Lori Avocato - Nip, Tuck, Dead

Daddy kept eating.

Uncle Walt snored, and I sat there feeling as if I was five years old.

“I’m going to do private duty nursing at a plastic surgery clinic, Mom.”

I could see Goldie and Miles’s shocked yet pleased expressions. Thanks to Mom, I just figured out how to get into the clinic to do my investigation! Now all I needed was…a patient.

Damn.

“Oh, I see,” she said, then remained silent.

Yes!

Feeling as if you’ve checkmated your mother was glorious. A smile crossed my face. I could see myself in the stainless steel coffeepot and smiled wider.

She leaned closer to me. “So, who is your patient?”

My smile faded when I met her eyes. Five years old…again.

Goldie jumped from his seat. I thought he might shake Mom, but knew him better. “Me!”

“Me?” I shouted.

Miles looked confused. “You?”

I turned toward him. “No, him.”

Daddy looked up as he stuffed the last forkful of frosting into his mouth. “Who’s him? I’m confused.”

Goldie started waving his hands about. “Pauline is going to be my nurse. You know, private duty type. I’m going to splurge and treat myself to a nose job!”

“Oh…my…gosh! This place is fabulous!” I shouted when Goldie and I drove down Bellevue Avenue, the main artery for mansion viewing in Newport. In the Gilded Age, the wealthy built their forty room “cottages” along Bellevue -and competition became the name of the game. From the Astors to the Vander-bilts all the rich moguls tried to outdo each other with their homes and their parties.

I shut my eyes and could picture golden carriages pulled by white horses clip-clopping along the street. When I opened my eyelids, all I could see were long driveways to mansions bigger than the Hope Valley town hall.

Finally Goldie turned down a street where a sign for Highcliff Manor stood. When we drove down the long drive, I looked at the place and gasped.

Goldie chuckled. “Nice digs I’m gonna be in for the next few weeks, Suga.”

I nodded in agreement when I looked at the sprawling white wooden mansion, which overlooked the ocean but from some distance. The distance was a perfectly manicured expanse of lawn, greenery, shrubs, topiaries and flowers of all sorts. Wrapped in a surround-type porch, the place looked homey in a very classy, expensive big way.

As soon as Goldie pulled his banana-yellow sixties Camaro into a parking space, I turned to him and touched his arm. “Gold, you really don’t have to do this.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I know, Suga. I really want to.”

I kissed him back, turned and opened my door. When I stepped out, the warm spring ocean breeze hit my face. “It smells great, Gold. So oceaney.”

“Look to the left.”

I turned to see him pointing and gasped again. “Oh…my…God. It’s amazing.”

Behind the rows of salmon azalea bushes, now in bloom, whitecaps, riding swells of waves, frothed in the distance. Tankers, the size of a child’s toy from here, edged slowly across the horizon. The Atlantic Ocean was only steps away-and about fifty feet below. Yikes.

“This is going to be the best assignment!” I turned to see a nervous smile on Goldie’s face and quickly gave him a hug. “I’m going to take excellent care of you, Gold. I am.”

“You know, Suga, I’ve always wanted my nose tweaked, but was too scared to go under the knife. You know me. I don’t do pain. But when the opportunity arose to have you at my side, I jumped at it.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek once again. “I’m not going to worry anymore. And, I’m gonna be here to help you solve your case so we can head back home real soon.”

“Thanks,” I said, but thought about how long my cases usually took. Never had evidence “fall into my lap” like Goldie’s had.

Besides, if it did, I wasn’t sure I’d catch it.

“I am Pauline Sokol and this is my…patient, Goldie Perlman,” I said to the darling young blond guy behind the reception desk. Quite the hottie, if a few years too young for moi.

Actually, the place looked more like a library complete with wall-to-wall books, mahogany everything (the expensive kind), and floral arrangements, real ones that probably cost more than my yearly salary.

The young man gave Goldie the once-over. Not in an insulting way though. Thank goodness. I’d grown to be rather protective of my dear friend, although, in all honesty, Goldie could hold his own-and mostly protected me.

“Welcome to Highcliff Manor. I’m Ian. Ian James. Have a seat.” He motioned for us to sit. Well, he motioned for Goldie to sit. Me he just nodded at. Hm. I was guessing that Ian either thought my Goldie was as hot as Pamela Anderson (only more sophisticated) or as hot as Johnny Depp (only more…in all honesty, he didn’t need improvement).

I sat next to Goldie and took his hand. “When do we get to see the doctor?”

Ian looked at me and smiled. “Ms. Sokol…”

I knew he was talking but got hung up on the “Ms.” part. How come he’d assumed I was a Ms. and not a Mrs.? Goldie’s hand grew cool. I tightened my hold and yanked my thoughts back to Ian. No worrying about my lack of marital status right now. Gold was way more important, and besides, I’d convinced myself that I was now a career gal.

“…so, you see, we have it all down to a science here at Highcliff Manor.”

I’ll just bet you do, I thought, although I hadn’t heard everything he’d said, and it probably was important. Oh well, I was sure Goldie got it all. Before I knew it, Ian was standing and motioning for us to follow.

He gave us a brief tour of the manor, which looked as if House Beautiful had set up stakes here to decorate the place. Gorgeous. Floral everything. Antique furnishings. Carpets softer than clouds. Goldie and I “oohed” and “aahed” all the way to his room.

When Ian unlocked Room 211, he stood to the side and handed Goldie the key. “If you need anything, I’m always around.” They shook hands although I guessed Ian would have liked maybe a hug.

“Holy moly, Suga! Look at this place!”

“Wow,” was all I could say when I stepped in after Goldie.

The room swam in ivory and salmon everything. And lace, silk and French provincial overpowered the huge size. It looked like a millionaire’s living room, so I figured it had to be a suite.

“You could stay here with me, Suga. No need for you to go to the bed and breakfast you booked. Why spend the money?”

He was right, but I thought he’d need the time away from me and, more importantly, I knew Miles had planned a surprise visit for the weekend.

“I’ll be fine at the Samuel Freeman Lodge, Gold. It looks fabulous on the brochure, and I’ll have a place away from here to work on the case and not worry that someone might find any evidence that I turn up. Besides, it’s only a few blocks away and I can walk.”

Goldie seemed more mesmerized than myself with the suite, and when he went into the bathroom and rifled through the floral-scented bath salts, I told him to enjoy himself and I’d be back at three for our meeting with Dr. Cook, Goldie’s plastic surgeon.

I only hoped he wasn’t really Dr. “Crook” and my number one suspect in medical insurance fraud.

When I got to the front desk area, Ian sat at the computer reading something. No sense in wasting time since time really was money on my cases (Fabio was known for his bonuses for quickly solved cases-although, sadly, I hadn’t had one yet), so I headed toward Ian, hoping I wasn’t interrupting something too important.

“Well, Goldie is very pleased with the room.” Because of Miles, there was no point in encouraging Ian.

Ian turned toward me and at first looked confused-as if he didn’t know who I was. Then he quickly shoved the monitor to the right-where I couldn’t see what he had been reading.