P. James: The Skull Beneath The Skin

'Comfortable enough. I can't remember much about it.'

'You've told them everything, of course. Well that's obvious from the mixture of coolness, speculation and slight embarrassment with which they've regarded me since they made their untimely if not unexpected visit late last night.'

'Yes, I've told them.'

'I can almost smell their exhilaration. It's understandable. If you aren't lying or mistaken or mad, then they're on to a very good thing. Promotion gleams like the holy grail. They haven't arrested me, as you see. The situation is unusual, requiring tact and care. They'll take their time. At the moment I imagine that they're still testing the trapdoor, trying to decide whether it could have crashed down accidentally, whether you really could have heard the bolts shoot home. After all, when they returned here last night, in a state I might say of some excitement, they found the trapdoor closed but not bolted. And I don't think they'll get any identifiable prints from the bolts, do you?'

Suddenly she felt an immense and overpowering anger, almost cosmic in its intensity as if one fragile female body could hold all the concentrated outrage of the world's pitiable victims robbed of their unvalued lives. She cried:

'You killed him, and you tried to kill me. Me! Not even in self-defence. Not even out of hatred. My life counted for less than your comfort, your possessions, your private world. My life!'

He said with perfect calmness:

'If that's what you believe, then a certain resentment is reasonable. But you see, Cordelia, what I'm saying to the police and to you is that it didn't happen. It isn't true. No one tried to kill you. No one shot back those bolts. When you reached the trapdoor you found it closed. You raised it just wide enough to slide through and climb down to Simon, but you didn't prop it up completely. You closed that door after you; either that or you partly raised it and it accidentally fell. You were terrified, you were cold and you were exhausted. You hadn't the strength to shift it.'

'And what about the motive, the photograph in the Chronicle?’

'What photograph? It was unwise of you to leave it in your shoulder-bag on the business room table. A natural oversight in your anxiety about Simon but highly convenient for me. Don't tell me that you haven't yet discovered that it's missing.'

'The police are checking with the woman who gave it to me. They'll know that I did have a press cutting. Then they'll begin searching for a duplicate.'

'Which they'll be lucky to find. And even if they do and the copy, after four years, is as clear as the one you so carelessly lost, I shall still have my defence. Obviously I have a double somewhere in England. Or he could have been a foreign visitor. Let's say that I have a double somewhere in the world. Is that so unusual? Finding any real proof that I was in the United Kingdom in 1977 will get more difficult with every month that passes. In a year or so I should have felt safe even from Clarissa. And even if they can prove I was here that doesn't make me a murderer or a murderer's accomplice. Simon Lessing's death was suicide and it was he, not I, who killed Clarissa. He confessed the truth to me before he disappeared. He fractured her skull, beat her face to pulp in his hatred and disgust, then made his escape through the bathroom window. And last night, unable any longer to face the truth of what he'd done or its consequences, he tried to kill himself. Despite your heroic attempt to save him, he succeeded. It was fortunate that he didn't take you with him. I had no hand in any of it. That, Cordelia, is my story and nothing you choose to fabricate can disprove it.'

'Why should I want to fabricate? Why should I lie?'

'That's what the police asked me. I had to reply that the imagination of young women is notoriously fertile and that you had, after all, been through an appalling experience… I added that you are the proprietress of a detective agency which – forgive me, I'm judging from externals – isn't exactly prospering. You'd have to spend a fortune to get the kind of publicity that this case will bring you if it ever comes to trial.'

'Hardly the kind of publicity anyone would want. Failure.'

'Oh, I wouldn't be too depressed about that. You showed admirable courage and intelligence. Above the call of duty is how poor George Ralston would put it. I think that George will feel that he's had value for money.'

He added:

'If you persist in going on with this it will be my word against yours. Simon's dead. Nothing can touch him further. It isn't going to be comfortable for either of us.'

Did he think that she hadn't thought of that, of the long months of waiting, the interrogations, the trauma of the trial, the speculative eyes, the verdict which could brand her as a liar, or worse, a publicity-crazed hysteric? She said:

'I know. But then I'm not much used to comfort.'

So – he was going to make a fight for it. Even as he watched her rescue last night he must have been planning, scheming, perfecting his lies. He would use every ounce of his skill, his reputation, his knowledge, his intelligence. He would hold on to his private kingdom until his last breath. She glanced up at him, at the half smile, the calm, almost exultant confidence. Already he was rejoicing in the release from boredom, buoyant with the euphoria of success. He would buy the best advice, the most prestigious lawyers. But essentially it would be his fight and he wouldn't yield an inch now or later.

And if he succeeded, how would he live with the memory of what he had done? Easily enough. As easily as Clarissa had lived with the memory of Viccy's death, Sir George with his guilt over Carl Blythe. You didn't need to believe in the sacrament of penance to find expedients for coping with guilt. She had hers; he would contrive his. And was it so very remarkable, what had happened to him? Somewhere, every minute of every day, a man or woman was suddenly faced with an overwhelming temptation. It had gone ill with Ambrose Gorringe. But what had he been able to draw upon at the core of his being which could give him the strength to resist? Perhaps if you opted out long enough from human concerns, from human life with all its messiness, you opted out also from human pity.

She said:

'Please leave me. I want you to go away.' But he didn't move. After a moment she heard him say, quietly and gently:

'I'm sorry, Cordelia. I'm sorry.'

And then, as if aware for the first time of that silent uniformed Watcher he added:

'Your first visit to Courcy Island hasn't been as happy for you as I hoped. I wish it could have been otherwise. Please forgive me.'

She knew that this was the only admission that he would ever make. It had no validity in law. It would never be given in evidence. But she believed, almost despite herself, that it had been sincere.

She watched him as he walked briskly towards his castle. At the doorway Chief Inspector Grogan appeared and moved out to meet him. Without speaking they went inside together.

And still she sat and waited. A uniformed officer, painfully young and with the face of a Donatello angel, came across to her. He blushed and said:

'There's a telephone call for you, Miss Gray. In the library.'

Miss Maudsley was trying hard not to sound fussed but her voice was close to panic.

'Oh, Miss Gray, I do hope it's all right to call you. The young man who answered said that it was. He was so helpful. But I wondered when you'll be coming home. There's a new case just in. It's terribly urgent, a lost Siamese kitten, a seal point. It belongs to a child who is just out of hospital after her leukaemia treatment and she's only had it a week. It was a coming-home present. She's dreadfully distressed. Bevis is at another audition. If I go there's no one to look rafter the office. And Mrs Sutcliffe has just rung. Her Pekinese, Nanki-Poo, is lost again. She wants someone to go round at once.'