Ник Сайнт: Purrfect Santa

Twenty minutes later, I breezed into the offices of the Hampton Cove Gazette, and knocked at the door of Dan. The editor was in, though he did not look happy.

“Hey, Dan,” I said from the doorway. “I’ve finished the article on the new Christmas tree.” He was frowning at me, as if I’d just called him a bad name, so I frowned back. “Everything all right?”

Dan is a wizened old guy with an impressive white beard, wire-rimmed glasses, and eyes that always seem to smile. Except now. Now they looked positively menacing. “No, everything is not all right,” he grumbled. “In fact everything is horrible. Do you know what the council has just decided?”

“Um, to change the new Christmas tree for the old one?” One could only hope.

“No, they’ve decided that I won’t be their Santa any longer! Can you believe it?!”

Quite frankly I couldn’t. Dan, since he looks pretty much like Santa, has been Hampton Cove’s resident Santa for years. He’s the one that presides over the Santa Parade and rides on the biggest float, the one shaped like a sleigh, officiates the Christmas tree lighting, the opening of the holiday movies film festival at the Hampton Cove Movie Theatre, and graces dozens of other activities with his cheerful presence. Christmas in Hampton Cove isn’t really Christmas without Dan.

“But they can’t do that!” I cried, aghast.

“Well, they did,” he said, holding up a letter. “Two days before Christmas! They even made it official. Said that in light of my negative review of the new Christmas tree, my services as Santa are no longer required.”

“They fired you because you don’t like the new Christmas tree?”

“Yep.” He took off his glasses and settled back in his chair. “I called the Mayor and he told me that the council viewed last week’s editorial as a personal affront. Said that my negativity has swayed public opinion against the tree, and if only I’d toed the line, Hampton Cove would have accepted the tree just fine.” He spread his arms. “But how can I accept a tree that ugly? It’s hideous!!”

“So what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? They’re going in a different direction for the final few days.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning they’ve hired a different Santa to officiate the Christmas Eve Celebration.”

“Who? I frankly can’t imagine a better Santa than you, Dan.” And I meant it. Dan has been Santa since I was a little girl, and I just couldn’t imagine Christmas without him. I remembered how he used to come to Hampton Cove middle school, and dole out the presents, and how he would officiate the Christmas celebration in the school’s cafeteria, with all the kids spending a few precious moments on his lap, telling him how good they’d been and giving him their Christmas wish list.

“Thanks, honey,” he said warmly. “You’re not the only one who seems to feel that way. Lots of people have called to tell me they think the council is wrong. But the politicians are not budging. They’ve already gone and hired some shmuck from New York. A department store Santa, no less.”

“A department store Santa?”

“Yeah, one of those guys that does the big department stores. You know the type. Young guy that tapes on a fake beard once a year and goes through the motions.” He thoughtfully rubbed his own beard, which wasn’t fake at all. “I think they’re going to regret it, Odelia. They can’t mess with Christmas traditions like this and get away with it.” He pointed a stubby finger in my direction. “I want you to find out who this new guy is. I want you to find out everything you can about him.”

“And then what? The council isn’t going to change their minds, Dan. You know how stubborn they can be.”

“Oh, of course I know. But once I expose this new Santa, they’ll have to change their minds.”

I shuffled a little worriedly. “Expose Santa?”

“Sure! Dig up the dirt on the guy. Show people what a fraud he is.”

“And what if he’s not?”

Dan’s face took on a mutinous expression. “He has to be. All of those guys are frauds, Odelia. There’s only one real Santa and that’s me.” He thumped his chest defiantly. “And once the council sees what a chump they hired, they’ll come crawling back to me—begging me to take the job.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, Dan.”

“Well, I do,” he snapped. “Bring me this new Santa’s head, Odelia. I’ll crucify the imposter!”

They weren’t exactly the words a real Santa would employ, nor did they reflect the holiday spirit, but whenever Dan was in one of his moods, I knew better than to try and argue with him, so I simply accepted the assignment and breezed out of the office again. I had a Santa to find and not much time to do it. It was going to be Christmas in two days, and if Dan still wanted to be Santa, I’d have to move fast. Faster than Santa’s sleigh.

Chapter 3

My first port of call was Town Hall. If anyone could tell me who the new Santa was, it was the Council Manager or the Mayor or any of the councilpersons in charge of any of the departments. When I arrived there, the secretary at the front desk was my first hurdle. When I asked to speak to either the Mayor or the Council Manager, she said I needed to make an appointment first, as both men were exceedingly busy. Since I’d seen the Mayor shoveling snow from his driveway that morning, I knew he couldn’t possibly be that busy.

“Besides,” said the woman, who was sporting a purple perm and patting it proudly, “it’s almost Christmas, Odelia. I think you better come back in the New Year. I’m sure the Mayor will be more than happy to see you then.”

“But I want to talk to him about Santa, so it has to be now.”

“Santa?” Her face lit up. “Oh, I just love our new Santa, don’t you?”

“You’ve seen the new Santa?”

“Well, only his picture, of course. He’s just wonderful, isn’t he? I think he’s going to prove a big improvement over that old curmudgeon—what’s his name?” She snapped her fingers.

I leveled a critical look at her. “Dan Goory? My boss?”

Her lips formed a perfect O as she realized who she was talking to. “Well, Dan isn’t the worst Santa we’ve ever had, of course,” she said quickly. “I just think he’s not exactly the face of the new. More the face of the old, wouldn’t you agree?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” I said. “I think Dan is the perfect Santa. The ultimate Santa. The one and only.”

“Well, you’re certainly entitled to your opinion, dear,” she said, her lips curling down in a look of disapproval. She was patting that purple perm again, making sure not a hair was out of place.

“So where can I find this new Santa?”

The secretary’s lips pressed together, and she made a sign of locking them with a key. And when she opened them again, it was to say, “We’ve been instructed not to talk to the press, dear. And you are the press, aren’t you?”

“You mean you’ve been instructed not to talk to Dan.”

“Him, too,” she admitted.

Just then, the Mayor emerged from an office further down the hall. The moment he caught sight of me, he made a beeline for the men’s room, moving at a surprisingly rapid pace. I intercepted him just before he managed to make his escape. “Mayor Moss,” I said. “Odelia Poole. You remember me. Is it true that you’ve decided to replace Dan Goory with a new Santa?”

“Yes,” he said, his eyes shifting uncomfortably between me and the secretary, who lifted her shoulders in a helpless shrug. “Yes, that’s quite true. Look, Miss Poole, I’m not going to beat around the bush. We at the town council were all very disappointed when we read Dan’s editorial on the unveiling of the new tree. Instead of fully endorsing the bold step the council took into a bright future, he seems to be stuck in a past where only a real tree can be considered a, well, a tree.”