Джорджетт Хейер - A Blunt Instrument

A woman sat at an escritoire, writing, the light of a reading-lamp touching her gold hair with fire. She wore evening dress, and a brocade cloak hung over the back of her chair. Neville regarded her thoughtfully for a moment, and then stepped into the room.

She looked up quickly, and gave a sobbing gasp of shock. The fright of her eyes gave place almost immediately to an expression of relief. Colour rushed into her lovely face; she caught her hand to her breast, saying faintly: 'Neville! Oh, how you startled me!"

"That's nothing to what I've been through tonight," replied Neville. "Such fun and games at Greystones, my dear: you wouldn't believe!"

She shut her blotter upon her half-finished letter. "You haven't got them?" she asked, between eagerness and incredulity.

"All I've got is the jitters," said Neville. He strolled over to her, and to her surprise went down on his knee.

"Neville, what on earth - ?"

His hand clasped her ankle. "Let's have a look at your foot, my sweet." He pulled it up and studied her silver kid shoe. "O my prophetic soul! Now we are in a mess, aren't we? Just like your pretty little slippers." He let her go, and stood up.

Swift alarm dilated her eyes. She glanced down at her shoes, and twitched the folds of her frock over them. "What do you mean?"

"Can it, precious. You called on Ernie tonight, and hid behind a bush outside the study window."

"How did you know?" she asked quickly.

"Intuition. You might have left it to me. What was the use of dragging me into it if you were going to muscle in? God knows I was unwilling enough."

"That's just it. I didn't think you'd be any good. You're so unreliable, and I knew you hated doing it."

"Oh, I did, and I am, and I wasn't any good, but all the same it was damned silly of you not to give me a run for my money. Did you get them, by the way?"

"No. He only - laughed, and - oh, you know!"

"Well isn't that nice!" said Neville. "Did you happen to knock him on the head?"

"Oh, don't be silly!" she said impatiently.

"If that's acting, it's good," said Neville, looking at her critically. "Did you see who did?"

She was frowning. "Did I see who did what?"

"Knocked Ernie on the head. My pretty ninny, Ernie's been murdered."

A sound between a scream and a whimper broke from her. "Neville! Oh no! Nerrille, you don't mean that!"

He looked at her with a smile lilting on his mouth. "Didn't you know?"

Her eyes searched his, while the colour receded slowly from her face. "I didn't do it!" she gasped.

"I shouldn't think you'd have the strength," he agreed.

They were interrupted by the opening of the door. A slim young woman with a cluster of brown curls, a monocle screwed into her left eye, entered the room, saying calmly: "Did you call, Helen?" Her gaze alighted on Neville; she said with every appearance of disgust: "Oh, you're here, are you?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't have been if I'd known you were, hell-cat," responded Neville sweetly.

Miss Drew gave a contemptuous snort, and looked critically at her sister. "You look absolutely gangrenous," she remarked. "Anything the matter?"

Helen North's hands twisted nervously together. "Ernie Fletcher's been murdered."

"Good!" said Miss Drew, unperturbed. "Neville come to tell you?"

Helen shuddered. "Oh don't! It's awful, awful!"

"Personally," said Miss Drew, taking a cigarette from the box on the table, and fitting it into a long holder, "I regard it as definitely memorable. I hate men with super polished manners, and charming smiles. Who killed him?"

"I don't know! You can't think I know!" Helen cried. "Sally! - Neville! - oh, my God!" She looked wildly from one to the other, and sank down on to a sofa, burying her face in her hands.

"If it's an act, it's a good one," said Neville. "If not, it's mere waste of time. Do stop it, Helen! you're making me feel embarrassed."

Sally regarded him with disfavour. "You don't seem to be much upset," she said.

"You didn't see me an hour ago," replied Neville. "I even lost my poise."

She sniffed, but merely said: "You'd better tell me all about it. It might be good copy."

"What a lovely thought!" said Neville. "Ernie has not died in vain."

"I've always wanted to be in on a real murder," remarked Sally thoughtfully. "How was he killed?"

"He had his head smashed," replied Neville.

Helen gave a moan, but her sister nodded with all the air of a connoisseur. "A blow from a blunt instrument," she said. "Any idea who did it?"

"No, but Helen may have."

Helen lifted her head. "I tell you I wasn't there!"

"Your shoes belie you, sweet."

"Yes, yes, but not when he was killed! I wasn't, I tell you, I wasn't!"

The monocle dropped out of Miss Drew's eye. She screwed it in again, bending a searching gaze upon her sister. "What do you mean - "yes, but not when he was killed"? Have you been round to Greystones tonight?"

Helen seemed uncertain how to answer, but after a moment she said: "Yes. Yes, I did go round to see Ernie.

I - I got sick of the noise of your typewriter, for one thing, and, for another, I - I wanted particularly to see him." "Look here!" said Sally, "you may as well spill it now as later! - what is there between you and Ernie F'letcher?"

"As a purist," said Neville, "I must take exception to your use of the present tense."

She rounded on him. "I suppose you're in on it, whatever it is? Then you'll dam' well tell me."

"It isn't what you think!" Helen said quickly. "Truly, it isn't, Sally! Oh, I admit I liked him, but not - not enough for that!"

"If you can tell Neville the truth you can tell it to me," said Sally. "And don't pull any stuff about going to see him because of my typewriter, because it won't wash."

"Tell her," advised Neville. "She likes sordid stories."

Helen flushed. "Need you call it that?"

He sighed. "Dear pet, I told you at the outset that I considered it too utterly trite and sordid to appeal to me. Why bring that up now?"

"You don't know what it is to be desperate," she said bitterly.

"No, that's my divine detachment."

"Well, I hope you get pinched for the murder," struck in Sally. "Then what price divine detachment?"

He looked pensive. "It would be awfully interesting," he agreed. "Of course, I should preserve an outward calm, but should I quail beneath it? I hope not: if I did I shouldn't know myself any more, and that would be most uncomfortable."

Helen struck the arm of the sofa with her clenched hand. "Talk, talk, talk! What's the use of it?"

"There is nothing more sordid than the cult of utility," replied Neville. "You have a pedestrian mind, my dear."

"Oh, do shut up!" begged Sally. She went to the sofa, and sat down beside Helen. "Come on, old thing, you'd much better tell me the whole story! If you're in a jam, I'll try and get you out of it."

"You can't," Helen said wretchedly. "Ernie's got IOUs of mine, and the police are bound to discover them, and there'll be a ghastly scandal."

Sally frowned. "IOUs? Why? I mean, how did he get them? What are they for, anyway?"

"Gambling debts. Neville thinks he probably bought them."

"What on earth for?" demanded Sally, the monocle slipping out again.

Neville looked at her admiringly. "The girl has a mind like a pure white lily!" he remarked. "I am now taken aback."

Sally retorted hotly: "I haven't got any such thing! But all this price-of-dishonour business is too utterly vieux jeu! Good Lord, I wouldn't put it in any book of mine!"

"Are you an escapist?" inquired Neville solicitously. "Is that why you write improbable novels? Have you felt the banality of real life to be intolerable?"

"My novels aren't improbable! It may interest you to know that the critics consider me as one of the six most important crime novelists."