Michael Buckley - The Unusual Suspects

"Oh lieblings,you've already been out for three weeks. I don't want you to get too far behind," Granny said, eyeing the girls and fighting a smile that eventually won the battle.

"We'll just go tomorrow, then," Sabrina suggested.

Before Granny Relda could respond, Mr. Canis appeared at the door, fully dressed in his oversized suit. He looked exhausted and feverish, even more frail than before his transformation, which was startling. He looked like he could use another three weeks in bed.

"The children have a guest," he said, leaning unsteadily against the doorframe.

"Thank you, Mr. Canis," Granny Relda said sounding quite motherly. "You go and get your rest."

The old man nodded and shuffled back toward his room.

"Who's here to see you?" Puck said enviously.

Sabrina shrugged and turned to follow Granny Relda downstairs, with Daphne and Puck following eagerly. As the family entered the living room they spotted a skinny old woman in a drab business suit standing by a bookshelf. She picked up a book with her bony hand and scrutinized the title. Sabrina knew the book. It was called Mermaids Are People, Too.The skinny woman tossed it aside and turned to face them, and before Sabrina saw the woman's lace, she knew who it was. "Good morning, girls," Ms. Smirt said. "Did you miss me?"

Chapter 3

Minerva Smirt hadn't changed since the last time the girls had seen her. The caseworker was still ugly and tired-looking. Her bones still poked out of her clothes as if they were trying to escape her body, and she still had the same angry scowl on her face that she'd had when she left them on the train platform three weeks before. She gazed over her long hooked nose and studied the family scornfully. Puck cringed when her eyes swept over him.

"My, my, my," she said disapprovingly.

"Ms. Smirt, what a pleasant surprise," Granny Relda said without much conviction. "It's so nice to see you again."

"Girls, get your things," Ms. Smirt said, staring into the old woman's eyes. "You're going back to the orphanage."

Daphne slipped her hand into her sister's and squeezed so hard it hurt.

"What in heavens for?" Granny Relda exclaimed.

"Because, Mrs. Grimm, you've been completely negligent," the caseworker barked.

"What does negligentmean?" Daphne asked.

"It means she's a failure," Ms. Smirt said, interrupting Sabrina, who usually answered Daphne's vocabulary questions. "It means she's refused to do what the state requires of her. It means she is unfit!

"You two haven't had a day of school since you arrived," the caseworker continued. "I sent your grandmother a letter reminding her about the law,but I never heard back. So I sent another, and then another, and then another. But, still I heard nothing, so because your granny can't find the time to put pen to paper and assure me that you two will be educated, I had to get on a five a.m. train and sit next to man who sniffed his own armpits over and over again, for two hours. Imagine how thrilled I am to find out that not only have you two notbeen in school for a month, you obviously haven't seen a bathtub or a bar of soap, either!"

"Who is this woman?" Puck asked.

"Her name's Minerva Smirt. She was our caseworker from the orphanage," Sabrina answered.

"Cranky old buzzard, isn't she?" the boy replied.

Sabrina smiled. Puck sure has his moments,she thought.

"And who are you supposed to be?" Ms. Smirt asked, turning her angry face toward the boy. "The king of snot-nosed delinquents?"

Puck smiled. "Finally, someone who has heard of me!"

"This is my nephew visiting from… uh… Akron, Ohio," Granny said as she snatched Puck's crown off his head. "Ms. Smirt, I assure you the girls were going to go to school today. We've gotten a little sidetracked with visiting and such."

The truth was that Sabrina and Daphne had made every excuse to avoid school. After the family had foiled a plot by Jack (of the beanstalk story) to release giants into the world so he could kill them and regain his fame, the girls convinced their grandmother they needed some time to recover. Then Sabrina had come down with a mysteriousstomach flu that Daphne conveniently got the next week. A series of stubbed toes, allergic reactions, dizzy spells, bronchial attacks, and food poisonings had continued to keep them out of the classroom, giving them time to do what they both thought was more important- research. Granny's immense and disorganized library of books on all things magical probably held the key to finding and rescuing the girls' parents, missing now for almost two years. The sisters Grimm were in agreement for once: School could wait until Henry and Veronica Grimm were home.

"You understand, Ms. Smirt," Granny Relda continued. "After all, I haven't seen Sabrina since she was a week old."

"And now you aren't going to see her until she's eighteen," the caseworker said. She grabbed the sisters roughly and pulled them toward the door. "Girls, we've got a train to catch. We'll send for your things."

Just then, Elvis trotted into the room. He spotted Ms. Smirt and his usually happy face instantly turned ferocious. He charged the caseworker, sending her tumbling backward over a pile of books, then stood over her, bearing his teeth and growling.

"Get this thing away from me or we'll be making a stop at the pound, too," Ms. Smirt shouted, waving a book at the dog in a fruitless attempt to intimidate him. Granny Relda stepped forward to help the woman, but Sabrina and Daphne stopped her. Instead, the girls stood on either side of the dog and looked down at their caseworker.

"Call him off!" Ms. Smirt demanded.

"Not until you understand what's going to happen today," Sabrina said. "My sister and I are going to go upstairs and get cleaned up. We're going to get dressed and then you are going to take us to school. Then you are going back to New York City, alone."

"You don't get to make the rules, young lady," Ms. Smirt snapped.

"Then we'll just let you and Elvis work out your problems on your own," Daphne said, patting the big dog on his head. "I guess you could probably make a run for it, but you won't get far. Elvis can smell evil."

Elvis barked viciously.

Ms. Smirt stared at the girls for a long moment and then furrowed her brow. "Go get ready for school," she snarled.

Despite her delay tactics, Sabrina was actually looking forward to her first day of the sixth grade. School offered her something that Granny Relda's house didn't-normal people. She would be surrounded by dull teachers and glassy-eyed kids, watching the clock tick slowly, and she would be as happy as a pig in mud. When you lived with a flying boy and the Big Bad Wolf, a little boredom was welcome.

Sabrina had even planned how her first day would go. She would melt into the crowd and do her best not to draw any attention to herself. She wouldn't join any clubs or raise her hand, but would drift through the day like an invisible girl. She would find some kids to befriend and they would sit together at lunchtime and maybe pass notes in class. Just like normal kids. It was going to be one long, dull, happy experience.

Unfortunately, Smirt was ruining Sabrina's plan. It's hard to be just another face in the crowd when you're being dragged down the hallway by your ear. Not that it was entirely Ms. Smirt's fault that Sabrina was getting attention. Even after three vigorous washings, the girl's hair was still full of goo from Puck's booby trap. It stuck out in a thousand different directions like a hungry octopus. Daphne, on the other hand, had sculpted her hair into an old-fashioned beehive style that spiraled high on her head. Inside the sticky tower, the little girl had inserted several pencils and pens, a ruler, a protractor, two gummy erasers, and a package of peanut-butter crackers for later. By the time the girls got to the principal's office, Sabrina was sure every kid in the school thought that Ferryport Landing Elementary was now enrolling escaped mental patients.