Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Revenge

I knew I was gawking, but I couldn’t stop. I think I was drooling, too.

“A celebrity such as yourself deserves a spot in the limelight,” said Brutus, nodding. “If you like we can work on your solos one on one. Do some private coaching. I don’t like to brag, but I’m something of a musical prodigy myself.”

“You would do that for me? That’s so sweet of you, Brutus.”

I heard a strangled sound and when I looked over my shoulder I saw that it was Harriet. She was staring at Brutus and Princess, making strange noises at the back of her throat. Either she was going to throw up, or throw a hissy fit and hit Brutus. Either way, she wasn’t happy. And neither was I.

“I started cat choir to give struggling young artists such as yourself their first break,” Brutus continued suavely. “Kind of like a mentorship.”

“You didn’t start cat choir,” Harriet said. “Max started cat choir.”

At the mention of my name, I snapped out of my stupor. She was right. Brutus was putting the moves on Princess, and I was letting him.

“Yeah, I started cat choir,” I said. “Dooley and I did.”

Princess turned a pair of cool blue eyes on me. “You started cat choir?”

“Yes, they did,” said Harriet heatedly. “And what’s more, I’m the choir’s lead soprano. I have the best voice. I sing the solos. Not you. Me.”

Princess fluttered her eyes over Harriet, apparently wasn’t impressed, and dismissed her with a flick of her paw. “I’d be delighted to sing the lead.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?!” Harriet exclaimed. “Tell her, Brutus. Tell her I sing the solos.”

“Now, now,” said Brutus airily. “This is not the time for petty rivalries. We have to think of cat choir. What’s good for cat choir is good for all of us. And what we need right now is to boost our reputation. Attract top talent. A celebrity like Princess adds luster to the lineup. And luster is what we want.”

For a moment, I thought Harriet was going to do a Miss Piggy and smack Brutus in the face, but at the last moment she restrained herself, and simply lifted both her head and her tail high, gave Princess the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen, and stalked off. We’d entered some regular Black Swan territory now.

“Look, you don’t get to decide who sings the solos,” I told Brutus.

“Oh, yes, I do,” he said, casting a worried look after Harriet.

I turned to Princess. “If anyone is the musical expert around here, it’s me. Brutus may be the conductor, but I’m the beating heart of this choir. I’m the heart and soul of cat choir. So if anyone is going to be coaching you, it’s me.”

“Is that a fact?” asked Brutus.

“That is a fact,” I said.

He narrowed his eyes at me, and raised an extended claw. The same claw he used to direct the choir. “You may have started this choir, buddy, but without me you’d still be a ragtag clowder of bumbling amateurs. It took a real leader like me to turn this hapless bunch of losers into a real choir.”

“Oh, you certainly are a real leader, Brutus,” Princess said. She placed her paw on his front leg and felt his bicep. “And you’re so very strong.”

I drew up closer and puffed out my chest. “You’ll have to forgive Brutus, Princess. He’s new in town. He doesn’t know I started this choir to build a sense of community here in Hampton Cove. Forge bonds. Inspire friendship. That’s what I do. I’m a community leader. A leader of the community.”

“I can see that,” said Princess. She let go of Brutus, draped her front leg through mine and squeezed my non-existent bicep. “I like you, Max.”

I practically coughed up a hairball. “I like you, too,” I squeaked.

“You’re a regular musical prodigy,” Princess said. “Sing something.”

“Huh?”

“Sing something for me. Give me a sample of your talent.”

I cast about helplessly for a moment, but when I caught Brutus grinning at me, I pulled myself together and sang the first thing that came to mind. “Is it too late to say sorry?” I bleated. Princess blinked. My singing sounded as if a cat had stepped on my tail. “ Cause… I’m missing more than just your… body .”

Princess emitted a wild giggle, then controlled herself with some effort and shook her head. “That was… interesting. Very… novel.”

Oh, God. I’d screwed up, hadn’t I? Stage fright. It’s a real killer.

“You know, I was actually at the Kenspeckle place today,” said Brutus, turning his back on me and starting to lead Princess away.

Her eyes went wide. “The Kenspeckles? The reality stars?”

“Yep. Hanging with Damien LeWood. Jamming with my main man.”

“You know Damien LeWood?” she asked excitedly. “The famous rapper?”

“The one and only. Damien and I are tight. If you like I’ll introduce you.”

“Ooh, Brutus. I would love that!”

I watched Brutus lead her to a nearby tree, explaining to her how his buddy Damien LeWood had promised him a leading role in his reality show, and how he was pretty sure he could get her a casting call with the director.

“Max, what’s going on?” Dooley asked, looking worried. “Why were you singing that horrible song? I thought we said we wouldn’t do that again.”

“I was trying to impress Princess,” I said miserably.

He looked at Princess. “She doesn’t look impressed. At least not by you.”

I groaned. “I know. It was a total fail. And now she’s all over Brutus.”

He shrugged. “So? What’s it to you?”

I stared at him. “Are you blind? She’s the prettiest cat for miles around.”

“I always thought Harriet was the prettiest cat for miles around.”

“Well, I don’t. And if I don’t figure out a way to trump Brutus I’ll lose my chance.”

“Why don’t you climb a tree?” he suggested.

“Climb a tree? What do you mean, climb a tree?”

“I mean climb a tree. Chicks dig it. They clap and cheer. It’s a thing.”

It shows how far gone I was that I seriously contemplated Dooley’s inane suggestion. He’s my best friend, but he’s also an idiot, and the fact that even before he finished telling me to climb a tree I was scooting up the nearest tree, proves that when it comes to women, I’m an even bigger idiot.

“Yoo-hoo, Princess!” I shouted when I’d reached the first branch. “Why don’t you come up and join me? These are the best seats in the house!”

“Oh, Max,” Princess laughed. “You’re so funny!”

Funny wasn’t what I was going for, but at least I had her attention.

Brutus scowled at me, and within seconds he’d joined me, clawing his way up to the branch directly above mine. “My seat is even better!” he yelled. “In fact this is the conductor’s spot. Make sure everyone can see me.”

Princess laughed again, a breathy, coquettish sound. It was so sexy.

I decided I wasn’t going to be outdone by this brute, so I quickly clambered up one more branch, and then I was one up on Brutus.

From the ground, Dooley gave me two thumbs up. “Doing great, Max!”

The other cats all stared at us as if we’d lost our minds. Even George stood shaking his weary old head. For the first time I was starting to wonder if I wasn’t making an absolute fool of myself. Unfortunately, Brutus wasn’t making this consideration, as he quickly outdid me, and rose one more level.

“Brutus!” a voice rang out. “Come down at once!”

It was Harriet. Apparently she’d returned to butt heads with Princess once again. She wasn’t going to give up on Brutus without putting up a fight.

“Not a chance!” Brutus croaked. “I have a choir to conduct.”