Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Advice. Purrfect Passion. A Purrfect Gnomeful

Behind us, Harriet and Brutus had entered, and now joined us.

“Is that what I think it is?” said Harriet.

Both Dooley and I nodded silently.

“We talked to Clarice this afternoon,” Brutus announced.

“Oh?” I said, still staring at the droppings. I simply couldn’t drag my eyes away from the horrid sight. And if I pricked up my ears, I could almost hear the mice snicker in the basement, imagining the looks on our faces at the sight of their latest offering.

“She told us either to eat the mice, or to convince Odelia to put out humane mousetraps and catch them, then put them somewhere.”

“She gobbled up a rat,” said Harriet. “Can you imagine? An entire rat! Brr.”

“It was a horrible sight,” Brutus confirmed. “One that will haunt me forever.”

“We talked to Jasmine,” I said. “Mia Gray’s Persian?”

“I think she’s actually Allison Gray’s Persian,” Dooley corrected me gently.

“Right. Well, she told us the same thing. To eat the mice and show them who’s boss. She claims it’s a cat’s duty to keep their human’s house free of mice and other vermin.”

“It’s sound advice,” Brutus agreed. “But I can’t do it.”

“Me neither,” said Harriet.

“Or me,” I said.

“And me,” Dooley muttered.

“We’re a couple of pussies, aren’t we, you guys?” said Harriet with a sad laugh.

“Yeah, real pussies,” I agreed.

“So there’s only one thing we can do now,” said Brutus, “and that’s to give Odelia the bad news, and tell her the only way to get rid of the creatures is to collect them in traps and put them out to pasture someplace far, far away, and hope they don’t come back.”

“They came back this time, didn’t they?” said Harriet. “So what makes you think they won’t come back again?”

We were all quiet for a moment, as we contemplated a life filled with mouse droppings from now, more and more each day, until we drowned in the stuff. It was not a pleasant thought.

“Oh, before I forget,” said Harriet suddenly, “Chloe has written new answers to your questions.”

“New answers?” I said. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it turns out she made a mistake. A silly mistake. She mixed up the questions and answers, or at least someone did, and so she decided to write a rectification.”

“A whatsification?” asked Dooley.

“Just read it, will you? I think you’ll like this answer better than the last one.”

I moved over to the couch, hopped on, and switched on the tablet. Harriet was right: Chloe’s column had two new items.

“Dear Brave Heart,” I read aloud. “My apologies for my last response. I never meant to call you obnoxious. A terrible mix-up. Please don’t worry about finding love again. Human nature and feline nature both are resilient, and the heart even more so. At any age and under any circumstances can a person, or a cat, find love, for the first time or the second time or the hundredth time. Don’t doubt it for a second. Yours, Chloe.”

I wiped away a tear as Dooley read his response.

“So beautiful,” I muttered. “I love it.”

“Dear Hopeful Heart,” Dooley read. “Static electricity indeed is a powerful force of nature, and shouldn’t be underestimated. Do I think that there’s still hope for your friends to have lots and lots of babies? Of course I do! And I think it’s so wonderful of you to ask the question. It shows that you’re a true friend with your heart in the right place—a friend that every cat would be proud to have. Always yours, Chloe.”

“What a lovely response!” Dooley cried, his eyes moist.

Even Harriet’s eyes were suspiciously shiny, and Brutus was wiping at his face.

“So nice of Chloe to correct her mistake,” I said in a husky voice. “And so nice to know that there’s still a chance for Mia to find love again.”

“And for you guys to have babies!” said Dooley. “Lots and lots of them!”

Harriet laughed, and so did Brutus.

“Now all you need to do is rub up against each other as much as you can,” said Dooley. “Create plenty of static electricity. And you see that it will happen. Chloe said so.”

“Yes, Chloe said so,” Harriet agreed, and for some reason pressed Dooley to her bosom and gave him a big smacking kiss on the brow. “You’re the best, Dooley. And you, Max.”

But before she could repeat the procedure with me, I respectfully bowed out. Don’t get me wrong. I like Harriet. In fact I love her like a sister, but I don’t enjoy wet kisses planted all over my face, thank you very much.

And I was just scanning the website again to read Chloe’s answer a second time, when something whizzed past my field of vision, and when I looked up, I saw that a mouse was racing past, on its way from the kitchen to the basement, hoisting a very large piece of cheese over its tiny little cranium, and cackling all the way with glee!

Chapter 28

When Odelia arrived home that night, she had the impression that her cats were looking at her a little strangely. She didn’t know why, and when she asked them, they acted surprised, so she decided not to pursue the matter. If there was something wrong, sooner or later they’d tell her.

Before she left the house through the kitchen door, she asked Harriet if everything was all right, and Harriet gave her a wink and said that Chloe’s new answers had proven a big hit with Max and Dooley.

“That’s great,” said Odelia with a smile. She didn’t like it when her cats didn’t get along, and it was nice to see that the wrinkles had all been smoothed out again.

She walked through the opening in the hedge that divided her backyard from her parents’, then into the house through the kitchen. Mom was busily cooking something, but looked a little out of sorts, she thought.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Mom looked up, as if she hadn’t even noticed she’d joined her. “Mh? Oh, nothing.” And as she chopped some onions, she suddenly said, “Do you remember what we were talking about yesterday?”

“You mean the trip to Europe?”

“Yeah, that. Well, I posted a follow-up question, and you’ll never guess what Gabi wrote.”

“I think I can guess,” said Odelia.

“She told me not to be so selfish and think about myself all the time while I have a brother who wants to become the next mayor and isn’t doing a damn thing about it.”

“Sounds familiar,” said Odelia, nodding.

“Almost as if your grandmother wrote that,” said Mom, wiping away a tear.

“Oh, don’t cry, Mom,” said Odelia, who hated to see her mother sad.

“I’m not,” said Mom in a choked voice. “It’s the onions.”

Odelia was going to say something else, but just then her dad walked in, planted a kiss on the top of her head, then gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and said, “The weirdest thing. Vesta didn’t show up for work today, or call. Any idea what could have happened?”

“Gran decided to help me out with an investigation,” said Odelia.

“Oh, not again,” said her father, sounding a little dismayed.

“Yeah, and she even has a new sleuthmate.”

“Who?”

“Scarlett Canyon. The two of them have been interrogating people all day today, and yesterday, too.”

“Scarlett Canyon,” said Dad, looking stunned. “And they haven’t killed each other?”

“Not yet,” said Odelia.

“But… I thought your grandmother hated Scarlett?” said Mom, wiping her hands on her apron.

“I thought so, too, but they’ve been doing amazingly. They interviewed Kirk’s wife today, and got a lot of information out of her, and then they went back to Allison Gray’s place and interviewed the entire staff.”