Dorothy Sayers - Gaudy Night

“I feel I am in a very awkward position,” said Harriet. “I am willing to give any help I can; but you do realize, don’t you, that this kind of inquiry is apt to take a long time, especially if the investigator has to tackle it single-handed A place like this, where people run in and out everywhere at all hours is almost impossible to police or patrol efficiently. It would need quite a little squad of inquiry agents-and even if you disguised them as scouts or students a good deal of awkwardness might arise.”

“Is there no material evidence to be obtained from an examination of the documents themselves?” asked Miss Pyke. “Speaking for myself, I am quite ready to have my fingerprints taken or to undergo any other kind of precautionary measure that may be considered necessary.”

“I’m afraid,” said Harriet, “the evidence of finger-prints isn’t quite so easy a matter as we make it appear in books. I mean, we could take fingerprints, naturally, from the S.C.R. and, possibly, from the scouts-though they wouldn’t like it much. But I should doubt very much whether rough scribbling-paper like this would show distinguishable prints. And besides-”

“Besides,” said the Dean, “every malefactor nowadays knows enough about finger-prints to wear gloves.”

“And,” said Miss de Vine, speaking for the first time, and with a slightly grim emphasis, “if we didn’t know it before, we know it now.”

“Great Scott!” cried the Dean, impulsively, “I’d forgotten all about its being us.”

“You see what I meant,” said the Warden, “when I said that it was better not to discuss methods of investigation too freely.”

“How many people have handled all these documents already?” inquired Harriet.

“Ever so many, I should think,” said the Dean.

“But could not a search be made for-” began Miss Chilperic. She was the most junior of the dons; a small, fair and timid young woman, assistant-tutor in English Language and Literature, and remarkable chiefly for being engaged to be married to a junior don at another college. The Warden interrupted her.

“Please, Miss Chilperic. That is the kind of suggestion that ought not to be made here. It might convey a warning.”

“This,” said Miss Hillyard, “is an intolerable position.” She looked angrily at Harriet, as though she were responsible for the position; which, in a sense, she was.

“It seems to me,” said the Treasurer, “that, now that we have asked Miss Vane to come and give us her advice, it is impossible for us to take it, or even to hear what it is. The situation is rather Gilbertian.”

“We shall have to be frank up to a point,” said the Warden. “Do you advise the private inquiry agent, Miss Vane?”

“Not the ordinary sort,” said Harriet; “you wouldn’t like them at all. But I know of an organization where you could get the right type of person and greatest possible discretion.” For she had remembered that there was a Miss Katherine Climpson, who what was ostensibly a Typing Bureau but was in fact a useful organization of women engaged in handling odd little investigations. The Bureau was self-supporting, though it had, she knew, Peter Wimsey’s money behind it. She was one of the very few people in the Kingdom who did know it.

The Treasurer coughed.

“Fees paid to a Detective Agency,” she observed, “will have an odd appearance in the Annual Audit.”

“I think that might be arranged,” said Harriet. “I know the organization personally. A fee might not be necessary.”

“That,” said the Warden, “would not be right. The fees would, of course, have to be paid. I would gladly be personally responsible.”

“That would not be right either,” said Miss Lydgate. “We certainly should not like that.”

“Perhaps,” suggested Harriet, “I could find out what the fees were likely to be.” She had, in fact, no idea how this part of the business was worked.

“There would be no harm in inquiring,” said the Warden. “In the meantime-”

“If I may make the suggestion,” said the Dean, “I should propose, Warden, that the evidence should be handed over to Miss Vane, as she is the only person in this room who cannot possibly come under suspicion. Perhaps she would like to sleep upon the matter and make a report to you in the morning. At least, not in the morning, because of Lord Oakapple and the Opening; but at some time during tomorrow.”

“Very well,” said Harriet in response to an inquiring look from the Warden. “I will do that. And if I can think of any way in which I can be helpful, I’ll do my best.”

The Warden thanked her. “We all appreciate,” she added, “the extreme awkwardness of the situation, and I am sure we shall all do what we can to co-operate in getting the matter cleared up. And I should like to say this: Whatever any of us may think or feel, it is of the very greatest importance that we should dismiss, as far as possible, all vague suspicions from our minds, and be particularly careful how we may say anything that might be construed as an accusation against anybody at all. In a close community of this kind, nothing can be more harmful than an atmosphere of mutual distrust. I repeat that I have the very greatest confidence in every Senior Member of the College. I shall endeavour to keep an entirely open mind, and I shall look to all my colleagues to do the same.”

The dons assented; and the meeting broke up.

“Well!” said the Dean, as she and Harriet turned into the New Quad, “that is the most uncomfortable meeting I have ever had to sit through. My dear, you have thrown a bombshell into our midst!”

“I’m afraid so. But what could I do?”

“You couldn’t possibly have done anything else. Oh, dear! It’s all very well for the Warden to talk about an open mind, but we shall all feel perfectly ghastly wondering what other people are thinking about us, and whether our own conversation doesn’t sound a little potty. It’s the pottiness, you know, that’s so awful.”

“I know. By the way, Dean, I do absolutely refuse to suspect you. You’re quite the sanest person I ever met.”

“I don’t think that’s keeping an open mind, but thank you all the same for those few kind words. And one can’t possibly suspect the Warden or Miss Lydgate, can one? But I’d better not say even that, I suppose. Otherwise by process of elimination-oh, lord! For Heaven’s sake can’t we find some handy outsider with a cast-iron alibi ready for busting?”

“We’ll hope so. And of course there are those two students and the scouts to be disposed of.” They turned in at the Dean’s door. Miss Martin savagely poked up the fire in the sitting-room, sat down in an armchair and stared at the leaping flames. Harriet coiled herself on a couch and contemplated Miss Martin.

“Look here,” said the Dean; “you had better not tell me too much about what you think, but there’s no reason why any of us shouldn’t tell you what we think, is there? No. Well. Here’s the point. What is the object of all this persecution? It doesn’t look like a personal grudge against anybody in particular. It’s a kind of blind malevolence, directed against everybody in College. What’s at the back of it?”

“Well, it might be somebody who thought the College as a body had injured her. Or it might be a personal grudge masking itself under a general attack. Or it might be just somebody with a mania for creating disturbance in order to enjoy the fun; that’s the usual reason for this kind of outbreak, if you can call it a reason.”

“That’s sheer pottiness, in that case. Like those tiresome children who throw furniture about and the servants who pretend to be ghosts. And, talking of servants, do you think there’s anything in that idea that it’s more likely to be somebody of that class? Of course, Miss Barton wouldn’t agree; but after all, some of the words used are very coarse.”