Philip Kerr - Berlin Noir

Herr Lehmann shook his head. ‘I’m afraid that there is only one kind of labour for which Johannes and his National Socialist government think a woman is qualified, and that’s the kind she has at the end of a nine-month term.’ He lit his pipe and puffed philosophically. ‘Anyway,’ he said. ‘I suppose they’ll be applying for one of those Reich Marriage Loans, and that would stop her from working, wouldn’t it?’

‘Yes, I suppose you’re right,’ I said, and downed the chaser. I saw his face say that he never had me marked as a drunk and so I said, ‘Don’t let this stuff fool you, Herr Lehmann. I just use it as a mouthwash, only I’m too damned lazy to spit the stuff out.’ He chuckled at that, and slapped me on the back and ordered us two large ones. We drank those and I asked him where the happy couple were going on their sparkle.

‘To the Rhine,’ he said. ‘Wiesbaden. Frau Lehmann and myself went to Königstein for ours. It’s a lovely part of the world. He’s not long back, though, and then he’s off on some Strength Through Joy trip, courtesy of the Reich Labour Service.’

‘Oh? Where to?’

‘Mediterranean.’

‘You believe that?’

The old man frowned. ‘No,’ he said grimly. ‘I haven’t mentioned it to Dagmarr, but I reckon he’s off to Spain…’

‘… and war.’

‘And war, yes. Mussolini has helped Franco, so Hitler’s not going to miss out on the fun, is he? He won’t be happy until he’s got us into another bloody war.’

After that we drank some more, and later on I found myself dancing with a nice little stocking-buyer from Grunfeld’s Department Store. Her name was Carola and I persuaded her to leave with me and we went over to Dagmarr and Buerckel to wish them luck. It was rather odd, I thought, that Buerckel should choose that moment to make a reference to my war record.

‘Dagmarr tells me that you were on the Turkish front.’ Was he, I wondered, a little bit worried about going to Spain? ‘And that you won an Iron Cross.’

I shrugged. ‘Only a second class.’ So that was it, I thought; the flyer was hungry for glory.

‘Nevertheless,’ he said, ‘an Iron Cross. The Führer’s Iron Cross was a second class.’

‘Well, I can’t speak for him, but my own recollection is that provided a soldier was honest – comparatively honest – and served at the front, it was really rather easy towards the end of the war to collect a second class. You know, most of the first-class medals were awarded to men in cemeteries. I got my Iron Cross for staying out of trouble.’ I was warming to my subject. ‘Who knows,’ I said. ‘If things work out, you might collect one yourself. It would look nice on a handsome tunic like that.’

The muscles in Buerckel’s lean young face tightened. He bent forwards and caught the smell of my breath.

‘You’re drunk,’ he said.

‘Si,’ I said. Unsteady on my feet, I turned away. ‘ Adios, hombre .’

It was late, gone one o’clock, when finally I drove back to my apartment in Trautenaustrasse, which is in Wilmersdorf, a modest neighbourhood, but still a lot better than Wedding, the district of Berlin in which I grew up. The street itself runs north-east from Guntzelstrasse past Nikolsburger Platz, where there is a scenic sort of fountain in the middle of the square. I lived, not uncomfortably, at the Prager Platz end.

Ashamed of myself for having teased Buerckel in front of Dagmarr, and for the liberties I had taken with Carola the stocking-buyer in the Tiergarten near the goldfish pond, I sat in my car and smoked a cigarette thoughtfully. I had to admit to myself that I had been more affected by Dagmarr’s wedding than previously I would have thought possible. I could see there was nothing to be gained by brooding about it. I didn’t think that I could forget her, but it was a safe bet that I could find lots of ways to take my mind off her.

It was only when I got out of the car that I noticed the large dark-blue Mercedes convertible parked about twenty metres down the street, and the two men who were leaning on it, waiting for someone. I braced myself as one of the men threw away his cigarette and walked quickly towards me. As he drew nearer I could see that he was too well-groomed to be Gestapo and that the other one was wearing a chauffeur’s uniform, although he would have looked a lot more comfortable in a leopard-skin leotard, with his music-hall weightlifter’s build. His less than discreet presence lent the well-dressed and younger man an obvious confidence.

‘Heir Gunther? Are you Herr Bernhard Gunther?’ He stopped in front of me and I shot him my toughest look, the sort that would make a bear blink: I don’t care for people who solicit me outside my house at one in the morning.

‘I’m his brother. He’s out of town right now.’ The man smiled broadly. He didn’t buy that.

‘Herr Gunther, the private investigator? My employer would like a word with you.’ He pointed at the big Mercedes. ‘He’s waiting in the car. I spoke to the concierge and she told me that you were expected back this evening. That was three hours ago, so you can see we’ve been waiting quite some time. It really is very urgent.’

I lifted my wrist and nicked my eyes at my watch.

‘Friend, it’s 1.40 in the morning, so whatever it is you’re selling, I’m not interested. I’m tired and I’m drunk and I want to go to bed. I’ve got an office on Alexanderplatz, so do me a favour and leave it till tomorrow.’

The young man, a pleasant, fresh-faced fellow with a buttonhole, blocked my path. ‘It can’t wait until tomorrow,’ he said, and then smiled winningly. ‘Please speak to him, just for a minute, I beg you.’

‘Speak to whom?’ I growled, looking over at the car.

‘Here’s his card.’ He handed it over and I stared stupidly at it like it was a winning raffle-ticket. He leaned over and read it for me, upside-down. ‘“Dr Fritz Schemm, German Lawyer, of Schemm & Schellenberg, Unter den Linden, Number 67.” That’s a good address.’

‘Sure it is,’ I said. ‘But a lawyer out at this time of night and from a smart firm like that? You must think I believe in fairies.’ But I followed him to the car anyway. The chauffeur opened the door. Keeping one foot on the running board, I peered inside. A man smelling of cologne leaned forward, his features hidden in the shadows, and when he spoke, his voice was cold and inhospitable, like someone straining on a toilet-bowl.

‘You’re Gunther, the detective?’

‘That’s right,’ I said, ‘and you must be -’ I pretended to read his business card, ‘- Dr Fritz Schemm, German Lawyer.’ I uttered the word ‘German’ with a deliberately sarcastic emphasis. I’ve always hated it on business cards and signs because of the implication of racial respectability; and even more so now that – at least as far as lawyers are concerned – it is quite redundant, since Jews are forbidden to practise law anyway. I would no more describe myself as a ‘German Private Investigator’ than I would call myself a ‘Lutheran Private Investigator’ or an ‘Antisocial Private Investigator’ or a ‘Widowed Private Investigator’, even though I am, or was at one time, all of these things (these days I’m not often seen in church). It’s true that a lot of my clients are Jews. Their business is very profitable (they pay on the nail), and it’s always the same – Missing Persons. The results are pretty much the same too: a body dumped in the Landwehr Canal courtesy of the Gestapo or the S A; a lonely suicide in a rowboat on the Wannsee; or a name on a police list of convicts sent to a K Z, a Concentration Camp. So right away I didn’t like this lawyer, this German Lawyer.