Shannen Camp - The Breakup Artist

“Okay,” I said, still wondering why someone like Rachel McKlintock was approaching me.

“I have a job for you. I need to-”

“Oh no… sorry, I don’t do that anymore,” I said definitely. I didn’t even want to let her get any further than that into her speech, or I just might not be able to say no.

“Since when?” she asked, the perfect picture of indignity. After all, she was Rachel McKlintock. Shouldn’t everyone fall at her feet, ready to serve her?

“Since two hours ago,” I said, waving her aside so I could get into my locker. She didn’t budge… not that I had really expected her to.

“Well, what if I told you I was willing to pay a bit more than you normally charge?” she said. I knew she was going to say that, which was exactly why I didn’t want her to go on talking. I groaned and looked around to make sure David wasn’t there to witness this moment of weakness. It wasn’t that I was actually considering listening to her proposal, but if she was going to throw it at me, I didn’t have much of a choice. I could just refuse anyway.

“I’ll give you five hundred dollars,” she said, waiting for my reaction to this. My reaction was just what she likely had expected it to be. My eyes grew wide, and I stared at her in disbelief. “Here’s the thing,” she went on, not waiting for me to speak, “I’ve been dating this boy Alex because he’s rich.” Well, that was extreme honesty-at least she was able to admit it. “I guess he’s cute and everything, but I’m just not that into him anymore. But my mom is so obsessed with me marrying him because if our families were joined by marriage it’ll make her look good at the country club or something bogus like that.” I suddenly felt like I was back in the Victorian period where someone was promised to someone else because his or her parents thought it was a good idea. I didn’t have any pity for Rachel, though. Somehow she just wasn’t exactly a pitiable person.

“So break up with him,” I said, pointing out the obvious, for which I was sure she’d have a great excuse as to why this was impossible.

“My mom won’t let me. I’ve told her a million times that I don’t like Alex anymore, but she just doesn’t get it. Unless he leaves me for someone, there’s just no way I can get out of this. Even Daddy won’t listen to me.” She pouted slightly at this. Oh poor girl, even daddy wouldn’t listen. How horrible her life must be.

“I’m really sorry about your… uh… situation, but I just can’t help you. I’m quitting the business. Sorry.” I tried once again to get into my locker, and she blocked me once more. This ritual was truly becoming old, and I crossed my arms in front of my chest and raised my eyebrows at the girl before me, almost asking for a reason to forcibly remove her from my locker.

“You seriously won’t just take this one job for five hundred dollars?” she asked me, wondering why I was being so unreasonable in the face of so much money. Honestly, I was wondering that exact same thing, but I couldn’t take the job after I swore to David that I wouldn’t. That would make me just like all of the other girls I’d helped in the past. It would make my word cheap and our relationship and the trust it was built off of even cheaper.

“I seriously won’t,” I responded, matching her whiny yet authoritative tone. I turned to walk away, figuring I could live with keeping my math book in my backpack until tomorrow, when the girl grabbed me by the arm. I hate when people do that. It made me feel like a child being scolded. “What?” I shouted at her, causing her to jump a bit and heads to turn for just a second.

“One thousand,” she said simply, and I wondered if I was hearing her correctly. I could have sworn she had just offered to give me one thousand dollars to break up with her boyfriend. It was a job that would probably take a day. I looked around me once more to see if David was nearby. Knowing him, he would be waiting by my car just so he could spend a few extra minutes with me. David. My wonderful, trusting boyfriend who helped me out when I needed him most. The one who wouldn’t think I’d go back on my word because I’d promised him I’d stop my business. He was nowhere to be found, and I was pretty sure I was just about to sell my soul to the devil. And the devil was tapping her very expensive shoe on the concrete floor impatiently.

I pulled a blank fact sheet out of my backpack, having never gotten around to throwing them all away, and handed it to her. “Email me with this information and your phone number and don’t come to school tomorrow. Fake sick,” I said, feeling pretty scummy. I didn’t think even David could argue with doing just one more job when it was paying so well. But did that mean I should tell him and risk having to give the job up?

“I’ll bring you the money on Monday,” she said matter-of-factly, as if $1,000 was like pocket change. I nodded wordlessly and watched her walk to the school parking lot. I knew I was lower than scum, but I just couldn’t seem to think clearly. In the face of such an offer what else was I supposed to do? But should I expect David to understand that, or should I just keep it to myself on the off chance that he’d react badly?

I walked to my car dismally and sure enough David was waiting there, his face lighting up as he saw me approaching.

“What took you so long?” he asked, pulling me against him. He kissed my neck, making me feel worse and worse about my decision with every wonderful thing he said or did. “Do you want to come over to my house today? I kind of want you to meet my parents.” On any other day that should have made me feel magnificent, but as it was I just felt like it was a knife in my heart.

“Actually, I’m not feeling too well… and I’ve got a lot of math homework, so I think I’m just going to go home and work on that,” I said monotonously. David looked at me with concern and I knew what he was about to ask. “I’m fine. I’m just a little worn out. I think I’ll probably finish up my math and just go to bed early.” He kept his eyes trained on mine, the worry still evident. “Really. I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?” He nodded and gave me a quick kiss before walking to his car, and I made my way home feeling pretty bad about myself.

I woke up the next morning with blonde hair and a relatively good idea of how I was going to get rid of Alex Swensen. The fact sheet Rachel had emailed the night before read:

Name-Alex Swensen

Age-18

POI-Parties, Travel, Tennis

Deadline-One week

Though this description of Alex was fairly predictable and extremely stereotypical of what I’d always thought rich kids were like, it gave me something to go off of. For style I’d just copy Rachel and hope that Alex was relatively dim as far as conversation went. If he started talking about Italy or nineteenth-century European art, I was screwed. My wardrobe for the day consisted of a purple, sleeveless, high collared Victorian style top with ruffles down the front and a short black pleated skirt. I wore plain black flats on my feet and a sparkly purple rhinestone bracelet to tie the whole thing together. I pulled my bangs back on top of my head then pushed them forward with some bobby pins to give it that “rock star poof” (as I always called it) and curled the rest so that it fell in natural-looking ringlets around my face.

The effect was pretty flattering, but I wasn’t sure what David would make of it. Through all of my plotting and planning the night before, I still hadn’t come up with a way to keep David out of the picture. I thought that maybe if I could just stay away from our normal spot, he wouldn’t even know I was at school. I had called him the night before and told him that I was starting to feel really sick and that I wouldn’t be in school the next day. It was the exact same thing I was sure Rachel was doing at that moment. My only hope for pulling this off was that David wouldn’t be looking for a blonde, and so hopefully he wouldn’t be able to spot me. Another little detail that worked in my favor was the fact that Rachel and Alex apparently hung out by the tennis courts near the football field, far away from the library. I could use the south entrance instead of the east entrance so that I wouldn’t run into David at all.