Молли Фитц - Legal Seagull

I shook my head and forced a smile. “I’m not a lawyer. I’m a private investigator.”

Alpha whipped his head to the side without moving his body an inch. “Not a lawyer, huh?” he addressed me while staring daggers at his second in command.

Bravo tittered nervously. “Of course you’re a lawyer. I found you at the law firm, remember?”

“I used to be a paralegal, but—”

“Stop helping,” he yelled through a gritted beak.

“This is why you’ll never be Alpha,” the seagull leader declared.

A few ill-spirited jeers rose up from the flock, and Bravo buried his face beneath a wing. Poor guy.

“I’m not a lawyer, but I can get you one. At no charge,” I sputtered, suddenly desperate to help the poor guy and not just because he knew where I could find my missing family.

Alpha stretched both wings overhead and opened his beak wide in a yawn. “Go on.”

“He’s my boyfriend. I can call him right now.”

“Stop squawking and start walking,” he told me with a stony gaze.

I took this to mean that I was to call Charles now. Dutifully, I pulled out my phone, noting it was still the early afternoon and praying Charles wouldn’t be in court or with a client.

He answered on the third ring. “Angie. Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine, but I have a bit of an emergency on my hands,” I mumbled into the receiver.

“Where are you?”

I walked around to the front of the strip mall and gave him the name of the first shop I saw. “In Dewdrop Springs,” I added.

“I’ll be there as fast as I can,” he promised without asking for any more information.

“Thank you. Love you,” I said before ending the call. I could explain once he arrived. That is, if I could figure out how to explain what I still didn’t understand myself.

“Well?” Alpha asked, hopping over to stand directly at my feet.

“He’s on his way,” I said, and Bravo released a giant sigh into the wind.

“Told you I had the right one,” he clucked.

“Can you maybe explain to me what’s going on?” Unfortunately, I couldn’t leave now that Charles was coming over to handle things—namely, because he still needed me to translate the animal-to-human communications.

“Why should we tell you anything?” Alpha demanded. “You’re just the go-between.”

Bravo chose that exact moment to fly to my shoulder and grab the soft fabric of my shirt as a perch. Naturally, I screamed and started waving my hands around wildly to unseat him.

“Jeez, relax,” he huffed. “This isn’t a Hitchcock movie, and I’m not a Hitchcock kind of bird. So relax already.”

Alpha laughed and flew onto my now free shoulder. “I like you. You’re funny.”

It took everything I had not to frantically bat him off. At least he liked me, right?

“That movie did wonders for us, you know? All these generations of gulls later, and good ol’ Hitchcock still has humans running from us in terror. We used to have to run from them, you know. Back in the dark ages of avian history.”

I nodded solemnly, amazed that any creature could be more ridiculous than my cat—let alone a whole society of them. “Is that what this is about?” I asked, too curious not to try to pry it out of him once more.

“No, no, no.” Bravo flew over and took a spot on my other shoulder, which meant I was now sandwiched between him and Alpha and feeling incredibly exposed. “This isn’t about humans at all. Well, except for the fact we needed your help.”

“You needed a lawyer,” I reminded them. “Why?”

“When dealing with an inferior opponent, sometimes you need an inferior judge. No offense. That’s where you and your lawyer friend come in.”

Ouch.

“An opponent, huh? Is somebody suing you? Charging you with a crime?” Both options seemed equally likely—and equally ludicrous.

“Don’t be silly. This isn’t about silly laws.” Alpha leaned forward menacingly and a mighty cry rose up from his flock. “This is war.”

Chapter Four

While waiting for Charles to join me in Dewdrop Springs, I texted Nan to let her know I’d be even later coming home than I’d originally suspected. Normally I would have called her for a quick chat since she was a notoriously bad texter, but Alpha’s declaration of war sent his entire flock into a cawing pandemonium. I could barely hear myself think, let alone speak. Yeah, even though I was still only in my late twenties, I would probably need a hearing aid after this one. Hopefully, Charles could help them with whatever they needed quickly, and we could all go about our separate lives again.

As scattered street lamps began to pop on and neon store signs lit to illuminate the growing darkness, I became very aware that I was standing alone and exposed in a crime-ridden commercial district with only a strange flock of seagulls to protect me.

When his sedan pulled into the strip mall parking lot, I jogged over to greet him. I did that a lot these days—jogged when I could just as easily have walked. I had Nan and our new morning exercise routine to thank for that one. I loved that I now felt strong and quick, secure in my body… Well, almost. Still couldn’t outrun my grandmother, though.

Charles parked and swung the door open, making a hasty exit. As soon as he was standing on solid pavement, I threw myself into his arms. Yes, it was definitely overdramatic, but tomorrow I’d be leaving on a lengthy cross-country trip and I was really going to miss him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling back to study my face.

I wiped at a tear I hadn’t realized I’d shed. Definitely overdramatic. “I’m fine. It’s just that—”

Before I could finish, the flock came rushing over with quickly flapping wings and ear-piercing cries.

“Is this the guy? Is this our lawyer?” Alpha demanded as he circled low.

Charles threw one hand over his head protectively and used the other to hold me close to his chest. He didn’t say anything, but I could feel his heart thumping wildly beneath my cheek, his breaths coming out fast and short against my hair.

Bravo laughed as he at last landed on the hood of Charles’s car. “The Hitchcock maneuver, haha. Gets them every time.”

Okay, that was it!

I wriggled my way out of Charles’s protective grasp and turned to face the flock, wagging a finger at Bravo since he was closest. “If you want our help, there will be no more of this Hitchcock nonsense. You got it?”

“They’re just messing with us?” Charles’s voice came out choked. “For fun?”

I continued to glare at the birds as I nodded. “They threatened me, too. Said they’d send their woodpecker friends in to mess up my house if I refused to cooperate with whatever plan they have for us.”

“I don’t like this.” Charles glanced from me to the birds and back again. It was always awkward for him, taking part in these conversations with animals when he could only hear my side of things, but he still gave it his best. “I’m not sure we should help them if this is how they’re going to behave.”

Ahh, Charles. He’d make a great father one day. He already had the tough love thing down pat.

“What?” Alpha squawked. “But you said he’d be our lawyer. He can’t just say no. You already promised.”

I sighed to buy myself some time, then finally responded with, “Yes, we’ll help you as long as you promise to be civil from here on out.”

Alpha raised both wings overhead and bowed. “Bird’s honor.” I wasn’t sure how much I could trust his—or any other bird’s—honor, but I hoped for the best.

“Angie,” Charles said between gritted teeth, apparently far less appeased by Alpha’s promise. “Can I speak to you in the car for a moment?”