Camilla Lackberg - The Lost Boy

As she stood there, wrapped in a blanket, her bare feet cold on the wooden floor, she had watched Matte open the door to Sam’s room. Then he turned around and gave her a look of alarm. He made her put on some clothes, telling her that they needed to go back to the mainland and summon help. Everything had happened so fast, and she had passively done as she was told. In the dream, in the world that wasn’t real, she had protested with all her heart over leaving Sam behind on the island. But neither of them had said a word as they crossed the bay in Matte’s boat.

Then they were driving in his car. Her mind felt strangely empty of all thought, except for her concern for Sam. And the fact that once again something was happening that would take him away from her. Without thinking, she had grabbed her purse from the house when they left the house and brought it along. Sitting in the car, she could feel the weight of the gun inside the purse.

As they walked towards the block of flats, an insistent buzzing had started up inside her head. Through a haze she saw Mats toss the paper bag in a litter bin. Standing in the front hall of his flat, she had reached into her purse and felt her fingers touch the cold steel. He hadn’t turned around. If he had, and she had looked into his eyes, she might have been able to stop herself. But he was moving away, with his back turned, and she had raised her hand, gripping the butt of the gun, with a finger on the trigger. A loud bang, a thud. Then not a sound.

She had to get back to Sam. That was the only thought in her head. She went back to the dock, took Matte’s boat over to the island, and then let it drift away. After that there was nothing to keep her from being with him again. Fog took over her mind. The rest of the world disappeared. The only thing left was Sam, and Gråskär, and the thought that they had to survive. That was her only refuge; otherwise nothing but emptiness remained.

Nathalie sat on the bed, staring straight ahead. In her mind she pictured Sam, holding the woman’s hand. They would take care of him now. They had promised her that.

‘Mamma!’

Emelie instantly stopped what she was doing. Then she dropped the saucepan on the floor and dashed outside as fear fluttered like a little bird inside her heart.

‘Gustav, where are you?’ She looked all around.

‘Mamma, come here!’

Now she could hear that he was calling from the shore. She lifted her heavy woollen skirts and raced over the rocks that formed a ridge in the middle of the island. From on top she saw him. He was sitting at the water’s edge, holding his foot and crying. She ran to her son and knelt at his side.

‘It hurts,’ he sobbed, pointing at his foot. A big piece of glass was sticking out of his sole.

‘Hush …’ She tried to calm her son as she thought about what to do. The shard was buried so deep. Should she pull it out right now or wait until she had something to use as a bandage?

Quickly she made up her mind.

‘We’ll go see your father.’ She glanced up at the lighthouse. Karl had gone over there a few hours ago to help Julian. She didn’t usually ask her husband for advice, but she wasn’t sure what would be the right thing to do in this situation.

She picked up Gustav, who was still sobbing pitifully. Carrying him like a baby, cradled in her arms, taking care where she set her feet. It wasn’t easy for her to carry him, now that he’d grown so big.

As they approached the lighthouse, she called out Karl’s name, but he didn’t answer. The door stood open, presumably to let in some fresh air. It could get unbearably hot inside when the sun was shining.

‘Karl!’ she called again. ‘Could you come down here, please?’

It wasn’t uncommon for him to ignore her, and she realized that she would have to make the effort of going up in the lighthouse to find him. She couldn’t carry Gustav up the steep flight of stairs, so she carefully set him down on the ground, then gently patted his cheek.

‘I’ll be right back. I’m going to get your father.’

He gave her a hopeful look and then stuck his thumb in his mouth.

Emelie was already out of breath after carrying Gustav from the shore; she tried to calm her breathing as she went up the stairs. On the stop step she paused and raised her eyes. At first she couldn’t understand what she was seeing. Why were they lying on the bed? And why didn’t they have any clothes on? She stood there, frozen to the spot, and stared. Neither of the men had heard her. All their attention was focused on each other, on the forbidden place of their bodies, and Emelie saw with growing astonishment that they were caressing each other.

She gasped, and now they noticed her. Karl looked up, and for a second their eyes met.

‘You sinners!’ Words from the Bible burned inside of her. The Holy Scriptures strictly forbade such things. Karl and Julian would bring misfortune and damnation upon themselves, and upon her and Gustav too. God would curse everyone here on Gråskär if they didn’t atone for their sins.

Karl still didn’t say anything, but it was as if he could see straight through her and knew what she was thinking. His eyes turned cold, and she heard the dead start to whisper. They told her to flee, but her feet refused to obey her. She was incapable of moving or tearing her eyes away from the naked, sweaty bodies of Julian and her husband.

The voices got louder, and something seemed to jostle her, so that she could finally move again. She raced down the stairs and picked up the sobbing Gustav. With a strength that she didn’t know she had, Emelie ran, unaware of where she was headed. She heard Karl and Julian coming after her, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to outrun them. The house wouldn’t provide any sort of safe refuge. Even if she managed to get inside and lock the door, they could easily break it open or get in through a window.

‘Emelie! Stop!’ yelled Karl behind her.

Part of her wanted to do just that. Stop and give up. And she would have done that if she had only herself to think about. But she kept going because of Gustav, who was now crying in fear as she carried him in her arms. She had no illusions that they would spare him. Gustav had never meant anything to Karl. The boy existed only to placate Karl’s father, to convince him that everything was as it should be.

It had been a long time since Emelie had thought about Edith, her confidante during those years on the farm. She should have listened to her friend’s warnings, but she had been young and naive and hadn’t wanted to see what was now crystal clear to her. Julian was the reason that Karl had returned home so abruptly from the lightship and been forced to marry the first available girl. Even a farm maid was good enough to save the family’s reputation. And everything had been arranged according to his parents’ wishes. The scandal concerning their youngest son never got out.

But Karl had duped his father. Behind his back, he had hired Julian to be his assistant on the island. He had decided it was worth the risk that he might again suffer the brunt of his father’s anger. For a moment Emelie actually found herself feeling sorry for Karl, but then she heard his footsteps getting closer and she remembered all the harsh words and blows, and the night when Gustav was conceived. He hadn’t needed to treat her so badly. But for Julian she felt no sympathy. He had a cruel heart, and he had directed all his hatred towards her from the very beginning.

No one could save her now, but Emelie’s feet kept on carrying her forward. If it were only Karl chasing her, she might have had a hope of reasoning with him. He was once a different person; he changed when he was forced to live a lie. But Julian would never let her get away. Suddenly it was very clear to her that she was going to die on this island. She and Gustav. They would never leave.