Dorothy Cannell - The Widows Club

“As you wish, madam.” William’s tone was reproving.

No matter. I absolutely would not see Ben’s assistant, even though he was my cousin Freddy. After all, he had failed me in the Cooking Crisis that awful day…

William ushered me into a small room. The words Coffee Parlour were engraved on the brass doorplate, but the room was designed for afternoon tea as well as morning coffee. It was softly lit by brass wall lamps shaded in pink silk. Warm and rosy shadows played upon the stuccoed walls between the age-blackened beams. I wished I could get warm.

“Some hot buttered toast with your tea, Mrs. Haskell?”

“Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

I had grown adept at lies of this sort. Besides, I had been afraid to eat ever since it happened, in case I couldn’t stop. Ben had never fully understood my feeling that my new, svelte body was only on loan and that at any minute I might have to give it back. He had accused me of resenting the fact that people had stopped oohing and aahing over the change in me. He had… but so many things had not helped our relationship and then, of course, there had been the Terrible Row.

When William left, I parted the curtains and rubbed at a spot on the pane. Parked across the street was the hearse. My heart thumped. Dropping the curtain, I sank back into my chair. I must try to get a decent night’s sleep. If I didn’t, my nerves would go from bad to worse; I would end up in The Peerless Nursing Home, run by the notorious Dr. Simon Bordeaux.

William must have left the door ajar because I had not heard it open. I could feel, rather than hear, his footsteps. Ben always said the best waiters moved like burglars. I stifled a yawn. Perhaps I would sleep tonight. I couldn’t even summon the energy to turn my head. A scent of rain-drenched wreaths-flowering and over-sweet-filled the air. The tea would help revitalize me. A hand crashed down on my shoulder, and my scream filled up all of Abigail’s empty rooms.

“My dear, I am so sorry I startled you,” said a feathery female voice.

“Really, Primrose,” came a crisp admonishment. “How often have I warned you against popping up like that on people? You might have given the girl a heart attack. And we are in the business of saving lives, remember!”

Clutching the tablecloth, I looked upon two elderly ladies. One had dyed black hair swept into a cone on top of her head. Earrings shaped like miniature daggers sliced back and forth against her neck. Her velvet bolero and taffeta skirt were straight from a thrift shop. Her companion was more conventionally dressed in a tweed suit and violet jumper, but small pink bows ornamented her silvery curls and she sported an enormous Mickey Mouse watch. Her eyes were limpid blue in a crumpled face. She was the one drenched in toilet water. As I stared, the black-haired one delved into a carpetbag strikingly decorated with beaded peacocks.

“Here, Primrose.” She held out a dark purple vial. “What a blessing I remembered to bring your smelling salts.”

“How very dear, Hyacinth. But I do not believe I feel the need-”

“Not you, dear. Poor Mrs… Haskell.”

The bottle lay in my palm.

“Do you ladies own and operate a hearse?”

“We do.” They spoke in unison. “May we”-they laid their coats on a serving trolley and gestured toward my table-“may we join you?”

I turned the smelling salt bottle over. It was at least fifty years old and rather pretty with that lattice cutwork. I remembered having seen an identical one in Delacorte’s Antiques a month ago.

“Yes, do sit down. I’m interested in why you tailed me down Cliff Road and…” William entered with the teapot, three porcelain cups and saucers on a tray.

The black-haired woman crooked a finger at him. “Most welcome, Butler. Put the china down in front of me, please. Poor Mrs. Haskell is a little unsteady. I think it best that I pour.”

What an officious woman! I didn’t mind her taking the head of the table, but I did mind her addressing Ben’s waiter like a second footman in the baronial hall. Unruffled, he smoothed back the curtain I had moved.

“The toasted tea cakes are delayed, madams.” He inclined his head. “A minor combustion occurred in the kitchen.”

“Brought under control, I trust?” warbled the silver-haired lady. “This has already been a most difficult day.” Fishing a lace-edged handkerchief out of her bag, she dabbed at her blue eyes. “Not that the funeral wasn’t wonderful. Exactly what one would wish for oneself, don’t you agree, Hyacinth? Superbly mournful hymns and so very handsome a clergyman. A bachelor, I heard.” She lowered the hanky a half inch. “Butler, would it be possible to provide some brandy for the tea?” She turned to address me. “My sister and I find neat tea rather acid-forming.”

“How very-”

“At once, Miss Primrose.” He picked up their coats and folded them over his arm. “The house offers an unassuming but spirited cognac that I believe your late father would not have been h’ashamed-ashamed-to serve.”

My jaw dropped a notch.

The black-haired lady reached out to pat my hand, still clenched around the smelling salt bottle. I flinched.

“You surmise correctly, Mrs. Haskell. William Butler is in our employ.”

The carpetbag was rummaged through again. “Mrs. Haskell, our professional card.”

It lay in my hand, heavy and sharp-edged.

Flowers Detection.

Specializing in crimes with a difference.

Miss Hyacinth Tramwell, President;

Miss Primrose Tramwell, Chairperson.

No Divorce

“You’re private detectives?”

“You didn’t guess? Splendid.” The silver-haired lady caught the smelling salt bottle neatly as it toppled. “As for Butler-when Hyacinth and I are in residence at Cloisters, Flaxby Meade, he performs those services suited to his name. In our professional engagements, he assists us in ways even better suited to his talents.”

Butler made me a deferential bow. “I am an ex-burglar. Madam. And so I have an understanding of the criminal mind.”

These people were strange, genteelly so, but I definitely did not wish to partake of tea cakes with them. Dragging my bag across the table, I overset the salt and pepper shakers.

“My dear, do not hurry away.” The black-haired one set the little pots to rights. “I am Miss Hyacinth Tramwell, and I speak for Primrose in saying we sincerely regret frightening you this afternoon. Do believe me that until we motored into the village and saw you in speech with the cyclist, we were unaware that it was you, Mrs. Bentley Haskell, walking ahead of us down Cliff Road. It was in hopes of making your acquaintance that we attended the funeral. We were exceedingly disappointed when you left precipitously.”

I gripped the table edge. “Why didn’t you pass me on the road?”

Primrose Tramwell lowered her silvery head. The pink bows quivered. Her cheeks matched them in hue. “This is exceedingly embarrassing, Mrs. Haskell. I have only recently begun to drive and am still learning by my mistakes-only a couple of walls and an old gardening shed, you understand-but now before I take the wheel Hyacinth gives me a refresher course on which pedal is which and what all the little knobs are for.” She fiddled with a button on her cuffs. “As for passing, I have every expectation of advancing to that stage soon.”

“The important thing, Prim, is that we have now met Mrs. Haskell.” Hyacinth spoke bracingly.

A respectful cough from Butler. “Miss Hyacinth, would you wish something more substantial than the tea cakes?”