly?" A hint of triumph crept into Harry's pleasant speaking voice, once heard never forgotten.

"Well, how about Gwyneth Paltrow? Cate Blanchett?"

"You know, they are impressive but it's not fair to compare someone to a vanished goddess or even a living one like Sophia Loren."

"And now back to something you just said, that half the town is female. You recall that?"

"Yes."

"How do you know some women aren't lusting after BoomBoom?"

"I don't." Harry laughed. "But she's not lusting back. Oh, I would love it, I mean love it in capital letters if BoomBoom were a lesbian. What a blessed relief." She thought a moment. "Hey, I usually don't think of that, you know, someone being gay, but what if H.H. left Anne for a man? He's always fooling around. Maybe it's a cover-up or a way to run away from his true orientation. You think?"

"Not likely."

"Yeah, but it would be juicy. Heterosexual scandal is a little trite. I mean, there's so much of it."

"You kill me. Anyway, if H.H. were gay, we'd know. You can always tell with men. It's a lot easier than with women. Some women."

"True, but who? Not gay, I mean who is he sleeping with?"

"Who knows? It's not like he doesn't meet a lot of women. Many of his clients are good-looking, often married, since he's usually building houses. 'Course now he's switched to large commercial projects."

"He hopes to switch to large commercial projects. He's not in Matthew Crickenberger's class," Harry commented.

"In time, he could be."

"True. You're saying he meets bank officers and corporate types. I'm sure many of them are good-looking women. Have you ever noticed how many successful people are good-looking?"

"I have. They may not be drop-dead gorgeous but they make the most of what they have. That bespeaks intelligence. You really can't succeed if you don't look good."

"I'm sure there's some animal reason for it."

"Is she going to say something about us?" Pewter wondered.

"Don't know." Mrs. Murphy listened to the conversation although it was hard to hear Susan.

The animals wished Harry would buy a modern phone system with a speaker switch. Reconstructing the other half of a conversation called for kitty creativity and logic.

Harry felt sorry for Anne. "If there's anything I can do, let me know. I mean, you'll know before I do. It's such a terrible feeling, that moment when you find out."

"The wonder of it is that Anne didn't know before now."

"People don't know what they don't want to know," Harry said.

"Maybe I'm blind." Susan's voice faltered a moment.

"Not Ned. He's true blue." Harry's brightened. "I have some idea what Anne's going through, although it was a little different for me. Fair said he had to 'find' himself. Where do people get these dreadful phrases? Anyway, he found himself BoomBoom. But you know, I think he fooled around before. It's so easy for an equine vet to do it, you know? All those wonderful farm calls. But it's water over the dam." She paused. "Did Anne catch him red-handed?"

"I don't know. If I find out anything more, I will call. Little Mim said that Anne and Cameron would spend the night at her place. It's not a good night to drive anyway. Might not be a good morning to come in to work. Well, Miranda can open the P.O. for you."

"I can get in."

"We'll see, but don't be a hero."

"All right. Thanks for telling me. If I don't see you tomorrow I'll see you at the game Friday night," Harry added. "Wonder if the Donaldsons will be there. That little Cameron loves basketball."

"If all else fails, I'll take Anne and Cameron," Susan said with authority.

"Good idea. 'Bye."

Harry hung up the phone. Through her kitchen window, she saw the big owl that lived in the barn fly in the cupola, a flutter of wings in the snowy darkness, just enough motion to catch her eye.

The phone rang again.

Thinking it was Susan with a callback, Harry picked up. "Yes, boss."

"I like that."

"Herb, sorry, I thought it was Susan."

"Just me."

"Just you is very fine. What can I do for you?"

"Given the weather I've canceled the meeting tomorrow but I managed to contact everyone by phone and get a voice vote."

"Clever."

He paused a moment. "Well?"

"I'm on your team."

"It certainly saves time, doesn't it? You sit there in those meetings and hear who shot John." Herb used the Southern expression that means everyone gives their opinion whether relevant or not. In fact, one person can hold conflicting opinions all by himself-not that that ever stopped anyone from giving them out. "Here it is. Everyone, even Tazio Chappars, has come around to putting down carpet over all the needed areas."

"How did you do that?"

"Matthew Crickenberger said he'd pay for it through his company, using his construction discount, and we could pay it back over two years with no interest. You know, he does a lot for the community. Except for his foreman, I think most of his workers are illiterate. He's giving them good salaries, a chance to learn. I'll say an extra prayer for him."

"I will, too." Harry paused. "This has nothing to do with the carpet but I just heard that H. H. Donaldson left Anne."

Herb didn't immediately reply. "I'd hoped it wouldn't come to that."

"The Donaldsons are Episcopalians." Harry wondered how Herb knew anything concerning their marriage.