Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Crime

“What does it do, Max?” Dooley asked, staring at the shiny gold object.

“I’m not sure. It says here it’s a massager, but I’m not sure what it’s supposed to massage.”

“It also says it’s elegant and decadent, and has to be used with something called lube. What is a lube, Max?”

“Maybe like a long kind of tube?”

We read some more. It was all very confusing.

“What’s a G-spot, Max?”

“I have no idea, Dooley.” But then I got it. “I think it’s one of those spots that are very hard to reach. Like behind the bed or behind the cupboard.”

We shared a look of understanding. “So that’s why Odelia keeps it in the bedroom.”

“In case she needs to reach those hard-to-reach G-spots.”

Well, I was sure glad we figured that out. It’s not much fun feeling dumb.

I clicked on another link and this time we ended up on a page extolling the virtues of bee sting therapy. “Weird,” Dooley said. “Here they say bee stings are actually good for you.”

“Well, maybe they are,” I said. “Like nettle stings. Remember that one time you stung your nose on those nettles? And Odelia said it was good for you? This is probably the same thing.”

“But then why did Donna end up dead?”

“Well, too much of a good thing isn’t good at all, I suppose.”

“Like when you eat too many Cat Snax?”

“I’m not sure you can eat too many Cat Snax, Dooley. At least I’ve never had too many.”

“That’s true,” he admitted. “Me neither.”

Just then, there was a loud rap on the glass sliding door, which was now closed due to my house arrest. We hopped down from our perch on the computer table and wandered over. To my pleasant surprise, it was Gran. But to my less pleasant surprise, she appeared incapable of opening the sliding door from the outside. She was shouting something, though. It sounded a lot like, “Has the UPS guy brought another one of my packages?!”

I shook my head and shouted back, “No, he hasn’t!”

“Darn!” she yelled, and then stalked off.

“Hey! Aren’t you going to let us out?!” I yelled, but she was already gone.

Dooley sat chuckling next to me. I turned to him. “What’s so funny?”

“I wonder what she ordered this time. Those dumbbells, that toothpaste squeezer, or that dildo.”

“I don’t think she would order a dildo.”

“And why is that?”

“Marge cleans your house, doesn’t she? So why would Gran need to reach those hard-to-reach G-spots?”

“You’ve got a point, Max.”

“Of course I have. I’m very clever.”

Chapter 21

It was dinner time at the Pooles, and as usual Uncle Alec and Chase had been invited. Dad was master of his domain again—in other words, the barbecue set—and before long a wonderful time was had by all. Well, almost all, as Odelia had locked Max up in the house. She couldn’t risk him hanging around all that raw meat. He would have a conniption fit if she tried to keep him away from all that juicy temptation. And to show him she didn’t have a heart of stone, she’d given him an extra helping of Vena’s diet kibble. Not that he seemed to appreciate it. He’d told her there was only so much cardboard one could stomach, and he’d already had his fill and then some.

It was a hard lesson to learn for the big, red cat, but one that was absolutely necessary. If he kept eating like this, he’d simply dig his own grave with his teeth, the poor baby, and she did not want that on her conscience.

Harriet and Brutus had shown up just when the meat was starting to give off its delicious scent, but when she cut a glance to Harriet, the gorgeous Persian had sadly shaken her head. So far she hadn’t discovered a thing. Brutus, who’d immediately pounced on some slivers Dad had cut from the steaks, didn’t seem to have any news for her either. That only left Dooley, but all he said was that he’d finally discovered how she cleaned those hard-to-reach spots in her bedroom, and given her a big, fat wink. Weird. Then she remembered she’d left the computer running. Oh, dear. She hoped she’d turned on Parental Control. There was so much on the Internet her cats did not need to see.

Uncle Alec walked up to her, a can of Heineken in his hand. “And? Any luck with the Cranberry woman?”

“Nope. Turns out she had an alibi, just like everyone else in this case.”

“Dang. She looked promising.”

“She did,” Odelia agreed. “Very promising. Just like the ex-husband looked promising, the boyfriend looked promising, and the leader of the home owner’s association looked promising.”

“Tough day, huh?” asked her uncle, shooting her a keen look.

“Yeah, pretty tough,” she admitted. “We keep catching breaks that turn out not to be breaks after all.”

“What about your cats?” he asked. “They usually provide the telling clue.”

“So far my cats have provided me nothing but trouble,” she admitted, and told her uncle about Max’s embarrassing behavior at Maureen Cranberry’s place.

“So that’s why my meatball went missing from my meatball sub,” said her uncle with a grin.

“It seems he’s eating everything he can get his paws on. Ever since I put him on a diet he’s been totally insufferable. It has taken his focus completely off trying to find Donna’s killer. All he’s interested in is finding food, not clues.”

“That’ll pass,” her uncle assured her. “He just needs some adjusting is all. When your aunt put me on a diet the hardest part were those first few days. Once I got past that it was smooth sailing all the way.”

She glanced down at her uncle’s rotund belly. Pity Aunt Ginny was gone. Alec could have used one of her patent diets right now. But who was going to put him on one? Certainly not her. She had a hard enough time trying to keep Max to his diet, and he was just a cat.

Chase came ambling up, also a can of Heineken in hand. “So? Another long day at the office, huh? Time for some R&R.”

“Speak for yourself,” grunted Chief Alec. “When dinner is over I’m heading straight back to the station. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to finish. What about you, Odelia?”

“I have an article to write,” she confessed. She’d started writing it when they came back from Maureen Cranberry, but she still had to put the finishing touches on the piece. “The paper is going to print tomorrow and Dan wants the article done.”

“On the Donna Bruce case?” asked Chase.

“Yep. I don’t really know what to write, as we’re nowhere near figuring out what happened, but deadlines are deadlines.”

“And what are you up to, Chase?” asked the Chief.

“Well, I was actually thinking about asking out your niece, but I have a feeling she’s about to blow me off.”

Odelia looked up in surprise. “You wanted to take me out tonight?”

“I promised I was going to, remember? And you told me you were going to think about it.”

“I know, but I figured, with this whole Donna Bruce thing…”

He smiled. “There will always be work, Odelia. You can’t let it interfere with your personal life.”

“He’s right,” Uncle Alec grunted. “You never know how much time you’re going to have with your loved ones. If I’d known that back when Ginny was still alive, I’d have spent a lot more time with her. Now it’s too late.” He looked somber for a moment, the memory obviously still haunting him.

Odelia placed a hand on her uncle’s arm. “You had a lot of good years together, Uncle Alec. You should be grateful you got to spend them with Aunt Ginny as long as you did.”

He gave her a weak smile. “You’re right, honey. And I am. Grateful, I mean. I’m just telling you not to make the same mistake I did. Putting work before everything else. This case will get solved, or it won’t. You can’t let that stop you from spending time with this hotshot detective over here. At least if that’s what you want.”