Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Secret

“Milo said you used to be in love with me but now you hate me so much you want to kill me, Max,” said Harriet softly.

“What?! That’s crazy!”

“Yeah. He also said Dooley poops the walls because he’s in love with me, too,” she added with a sly smile.

“I only poop the walls to get rid of all of those worms!” Dooley cried.

“What worms? Who gave you that crazy idea?” asked Harriet.

“Milo,” said Dooley, understanding finally dawning. “Oh, boy. I’ve been punked.”

“Milo told me you’re my brother, Max,” Brutus grumbled. “And Dooley is my son and Harriet is my aunt. He also told me you’re a raging nymphomaniac, Harriet.”

“What’s a nymphomaniac?” asked Dooley.

“Um, someone who likes nymphs,” said Harriet, looking startled.

“Oh, I like nymphs,” said Dooley.

“This cat’s been having a big laugh at our expense,” I said.

“Do you see me laughing?” asked Brutus.

“Is that why you were acting so cold and distant, buttercup?” asked Harriet, placing a paw on Brutus’s face.

“Yup,” he said. “I thought you were in love with Dooley and Max and—hell—every male cat out there.”

“Oh, snookums. He was lying!”

“I know that now,” he said, looking a little embarrassed.

“We need to get back at that cat,” I said.

“We need to get that cat out of our lives,” Brutus grunted.

“No more lies,” said Harriet. “From now on we take everything he says with a grain of salt.”

“More like a truckload of salt,” Brutus agreed.

“Problem is, Odelia believes everything he tells her,” I said. And then I told them my bright idea. They seemed to agree it was the goods, and soon we arranged the whole thing—just like in the old days. The days before Milo entered our lives and started spreading his poison.

Chapter 23

Odelia was surprised when her four cats walked in through the kitchen pet door. She’d just started dinner and looked up when the procession made the door flap.

“Hey, you guys,” she said. “I figured I wouldn’t see you again.”

The foursome took up position right next to the kitchen counter and Odelia looked down. “We have held a meeting and have decided something,” said Max.

“Uh-huh?” she said as she licked her fingers. She’d been chopping tomatoes. “What did you decide?”

“We want to formally invite Milo to join our small band of feline sleuths.”

This was the absolute last thing she’d expected but it warmed her heart. “Hey, that’s great.” Then she was reminded of Milo’s words. “It’s just that… I know you don’t really like this sleuthing business all that much. That you just go along with it for the treats. No, you don’t have to deny it. Milo told me how you feel,” she added when Dooley made to speak.

“We want to do this, Odelia,” said Max emphatically. “And we want Milo to join us. I know we didn’t always see eye to eye in the past but we feel we should put all that behind us and make a fresh start.”

“I like it,” she said decidedly. “In fact I love it.” Then she hollered, “Milo! Come here a minute, will you?”

Milo came walking up, cool as a cucumber, until he saw the four cats seated side by side. He looked a little startled, and Odelia didn’t wonder. They’d given him a really hard time.

“Hey there, Milo,” said Max.

“Max and his friends have a proposal for you,” said Odelia.

“Is that so?” said Milo with a touch of suspicion.

“We want you to join us on our sleuthing quests,” said Harriet.

“Join the gang,” Brutus added.

“Be part of the team,” Harriet finished.

“And I think it’s a great idea,” said Odelia proudly. “So what do you say, bud?”

Milo narrowed his eyes at Max for a moment, then seemed to smile. Sweetly, he said, “Of course. Of course I want to be a part of your sleuthing gang.”

“Band,” Max corrected him. “We’re a band, not a gang, Milo.”

“Sure, sure,” said Milo vaguely. “Part of the band. I love it. I love it.”

“And I have your very first assignment all worked out for you,” said Odelia, happy that her cats were getting along again. “I want you guys to go to the Potbelly duck farm and talk to the ducks—and maybe the dogs, too. There’s been a murder and the murderer stole a tractor and a tanker filled with duck poop. We find the thieves, we find the murderers.”

Milo was looking decidedly unhappy now. “Duck farm? Duck poop? Talk to dogs?”

“This is what we do, Milo,” said Max. “You have a problem with that?”

“Nah, not me,” said Milo, brightening. “If this is what it takes to be part of the gang—pardon me, the band—then count me in. Dogs. Ducks… Poop. Bring it on!”

It could have been Odelia’s imagination but Milo seemed less than excited about the prospect of engaging in a little bit of detective work. Then again, this was probably because he was still feeling the sting of Max’s words of that afternoon.

Oh, Max, she thought as she returned to her meal prep. Milo would need more than a simple apology to get over those harsh words Max had spoken. And frankly so did she. But this visit to the Potbelly farm was a good way to start making amends.

And she’d just finished peeling the potatoes when the sliding glass door was shoved all the way open and her father walked in.

“Vesta!” he roared, looking a little flushed. “I know what you did!”

“Always loved that movie,” Gran croaked. “And the sequel. I Know What You Did Last Summer 2 . Real classic.”

“You sent those hobos into my office, didn’t you?” Dad cried.

“It’s offensive to call them hobos, Tex,” said Grandma. “Didn’t they teach you anything in that Political Correctness 101 course you took in that doctor school of yours?”

“Admit it,” said Dad, his face now red like a lobster.

“What’s going on?” asked Odelia, wiping her hands on the kitchen towel.

“She deliberately sent two dozen hobos into my office, and pretended Scarlett rustled them up. She’s trying to poison my mind against Scarlett.”

“Scarlett?” asked Odelia with a frown. “Scarlett Canyon?”

“Of course Scarlett Canyon!”

“I don’t get it. Take it from the top, Dad.”

Mom also walked in now, completing the family portrait. And with five cats following the altercation with rapt attention, it was almost like the nativity scene, if Max was a donkey, Dooley an ox, Brutus a camel and Milo Baby Jesus. “What’s with all the shouting?” Mom asked.

“She sent two dozen hobos into my office!” said Dad, still not making one lick of sense.

Mom must have thought so, too, for she said, “You’re not making one lick of sense, Tex.”

Dad took a steadying breath, planted his hands on his hips and started from the top, just like Odelia had suggested. “Two dozen hobos walked into my office.”

“Is this a joke?” asked Gran. “Cause I’m laughing already.”

“Two dozen hobos, Scarlett Canyon and I were in the office.”

“This is a joke!” said Gran. “I love it!”

“You sent them,” said Dad, doing the pointing-finger routine again. “I was in there for over two hours. One of them had a pin through his nose and one woman thought she had two growths on her chest but they were just two old raisins that had gotten stuck there.”

Mom threw up her hands. It’s one thing for a woman to know that her husband, being a doctor, will be forced to look at other women’s chests from time to time but quite another to be given these kinds of graphic descriptions of the lurid act.

“They’re called breasts, Tex, for crying out loud,” Mom said now.