Shannen Camp - The Breakup Artist

Project “Alex Swensen” was in full swing by the time I pulled into the parking lot on Wednesday morning. David had scoped out the perfect spot where he could keep an eye on what was going on and sweep in at just the right moment. No matter what happened, today was a pivotal moment for this job, and a lot rested on exactly how I played the whole thing.

I emerged from my car in a dark blue lace tank top and a short white skirt. I passed David in the parking lot briefly, but we didn’t acknowledge each other’s presence, though I could have sworn I heard him say something about how I looked like a sailor. I wanted to turn around and shoot some counter attack about how he had dressed like a rich kid today, but I had to stay focused on the job. I had a very expensive looking, but very fake diamond necklace around my neck, and I had curled my hair once more, letting it fall wildly around my face.

David and I had both gotten to school a bit late that day and therefore had to wait until break to perform the entire scene. It worked out better that way, in my opinion, because having more time was always an advantage. It left room for mistakes. I walked to my class, taking note of the various prom posters around school. They all advertised the same date: May 17. It was only four days from now-this Saturday night. I wondered fleetingly if David would ask me, or if I even wanted him to ask me. Prom seemed like such a trivial ritual, but it would be fun to go. I had never been to a dance before, and while I was sure actually dancing was out of the question, it would be nice to get all dressed up with David.

I spent my entire class texting David to make sure he was ready for everything. He quickly reminded me that it wasn’t hard to strut in and act like he loved me. This made me smile and blush deeply, which didn’t escape the notice of my teacher. I tried to keep my emotions more at bay for the rest of the class but continued to text David any time my teacher wasn’t looking.

By the time I left class and headed toward the tennis courts, I was feeling like a secret agent. I was even considering coming up with my own theme music when a look at Alex brought me back to the here and now. I noticed with some apprehension that his friends weren’t flanking him as they normally were. I started to wonder if I had overestimated my charm. Alex wore an odd expression that I couldn’t really understand, and I was slowly becoming convinced that he had found out the entire plan and had dismissed his cronies to beat me to a pulp, or something equally as horrible. Knowing him, that “equally as horrible’” thing would have something to do with discontinuing my nonexistent trust fund.

“Marie?” he said as I approached, and I wondered if he was looking for confirmation of my identity or simply a nod to show I was listening. I opted for the nod. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot these past couple days,” he began, and I could almost taste the victory. I even felt a bit bad, since he seemed to possibly care about me.

“Have you?” I said noncommittally.

“Yes… and I’ve been thinking that we could be good for each other. I mean, with my family’s connections and your family’s connections, we could do anything.” Oh, how romantic. He wanted to date me because we could plot to take over the world together. That’s what every girl wants out of a relationship.

“Really? Because I was beginning to get the impression that you and Rachel might still be together,” I said, wanting him to actually tell me that he had broken up with her.

“Me? No, I’m not with Rachel anymore,” he said casually.

“Is that so?” I said simply, assuming with some relief that this meant he and Rachel were officially broken up. I hadn’t been able to actually confirm this fact since Rachel seemed too busy to take my calls all of a sudden. Shaking the thoughts from my mind and turning my focus back to Alex, I smiled, trying not to let him see my distaste for him. I was desperate for David to sweep in and bail me out, but he hadn’t come yet and I couldn’t quite understand why.

“So, with that out of the way, I was wondering if you would want to be my girlfriend. Just imagine how much influence we’d have. No doors would be locked to us.” This boy’s method of romancing a girl really wasn’t a flowers and chocolates approach, was it? I waited for a moment, trying to look like I was thinking it over, while in reality I was waiting for David to make his big entrance. Suddenly I was beginning to panic, wondering if maybe he thought we were doing it at lunch and was just waiting for me by the library. I looked around nervously, but I couldn’t spot him anywhere.

“Your girlfriend?” I repeated, trying to buy myself some time to think.

“Yeah. I really do think it’s a good match, and I’m sure our parents would agree.”

“Well, there’s no denying that,” I said enthusiastically, still waiting for David to rescue me from the clutches of Stock Exchange Boy.

“So, what do you say?” he asked, obviously a bit put-off by the fact that I hadn’t answered him in the affirmative right away.

“I say… um… that’s a really generous offer…” I trailed off, not quite sure where to go from there.

“But one she sadly can’t accept,” said the sandy blond-haired boy who had suddenly appeared right beside me. I didn’t have to fake my relief at the sight of him, though I wanted to stomp on his foot for taking so long.

“Jackson, what on earth are you doing here?” I asked, my face the epitome of astonishment. “I thought your parents took you on holiday to… to… Paris.” I had forgotten my line, apparently, but I thought my recovery was convincing enough.

“I told them to fly me back early when I realized I was going to miss your birthday, honey bear.” I had to choke back a laugh at David’s moment of improv. We had definitely not decided on disgusting pet names, though I wouldn’t mind giving him a taste of his own medicine.

“Well, I’m so glad you did, snuggle bunny,” I said in the most pathetic baby voice I could manage. Alex looked as if he wanted to vomit, which I couldn’t blame him for. If I thought someone was seriously calling her significant other snuggle bunny, I’d have to run for a trash can too. David looked as if he wouldn’t last much longer. His stomach was shaking with the effort of holding his laughter in. “Sorry, Alex, I didn’t know I was sending that kind of signal to you. But I swear, it’s not you, it’s me…” I shrugged innocently and took David’s hand.

“Let’s go make birthday preparations on my yacht,” David added enthusiastically, making it difficult for me to keep my expression neutral. “It was lovely to meet you, Andre,” he said over his shoulder as we left. If David hadn’t done a relatively thorough background check to show me that, until Rachel, who was even more well-connected than him, Alex had been quite the player, I would have felt slightly bad about the whole thing.

“Honey bear?” I asked, as we walked down the hallway to the now familiar spot by the library. David laughed loudly at his own cleverness and messed his hair up, loosening the gel that had kept it slicked back for our little show.

“Honey bear is nothing compared to snuggle bunny. Where did you even get that from?” he asked incredulously.

“Just by looking at you, lovekins,” I said, pinching his cheek as we stood at our spot. Sitting was out of the question in my short skirt.

“All things considered, I think that went pretty well,” he told me, after disheveling his hair to his satisfaction.

“It would have gone better if you had actually come in when you were supposed to,” I said accusingly. “What took you so long?”