Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Murder

“Now growl it.”

Harriet growled, and Dooley and I threw up in our mouths.

“I’m gonna be sick,” I told Dooley.

“Me, too,” he confessed.

The cooing and lovebirding that followed was enough to make us both gag, and I knew this was going to prove a tougher fight than we’d anticipated. Not only had Brutus invaded our space and seduced our friend, but with Harriet he had gained a powerful ally to convince Odelia to accept him into our home. Odelia loved Dooley and me, but she simply adored Harriet. Everybody did. Because of that snowy white fur people always thought she was the most beautiful creature they’d ever seen, and would stop at nothing to give her what she wanted. If Harriet wanted Brutus introduced into the home, Odelia would do it, against my and Dooley’s protestations.

Unless… I gave Dooley a nudge. “Let’s skedaddle, buddy. We have a human to find and a job to do.”

“But we can’t leave these two here!” he cried. “This is our home!”

“And now it’s mine,” said Brutus with a smirk, and proceeded to stalk over to the couch, hop on, and make himself comfortable in my spot! Then he patted the space beside him. “Hop on, baby cheeks. Let’s have a party.”

Harriet giggled, and without waiting for my approval, hopped onto the couch, stretched out luxuriously, and lovingly gazed into her new mate’s eyes.

“Oh, crap,” I muttered. “I can’t take any more of this.” And I hurried out the pet door, Dooley in my wake. And as we rounded the house and made our way to the street, I said, “We have to do something about this.”

“But what can we do? You heard Harriet. She’ll vouch for him.”

“I’ve got the perfect idea, Dooley,” I assured him. “We’ll simply tell Odelia we know who the killer is, but if she wants us to reveal the identity, first she has to kick that brute out of our house.”

“You mean blackmail?” asked Dooley, eyes widening.

“Let’s just call it a bargaining chip.”

He brightened. “I think it’s a great idea! Do you think she’ll go for it?”

“I’m sure she will. She’s desperate to find that killer, so she’ll give us whatever we want in exchange for the information.”

We hurried along, now on a mission to save our home from this intruder. Harriet was nursing a viper at her bosom, and we needed to shift him.

“I can’t believe Harriet,” Dooley lamented. “Who would have thought she’d betray us like this?”

“That’s kitties for you,” I said. “They see a handsome tom and they forget all about you.”

“I thought she was our friend,” said Dooley dejectedly.

“Well, she’s our friend no more,” I said with determination. “This is war, Dooley, and since she’s colluding with the enemy that makes her our enemy, too.”

“The enemy of our enemy is our enemy, right?”

I thought about this for a moment. “Not exactly.”

Five minutes later, we strolled into the offices of the Gazette, and were surprised to find that Odelia wasn’t there, seated at her desk as usual.

“Where is she?” asked Dooley. Then he gave me a horrified look. “Don’t tell me! She’s probably holed up with Chase Kingsley, making out on his couch, just like Harriet and Brutus!”

“I don’t think so,” I said musingly. “Chase is staying at Uncle Alec’s place, and Odelia making out on her uncle’s couch seems… inappropriate.”

“They might have rented a room! Humans do that kind of stuff!”

“Not so soon. It takes a lot longer for humans to get their groove on than with us cats.” Last time we saw Odelia she hated Chase Kingsley’s guts, and I didn’t think one family dinner would have made such a big difference, no matter what Brutus or Harriet said. I knew Odelia, and even though she’d brought home some weird specimens, she never kissed on the first date. “Let’s check her other haunts,” I said now. “I’ll bet she’s over at the doctor’s office.”

But when we went there, there was no sign of Odelia either. We stopped by the library next, and finally headed over to the police station. Now that Brutus had taken over my home, the station house was safe terrain once more. Brutus might be a lot of things, but he wasn’t capable of being in two places at the same time. When we hopped onto our usual perch on Chief Alec’s windowsill, my heart leaped with joy when I saw Odelia holed up in there with her uncle and… Chase Kingsley. But just as we arrived, she left.

So we did the only thing a smart cat would do: we simply barged into Chief Alec’s office through the window, plopped down on the man’s desk, and, before his surprised eyes, hopped down and tripped after Odelia.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” the chief grunted, then bellowed, “Odelia! Your cats are here!”

Odelia turned back, and was all smiles when she caught sight of us.

“Oh, hey, darlings,” she said as she bent down and gave us a cuddle. “Finally up and awake, huh?”

“Oh, Odelia, we have so much to tell you!” Dooley cried.

“Yeah, we know who the killer is!” I added.

She gave us both a keen look but quickly rose again, and I immediately saw why: we were being watched with interest by Detective Kingsley.

“Are these your cats?” the burly cop asked.

“Yeah, they’re mine,” she said with a smile.

“And they just come barging in here like that?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Your cat comes barging into our house, buddy!” Dooley yelled.

But all Chase could hear was Dooley’s plaintive mewling, of course.

“Um…” Odelia stared down at me. I could see she was eager to listen to our story, but she couldn’t very well do it now, with Chase and Uncle Alec watching on. To them it would sound like she was meowing, and might give the wrong impression. So instead she merely said, “Yeah, they’re very attached to me. Sometimes they just follow me around all day long.”

“So you’re not just a nosy reporter but a crazy cat lady too, huh?” he asked.

Odelia scowled at him, and I was happy to see that the two of them weren’t an item. And if my extensive knowledge of human nature was anything to go by, it would take them a while to get to that point, if ever.

“If I’m a cat lady, what does that make you? Crazy cat dude?” she asked.

Chase opened his mouth to respond, but he momentarily seemed lost for words, so he simply closed it again, and Odelia took the opportunity to stalk out of the office. Chief Alec, who’d laughed loudly at his niece’s comment, now said, “Shoo. Follow the lady, cats,” and sent Dooley and me on our way.

I was pretty sure he was one of the few people who knew about Odelia’s ability to talk to us, and I was glad he hadn’t betrayed that secret to Chase. At least one person in this family wasn’t selling out to the newcomers in town.

Dooley and I tripped after Odelia and joined her in a small empty office. The moment the door closed, she turned to us, and said, “I think I know who did it.” And when she told us the name, both Dooley and I were surprised to find that she’d discovered the murderer’s identity all on her own. When we confirmed that she was right on the money, she smiled. “Now to prove it…”

After she had left, Dooley and I shook our heads in dismay.

“There goes our bargaining chip,” Dooley lamented.

“Dayum,” I said, then slapped my face. Now I was starting to sound like Brutus.

Chapter 23

After the disappearance of the laptop, it didn’t take Odelia long to figure out that her initial theory had been correct: there was something on that laptop that revealed the identity of the killer. And then it dawned on her. The Army of No. She quickly took out her phone and started googling. It was just a hunch, but her hunches often proved correct, so…