Scott Turow - The Burden of Proof

But for now he knew that the years-the virtual half of an adult lifetime-of recriminations, of ambivalent efforts with Peter were past.

He would greet his son always with absolute cordiality-he owed his mother's memory that much and he knew that they would forever regard one another with pain. But something essential was over; he was done, he saw, awaiting improvement, acceptance, or change.

He was ready to leave now, but he had learned in the law that the pronouncement of judgments mattered, perhaps more than anything else.

"Peter, I shall say this once. What you have done is unforgivable. It is wholly immoral. And, as important; you have risked unlimited misery for everyone in this family."

Peter took this in quietly, but finally made a sound to himself and once or twice bobbed his head.

"That's what Mom thought. She was terrified. It was the dumbest move of my life, telling her." Peter looked up.

"I'm sure it was the last straw." His face was divided by a visible palsy, a tremor of contained emotion. It came to Stern then, a clear realization that, whatever the impact of the awful judgments which Peter applied to others, he afflicted them most severely on himself. He had bid his mother, the dearest soul in his life, farewell for eternity, with her parting expression One of withered hope and dashed beliefs.

There was no denying biology. Stern found himself terribly moved by his son and his now interminable anguish.

He stepped toward the door.

"What are you going to do, Dad? What's going to happen?"

Peter, like sons always, still wanted to believe that his father was a man of infinite resources, perfect solutions, Just now, however, Stern had no ideas at all.

MARTA returned home sometime after ten. From his recliner in the solarium, Stern heard her enter, humming faintly, off-key. Alone among the.,. ',I. Stern family, Marta had had a good day. She came back from the courthouse ebullient. 'Even she couldn't' stand it,' said Marta about Klonsky. She was thrilled to think she had converted a prosecutor. Back at the office, she had called George Mason with the news, then dictated their brief to Judge Winchell.

Finished with that, Marta asked, offhandedly, if there were cases around the office on which she could lend a hand while she was looking for a job. Pay by the hour. Stern, after a moment's reflection, decided his thought was too hopeful and referred her to Sondra.

By the afternoon Marta had set herself up in the one empty office and w.as examining the flood of files recently received in connection with the new government fraud case, writing longhand or chatting happily on the telephone whenever Stern wandered by. Marta seemed to live her life like, an appliance. Plug her in anywhere and she operated on full current. His daughter amazed him, but his soul still soared at the thought of having her company. They would continue this way for some weeks. He would be himself, and hold his breath. And would this prospect even have been possible had Clara lived? No, he decided after an instant, not really.

There were many reasons Marta suddenly found the tri-cities attractive, and not the least of them, in all likelihood, was the fact that her mother was gone. So, he thought, goes the heartsore arithmetic of human events. Loss and gain.

Now, in the solarium, he closed his eyes when he heard her approach.

"Are you asleep?" she whispered. He could feel her creep close, but did not stir. Tonight he was not prepared for any further commerce with his children, even Marta. He remained inert, listening as she trod the stairs.

He had no thought of sleep, no inclination. Around one, he moved to the kitchen and sat under the green glass shade over the breakfast table, sipping sherry, as he had the night Clara was discovered. He was past judgments for the time being. Nor was he absorbed yet with the trigonometries of possible solutions. Instead, he sat, deliberating, taking stock, mourning again, up to his chin in the heavy glop of something like heartbreak, which held him fast as quicksand.

Near 5:30 a.m., he crept upstairs, showered, and dressed.

He percolated coffee and warmed a roll from the freezer.

Then he headed downtown, to the refuge of work and the office. He entered through the back door and stood still.

There was, once more, some faint sign of disturbance. Dixon was back.

He was on the sofa in Stern's office, upright this time, but asleep. His fancy loafers were off, carefully paired, not far from where the safe still remained, and he had slept with his legs crossed at the ankle. He wore a rawsilk sport coat-the air conditioning had apparently been left on high overnight and the room was ch'dled-and his arms were thrown out wide along the top of the nubby offwhite fabric of the sofa cushions.

His chin rested on the bold paRera of his tropical shin.

Stern stood' before the dark glass of his desk, silently lifting the stacks of papers from his attache case.

"You must have thought that was pretty goddamn funny the other day."

Dixon spoke clearly, but he had not moved.

"That bullshit with the safe? 'You deceive me, Dixon." He opened his eyes. "Like you're some fucking oracle." Putting a hand to his neck, he craned his head about."You must have been laughing your ass off. Since you'd already ' pawed through the thing."

"Ah," said Stern. Silvia. A breach of security.

"I got a bill from the guy who fixed the back door. You should have heard your sister. 'Oh, that's from Alejandro." La di da." He had briefly adopted a falsetto. "Like, Oh, didn't I mention that my brother hired a goon to kick the door in. Four hundred bucks, by the way. I expect you to pay."

Dixon had his fearsome, lightless look and a haggard appearance. He was unshaven and visibly weary; his eyes seemed shrunken within the dark orbits. Reminded, he asked Stern to dial his home. Stern pressed a button on the speed dial and handed him the phone, while he left to put up coffee in the small kitchen down the hall. When he returned, Dixon was just bidding Silvia goodbye.

"Your sister say you and I have to stop meeting like this."

Dixon laughed, Silvia's humor was awkward, but Dixon adored it. "I see you're not in jail."

Stern lifted both hands to show off his entire large form.

"I called Marta," said Dixon. "She said your girlfriend there, what's-her-name, saved your ass."

"For the tune being," said Stern. "Festivities will resume next week.

Will you come to visit me?"

"Visit you," muttered Dixon. "What's your game, Stern?"

"My game?" He revolved fully to consider his brother-inlaw, a courtroom turn. "Have you found another lawyer, Dixon?"

"I don't want another lawyer. I changed my mind."

"You need another attorney, Dixon. A lawyer and client must have confidence' in one another."

"I have confidence in you."

"But I, Dixon, have no confidence in you or your character or your motives. You are a vain, disloyal, deceitful man.

You are a terrible client and, if you care, a wretched friend." ',, Dixon blinked a bit and rubbed his eyes' "I'm not.a friend," said Dixon finally. He still had no idea what was going on, and he smiled weakly. "I'm a relation. You can't get rid of me."

"On the contrary. I am exhausted by the mysteries of your affairs. And your disdain for me."

"Disdain?"

"Among the legion of resentments I bear you, Dixon, I believe that none is greater than this: there is no person in the world who has better insight into Clara's death than you. And you have kept those details to yourself.

Undoubtedly for your own good, to serve some misbegotten and bewildering personal agenda."

"You're jerked off because I didn't mention that check she gave me."

Stern did not answer.

"And there's really a simple explanation."