Tana French - The Secret Place

But McKenna coming up behind the podium has her mouth and her eyebrows rearranged into her special solemn face, carefully mixed stern and sad and holy. Back when they were in first year and a fifth-year got killed in a car crash over the Christmas break, they all came back in January to that face. They haven’t seen it since.

Not Ronan the groundskeeper. People are twisting to see if they can spot anyone missing. Lauren Mulvihill isn’t in ohmyGod I heard she was going to fail her exams I heard she got dumped ohmyGod-

‘Girls,’ McKenna says. ‘I have some tragic news to share with you. You will be shocked and grieved, but I expect you to behave with the good sense and dignity that are part of the St Kilda’s tradition.’

Straining silence. ‘Someone found a used condom,’ Julia guesses, on a breath too low for anyone but the four of them to hear.

‘Shh,’ Holly says, without looking at her. She’s sitting up high and straight, staring at McKenna and wrapping a tissue around and around her hand. Selena wants to ask if she’s OK, but Holly might kick her.

‘I am sorry to tell you that this morning a student from St Colm’s was found dead on our grounds. Christopher Harper-’

Selena thinks her chair’s spun over backwards, into nothing. McKenna’s gone. The hall has turned grey and misty, tilting, clanging with bells and squeals and distorted scraps of music left over from the Valentine’s dance.

Selena understands, way too late and completely, why she wasn’t punished after that first night. She had some nerve, back then, thinking she had any right to hope for that mercy.

Something hurts, a long way away. When she looks down she sees Julia’s hand on her upper arm; to anyone watching it would look like a shock-grab, but Julia’s fingers are digging in hard. She says, low, ‘Don’t fucking faint.’

The pain is good; it pushes the mist back a little. Selena says, ‘OK.’

‘Just don’t break down, and keep your mouth shut. Can you do that?’

Selena nods. She’s not sure what Julia’s talking about, but she can remember it anyway; it helps, having two solid things to hold on to, one in each hand. Behind her someone is sobbing, loud and fake. When Julia lets go of her arm she misses the pain.

She should have seen this coming, after that first night. She should have spotted it seething in every shadow, red-mouthed and ravenous, waiting for a great golden voice to give it the word to leap.

She thought she was the one who would be punished. She let him keep coming back. She asked him to.

The splinters of music won’t stop scraping at her.

Becca watches the assembly through the clearest coldest water in the world, mountain water full of movement and quirky little questions. She can’t remember if she expected this part to be difficult; she thinks probably she never thought about it. As far as she can tell she’s having the easiest time of anyone in the whole room.

McKenna tells them not to be afraid because the police have everything under control. She tells them to be very careful, in any telephone calls to their parents, not to cause needless worry with foolish hysteria. There will be group counselling sessions for all classes. There will be individual counselling sessions for anyone who feels she may need it. Remember that you can talk to your class teacher or to Sister Ignatius at any time. At the end she tells them to return to their homerooms, where their class teachers will join them to answer any questions they may have.

They foam out of the gym into the entrance hall. Teachers are positioned ready to herd them and hush them, but the jabber and the sobs can’t be tamped down any longer; they surge up, careening around the high ceiling-space and up the stairwell. Becca feels like she’s taken her feet off the ground and she’s being carried along effortlessly, floated from shoulder to shoulder, all down the long corridors.

The second they’re through the homeroom door, Holly has a hand clamped round Selena’s wrist and she’s force-fielding the whole four of them past sobbing hugging clumps, into a back corner by the window. She grabs them into a fake hug and says, hard, ‘They’re going to be talking to everyone, the Murder detectives are. Don’t tell them anything . No matter what. Specially don’t tell them we can get out. Do you get that?’

‘OhmyGod, look,’ Julia says, holding up a cupped palm, ‘it’s a great big handful of duhhhh. Is it all for us?’

Holly hisses into her face, ‘I’m not joking. OK? This is real . Someone’s going to actual jail , for life .’

‘No, seriously, are they? Do I look handicapped?’

Becca smells the acrid electrical-short urgency. ‘Hol,’ she says. Holly’s all jammed-out angles and staticky hair; Becca wants to stroke her soft and smooth again. ‘We know. We won’t tell them anything. Honestly.’

‘Right, that’s what you think now. You don’t know what it’s like. This isn’t going to be like Houlihan going, “Ooh dear, I smell tobacco, have you girls been smoking cigarettes?” and if you look innocent enough she believes you. These are detectives . If they get one clue that you know anything about anything, they’re like pit bulls. Like, eight hours in an interview room with them interrogating you and your parents going apeshit, does that sound like fun? That’s what’ll happen if you even pause before you answer a question.’

Holly’s forearm is steel, pressing down across Becca’s shoulders. ‘And the other thing is: they lie. OK? Detectives make stuff up all the time. So if they’re all, “We know you were getting out at night, someone saw you,” don’t fall for it . They don’t actually know anything; they’re just hoping you’ll get freaked out and give them something. You have to look stupid and go, “Nuh-uh, they must’ve got mixed up, it wasn’t us.”’

Someone behind them sobs, ‘He was sooo full of life,’ and a wavering wail rises above the fug of the room. ‘Jesus Christ, someone shut those dumb bitches up,’ Julia snaps, shouldering Holly’s arm away. ‘Fucking ow , Holly, that hurts.’

Holly jams her arm back where it was, clamping Jules in place. ‘ Listen. They’ll make up mental stuff. They’ll be like, “We know you were going out with Chris, we’ve got proof-”’

Becca’s eyes snap wide open. Holly is looking straight at Selena, but Becca can’t tell why, if it’s just because they’re opposite each other or if it’s because much more. Selena doesn’t feel staticky. She feels too soft, bruised to jelly.

Julia’s face has gone sharp. ‘They can do that?’

‘OhmyGod, here, have some more duh. They can say whatever they want . They can say they’ve got proof that you killed him, if they want, just to see what you do.’

Julia says, ‘I have to talk to someone.’ She shrugs Holly’s arm off and heads across the classroom. Becca watches. There’s a high-pitched huddle around Joanne Heffernan, who’s draped artistically over a chair with her head back and her eyes half-shut. Gemma Harding is in the huddle, but Julia says something close to her and they move a step away. Becca can tell by the angles of their heads that they’re keeping their voices down.

Holly says, ‘Please tell me you get that.’

She’s still looking at Selena, who, without the tight brace of the fake hug on both sides, rocks a little and comes down on someone’s desk. Becca’s pretty sure she hasn’t heard any of it. She wishes she could tell Lenie how utterly OK everything is, shake out a great soft blanket of OK and wrap it round Lenie’s shoulders. Things will run their own slow dark ways, down their old underground channels, and heal in their own time. You just have to wait, till you wake up one morning perfect again.