Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Crime

The cats came tripping behind her. They, too, seemed pleased as punch at this unexpected development. Mostly because they’d beaten Harriet at her own game, and possibly because Max had found something to eat after all, judging from the crumbs of dog biscuit covering his lips.

She decided he’d earned it. And as Chase placed Zelda in the back of his car and locked the door, he said, “I think the combination of your intuition and your secretive informant may just have cracked this case, Odelia.”

“I think so, too,” she said, directing a commiserating glance at Zelda, who sat muttering to herself, rocking back and forth. “What a sad ending, though, right?”

“Yeah, I loved those Star Cars movies. They were da bomb.”

“Da bomb?” she laughed. “The nineties called, they want their bomb back.”

“Laugh all you want. Star Cars was great fun.”

“I was more into Star Rigs .”

“ Star Rigs was clearly a rip-off of Star Cars .”

“I’m pretty sure Star Rigs came first.”

“And I’m pretty sure you’re wrong.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a Zelda Yoke fan.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a Donna Bruce fan.”

Odelia held her hand up in the Star Rigs salute, which was a fist with her pinkie finger sticking out. “ Star Rigs forever, buddy.”

Chase made the Star Cars salute, a fist with his thumb sticking out sideways. “ Star Cars all the way, babe.”

And the age-old rivalry would have caused two more casualties if Zelda hadn’t at that moment rolled down her window and asked, “Can we go now? Donna is waiting for me.”

“Waiting for you where?” asked Chase.

The actress raised her eyes to the sky. “Why, amongst the stars, of course.”

“Of course,” said Chase with a grin at Odelia, and got into the car.

Odelia watched him drive off. “Well, you guys did good.”

“Do you think she did it?” asked Dooley.

“I’m pretty sure she did.”

“Yay!” Max said, pumping the air with his paw. “So can I have some Cat Snax now?”

She smiled. “Yes, you can. But then you’re going back on the diet, all right?”

“Yes!” Max exclaimed, exchanging a high five with Dooley. “We did it, Dooley!”

“Case closed?”

“Case closed,” Odelia agreed.

Chapter 25

I was lounging on the windowsill, the sun streaming in through the window, having a well-deserved nap. I’d solved the case. I’d enjoyed my Cat Snax. Now all I had to do was rub Harriet’s face in my victory and my triumph was complete.

Dooley was lying next to me, also in deep slumber, while Odelia had left to interview Zelda Yoke, the actress who’d murdered her long-time rival. According to Odelia it was a sad case, though I didn’t see it that way. Rivalry amongst actors has always existed. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine. Tom and Jerry. The list goes on and on. Only this time a line had been crossed and one rival had actually murdered another rival. I guess it’s just one of those things. I think they call it an occupational hazard. I’m sure you can even take out insurance against it.

“Max, you devil,” suddenly a voice rang out nearby.

I opened one eye and saw that Harriet had drifted into the room.

“Hey, Harriet. How’s things?”

“Things are lousy. You just solved my case without me! You actually went around my back and solved my case!”

“Hey, I just had one of my famous hunches. You can’t blame me for being brilliant.”

She seemed really fired up, for she was pacing the room, her face all scrunched up in an expression of extreme upset. “This was my case, Max. My case. I was going to solve it.”

“By surfing the web. Riiiight,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“It’s the new way! The modern way.”

“Solving a murder case without leaving the house? That’s just ridiculous!”

“No, it’s not. Hercule Poirot solved murder cases just by letting his little gray cells do all the work. And he didn’t even have a computer!”

“He had that gumshoe, that Hastings guy to do all the legwork for him,” I reminded her. Which actually wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe next case I could get Dooley to do all the walking around—which is kinda exhausting, you have to admit, not to mention tedious—and then I’d simply put two and two together and come up with a brilliant solution. Just like that pint-sized Belgian detective!

Brutus had also joined us and was sticking his nose in the air and sniffing. “Cat Snax?” he asked.

“Yup. My reward for cracking another case.”

He grimaced. “Good for you, Max. Though I wouldn’t advertise the fact too much. Harriet’s been sore as a gumboil ever since she found out.”

Harriet, who’d disappeared into the kitchen, now returned, and Brutus was right. She was sore as a gumboil. Maybe even sorer. Like two gumboils. “I can’t believe Odelia let you skip your diet!” she cried. “Cat Snax? Really? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

I wasn’t following. “Ashamed of myself for cracking this case?”

“No, for manipulating Odelia into letting you cheat on your diet.”

“It’s my reward. I did the work and now I deserve a reward.”

“Don’t you see that you’re endangering yourself with this morbid obesity you’re pushing for, Max?”

“Hey, who are you calling morbidly obese?”

“You, Max. You are morbidly obese.”

“And you are jealous I cracked the case and you didn’t.”

“You only think about yourself, don’t you? Huh?”

“Who else is there to think about?” I asked, puzzled.

“He’s got a point, toots,” said Brutus.

She turned on him in a flash. “Oh, now you’re taking his side?”

“No, but…”

“You men! You’re all the same! Never a thought about anyone but yourselves! Have you ever considered Odelia’s feelings, Max?”

“Um…”

“How devastated she’s going to be when you die?”

“Well, I don’t intend to die anytime soon, so the point is moot.”

Dooley, who’d followed the back-and-forth with mild interest, laughed. “Moot. Funny word.”

“The way you’re going, you are going to die soon, Max. And Odelia is going to be crushed. For some reason—Lord only knows why—she seems to care about you, and the loss will be a blow.”

I thought about this. Maybe Harriet was right. If I died—which was a very big if, mind you—Odelia wouldn’t take the news well. She did like me a lot. And what was not to like? I’m funny, charming, handsome, clever and I provide great entertainment.

“Look, I’m not going to die, Harriet,” I said. “So you can stop with all the scaremongering. I know you’re jealous because I cracked another case and you’ll say just about anything to upset me but it’s not going to work.”

“Good one, bro,” Brutus muttered.

I glanced over. Weird. Brutus was taking my side now? This was something new.

“Well, I’ll have you know that if you keep digging your grave with your teeth the way you’ve been doing for some time now you’ll be dead within a year. Probably even less. So there.”

“Is she right, Max?” asked Dooley. “Are you going to die soon?”

“Of course I’m not going to die! I’m far too young to die!”

“Not if you keep eating those Cat Snax,” said Harriet. “That stuff will kill you.”

“Pretty tasty, though,” Brutus muttered, refusing to meet Harriet’s gaze.

“And the same goes for you, Brutus,” said Harriet. “If you can’t stick to your diet we’re finished. Kaput. The end.”

He directed a pleading look at her. “Come on, babe. I’m not as fat as Max. Just look at us. He’s a lot fatter than me. He’s at least twice my size.”