Лилиан Браун - The Cat Who Talked Turkey

Then Arch said, “Qwill, I can’t resist asking any longer. What’s that thing on the side table?” He pointed to a small block of wood and a paddle.

“A turkey call,” Qwilleran explained. “The Outdoor Club was selling them to raise money for a good cause, so I bought a few to give to friends who hunt game birds. I use this one to tease Koko. He talks back to it. He thinks he can talk turkey.”

“Now I’ve heard it all! Let’s go home.”

The guests carried the dishes into the barn, and the women tidied the kitchen while Qwilleran fed the cats. Arch had learned that he could be most helpful by keeping out of the way, so he wandered around and made comments:

“I see you’ve got a new phone. . . . Who made this turned wood gadget with paper clips in it? . . . I see Koko knocked an Uncle Wiggily book off the shelf. . . . Are you still reading to the cats?”

The guests drove away, and Qwilleran transported the cats to the gazebo in their tote bag, along with a book about a rabbit who wore a top hat and had gentlemanly manners. Yum Yum had smuggled her silver thimble to the gazebo in the tote bag and proceeded to bat it around the concrete floor. Koko was sitting on his brisket near the screen, as if waiting for something to happen.

“Are you waiting for the mailman?” Qwilleran asked. “Waiting for Santa Claus? Waiting for Godot?”

The cat turned and regarded him pityingly—or so it seemed.

Suddenly Qwilleran felt weary, not only from the effort of doing a one-man show and the excitement of partying afterward, but also from the whole Lish-and-Lush experience, climaxed by the suicide in his own backyard. He felt the urge to relax, do nothing, enjoy the early summer evening, give his vocal cords a hiatus. Perhaps he dozed off. Possibly he dreamed. He may have heard Koko clucking and gobbling.

He was sure he heard a rustling in the shrubbery, as two wild turkeys appeared, followed by a veritable horde of poults—all the same size. More large birds with red wattles came from the back road, saw the barn, and put their heads together as if critiquing the architecture.

Had Koko invited them? Was this why he had been waiting and watching?

Even as Qwilleran stared at the scene, the congregation began to drift away into the bushes. The last to leave were the poults, with lingering glances back at Koko, perhaps wishing they could have stayed longer.

A high-decibel yowl directly in his ear catapulted Qwilleran out of his lounge chair. Koko was on the chairside table.

“You devil!” he shouted.

Koko nudged the volume of Uncle Wiggily stories.

Qwilleran obliged—reading the honorable doings of Uncle Wiggily. The cat had lost interest in “The Shooting of Dan McGrew” and The Hunting of the Snark, but—it might be noted—not until Lish and Lush had been identified with the two “woodland murders.”

Simmons, who thought “snark” sounded like something spelled backward, would be amused to know that it spelled KRANS. . . . “Kranson” was the real surname of Alicia and her felonious parent.

Qwilleran had to admit that the connection was preposterous; it was purely coincidental. . . . But what about Koko’s reactions to Lish from the very beginning? He had growled at her when she walked down the beach; he had hissed at her message on the phone! All cats have a sense of right and wrong, but Koko’s clairvoyance was beyond belief! There was one incontrovertible fact, and that was the authenticity of his blood-curdling death howl signifying wrongful death. It could be a mile away or a continent away, but it was always connected with an individual or a situation close to home.

“Yow!” said Koko, on the table at Qwilleran’s elbow and staring with a fathomless gaze, after which he rolled over onto his spine and attended to a sudden catly itch.

“Not on the table!” came the scolding, but Kao K’o Kung went on doing what had to be done.

“N-n-now!” came a delicate cry from Yum Yum. With the silver thimble clamped in her little jaws, she jumped to Qwilleran’s lap and gave him her favorite toy.

RECIPES

“They chatted, stopping long enough to order lunch. . . . Qwilleran said he’d stick to his favorite Reuben sandwich. ”

REUBEN SANDWICH

12 slices of rye bread

3 tablespoons butter or margarine

Reuben dressing

1 pound of thinly sliced corned beef

1

1

⁄

2

cups sauerkraut, well-drained

6 slices Swiss cheese

Spread 1 side of each slice of bread with butter or margarine. Turn the slices over and spread the other side with Reuben dressing. Place corned beef on 6 of the slices, followed by 1⁄4 cup of sauerkraut and 1 slice of cheese. Top with the remaining slices of bread, butter side up. Place on a griddle or large non-stick fry pan to cook. Press down on the sandwiches as they cook or weight them to keep them compact. Cook about 6 minutes or until the first side is crisp. Then turn the sandwiches over and cook until the second side is crisp and the cheese is melted. Makes 6 sandwiches.

REUBEN DRESSING

1 cup mayonnaise

1

⁄

4

cup sour cream

1

⁄

3

cup chili sauce

1 teaspoon finely chopped onion

4 tablespoons sweet pickle relish

1 teaspoon lemon juice

1

⁄

2

teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1

⁄

2

teaspoon horseradish

Combine the mayonnaise, sour cream, and chili sauce in a small bowl. Then stir in the onion, sweet pickle relish, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, and horseradish. Mix thoroughly.

“Then Qwilleran filled a picnic basket with cold drinks in an ice pack, a ham sandwich for himself, crunchies for the Siamese, and two molasses-ginger cookies from the Scottish bakery. He wondered how these plain, flat, brown cookies could be so humble and yet so delectable. Upon further consideration, he put all four in the basket.”

MOLASSES-GINGER COOKIES

1

1

⁄

2

cups flour

3

⁄

4

teaspoon soda

1

⁄

2

teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground ginger

l teaspoon ground cinnamon

1

⁄

2

cup butter or margarine, room temperature

3

⁄

4

cup sugar

1 egg

1

⁄

4

cup molasses

1

⁄

2

cup coconut flakes

1

⁄

2

cup coarsely chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Stir or sift the flour, soda, salt, ginger, and cinnamon together. Cream the butter and sugar together. Add the egg and molasses. Beat well. Blend in the dry ingredients. Add the coconut and nuts. Mix well. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls about 2 inches apart onto a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Cool cookies slightly before removing them from the cookie sheet. Makes about 3 dozen.