Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Crime

Now it was her turn to smile. “What are you saying? I should give this hotshot detective a shot?”

“He’s not a bad guy,” said Chief Alec. “He’s young and impetuous, of course, but then all guys are at his age. But with some patience and effort I think we might make something out of him yet.”

Chase gave the chief a playful shove. “Thanks, old-timer. I appreciate the vote of confidence. So what about it, Odelia? Wanna catch a movie with this hotshot detective?”

And she was just about to respond in the affirmative, when a wide-eyed young man dressed in a brown uniform showed up in the backyard, carrying a huge box. Judging from the logo on his uniform he was the UPS guy, and when he was done scanning the small group gathered around the barbecue set, he gulped and asked, “Who is Vesta Muffin? I’m looking for a Vesta Muffin.”

Gran seemed reluctant to reveal herself, so finally Mom had to step up and tell the guy, “That’s my mother. Why didn’t you ring at the front door?”

“I did. More than once. Can I leave this with you, ma’am? It’s… buzzing.”

He placed the bulky package on the lawn and quickly took a few steps back.

“Buzzing?” asked Mom, eyeing the package with suspicion. Then she turned to Gran. “Mom. What did you order this time?”

“Nothing,” said Gran. “Must be some mistake.”

“No mistake,” said the UPS guy. “You ordered from donna.vip. Paid extra for special delivery. Though nobody told me the package would be alive.”

His eyes were wide as he offered Mom the gadget to sign. Mom jotted down her scrawl and the UPS guy immediately was off like a rocket. “Thanks!” he yelled and disappeared from view.

They all gathered around the package, and Odelia discovered that the UPS guy had been right: the thing was buzzing.

“What did you order, Gran?” she asked.

“Nothing!” Gran insisted. “You told me to stop ordering stuff so I did.”

Dad bent down, a glass of red wine in his hand, and read from the label on the package. “It says your name right here, Vesta.”

“Must be a namesake. Lots of Vestas around.”

“Vesta Muffin? Living at this address?”

“Sure. UPS screwed up again. Figures.”

She seemed awfully nervous about a simple mistake, though, which told Odelia it wasn’t a mistake at all. The only reason she was mad at the UPS guy was that he’d shown up now, when everyone was there, and not a couple of hours earlier, when she could have intercepted the package.

“Well, I guess we better see what’s inside,” said Uncle Alec, and started removing the packaging. And that’s when something came buzzing from inside the box and attached itself to his nose. He swatted it away, and Odelia got a good look at the culprit. It was a bee!

“Gran,” she demanded. “Tell me you didn’t order a bunch of bees!”

“Of course not!” Gran said. “I’m not crazy. Who orders a bunch of bees?! Not me!”

They all worked together to remove the wrapping, and found themselves staring down at an actual beehive! And its inhabitants were obviously not very happy at having been cooped up for so long, for more than a few of them started flying through the cracks in the cage and zooming around.

“Christ!” Uncle Alec yelled. “Who in their right mind ships a bunch of bees with UPS?!”

“Vesta,” said Dad phlegmatically, swatting away a couple of bees buzzing around his wine.

“I think we better call the fire department,” Chase said. “Before they all escape and attack us.”

“No!” Gran yelled. “You know how much these little suckers cost me?!”

“So you did order them!” Mom yelled, ducking a few particularly pesky bees.

“Of course I did! I need bee therapy! It’s going to completely rejuvenate me! I’m going to look decades younger!”

“You’re crazy!” Uncle Alec screamed, now running around the yard, chased by a horde of bees.

“Let them sting your butt!” Gran yelled. “It’ll clear that cellulite of yours right up!”

And then, as if the bees had gotten the message, the cage completely collapsed, and the entire swarm zoomed up into the air, then swept down upon the Pooles.

“Nice, Mom!” Uncle Alec yelled. “I’ve been stung!”

“That’s great! You needed it!”

Odelia wasn’t sure if she needed it or not, but she was pretty sure she didn’t want it, so when a dozen bees attacked her, happy to have found a target, she screamed and ducked for cover. It took another half hour for the fire department to arrive, and make short shrift of Gran’s bee menace. Gran wasn’t happy that her investment was being rounded up and taken away by the burly men in red, but the rest of the family definitely was. By the time the last bee had been taken into custody, it was late.

“So much for our date,” Odelia told Chase as she watched the firemen inspect the hive.

“I’ll take a rain check,” said Chase, scratching at a particularly nasty-looking bee sting.

“I’m sorry about this, Chase. My family is crazy.”

“That’s okay,” he said with a grin. “I’m not all that compos myself.”

He placed an arm around her shoulder and she leaned her head against his chest. Between the murder they had to solve and Max’s diet shenanigans and her grandmother’s Donna obsession, she was glad at least one person in her universe still had his feet on solid ground. And as she watched a red-faced Dad furiously cut up his credit cards, Gran looking on sadly, she had to laugh.

“That’s the spirit,” Chase murmured. “When you can’t beat the crazies, join them.” And he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

“Ouch,” she said, pulling back. “Bee sting.” Right on her bottom lip of all places. Gah.

“Didn’t you hear your grandmother? Your lip will look decades younger in the morning.”

“Oh, to hell with it,” she muttered, and kissed him right back.

Chapter 22

That night, I simply couldn’t hold it anymore. If I ate one more chunk of that diet crap I was going to scream. My stomach was grumbling and I was so hungry I thought I was going to die. The worst thing was that Odelia had put me on the scale that evening after she came home from dinner and I’d actually gained weight! How was that even possible?!

Of course she had her explanation ready. According to her it was because of that meatball I’d scarfed down, and that meatloaf I’d polished off at Mrs. Cranberry’s house. But I called bullshit on both accounts. How could a little bit of meat result in me gaining weight while I’d been starving all the rest of the day?

I roamed around the house, feeling restless and annoyed, and that’s when I discovered that Odelia had left the kitchen window open! So I climbed up onto the sink, careful not to put my paw in the garbage disposal unit, pushed the window open wider, and gracefully hopped down onto the sill and then to the plastic container right underneath it. Odelia uses it to collect the garbage bags and it’s the perfect landing place for a big-boned cat like me. I know people are always saying how a cat always lands on its feet. Well, if you’re genetically predisposed to be on the more voluminous side, like me, it can be hard to accomplish that feat, especially when jumping down from higher surfaces.

I landed on the container with a heavy thump, and waited for a moment, making sure I hadn’t woken up Odelia. Then I jumped down to the patio and padded off, hoping Dooley still had some tasty morsels he wouldn’t mind sharing with his best friend.

Unfortunately, when I finally had slipped into the house next door, all the bowls were empty: Dooley’s bowl, Harriet’s bowl, and even Brutus’s bowl! How was that even possible?

I quickly made my way up the stairs, careful not to wake up anyone, and nudged open the door to Marge and Doctor Tex’s room. Sure enough, Brutus was asleep on Tex’s side of the bed and Harriet on Marge’s side. So I tiptoed into Gran’s bedroom, which was right down the hall, and found Dooley asleep at the foot of Gran’s bed.