Desmond Barry - London Noir

This room was even larger. Most of the space was taken up by an enormous mattress stacked on two, maybe three divans. It was very high for a bed. Lying on top was an old woman. She must have been seventy years old if she was a day. It takes more than sixty-nine years to get that ugly. She was stark naked. And the fattest woman I had ever seen in my life.

He put the carrier bag on the bed and sat beside her. Out of the bag he took a cardboard box which was stuffed with cakes, the sort they sell in cheap bakeries, yellow sponge, bright pink icing. Tenderly he slotted a whole cake into her mouth. As soon as she finished one, he fed her another, until the box was empty. Every time a piece fell from her lips he would guide it back in with one of those broad fingers. When she was all done, he kissed her mouth, which was puffy and purple, hemorrhoidal. Then he tried moving her — with difficulty, but not unkindly — to the foot of the bed. One hundred and ninety kilos of human being, shifted centimeter by centimeter. He got her upright somehow and propped her against a mountain of cushions. She looked like a melting Buddha blancmange. He kissed her face, her breasts — the folds on her body made every part of her look like breasts — then eased her thighs apart. He aimed a remote control at the doorway. Recording equipment clicked on. Facing a camera, he began to speak. I was wrong about him being upper-class English, he was American.

“The music of the spheres. We’ve all heard that expression. Some of us — the true artists — have spent our lives trying to capture the mysterious, terrifying beauty of that siren sound, only to be dashed on the rocks. It was the scientists that discovered its source. It’s the sound waves made when a black hole sucks in and swallows a star.” At these words the old woman licked her lips and grinned. He thrust his right hand between her legs.

“There is no gain without pain. Nothing survives the black hole other than this hum, which is the deepest note ever recorded — a B-flat, oscillating to a B, but six hundred octaves deeper than anything my bass guitar can play.” He pulled his hand out abruptly, grabbed his guitar, and started to play, wet fingers slapping the thick strings. The look on his face was ecstatic.

So. Her husband was a feeder. And a gerontophile. Married to a tiny woman who looked like a child, and whose face, on our sixth and last session, I had touched with my own finger, tracing the thin bones and the delicate chin, down her neck and across her beautifully corrugated sternum, all the while whispering that I was going to help her. The question, as I asked Dino when we got in the car was, who was going to help me?

“A bass solo? And that sniffing business? Yee-uk! This dude ,” Dino stretched the word out to a good six seconds long, “doesn’t make snuff films. He makes sniff films. Snuffing them would have been kinder than a bass solo.” Dino’s eyes swung wildly from side to side. “What is wrong with Americans? Do you remember that couple Kate brought here for dinner who said they didn’t think the statue on Nelson’s column looked much like Nelson Mandela at all? And that creature — when he has a princess at home. It’s Charles and Camilla, all over again.” He rolled his eyes back in his head.

“You’d need far more sessions with a shrink than you’ll get on the NHS to figure that out,” I replied. “What was it Clint Eastwood said in Unforgiven? It’s got nothing to do with deserves. It’s all about betrayal and double-cross — my work, my life, her husband, my wife...” Maybe she’ll betray me too. Burn the whole house down like one of those big-eyed urchin paintings until there’s nothing left but a pile of ash. But if I wasn’t going to get as iced up as that freezer, right now I needed that flame. Which is why, instead of heading home after my last appointment, Dino and I were in my car, inching along Leighton Road. I parked on Lady Margaret, picked up Dino and my briefcase, and walked around the corner to the tube. By the station, as always, there was a clutter of winos perched on the benches under the glass-andiron canopy. It always struck me that there was something theatrical about this spot. Like it was some kind of project Camden Council had for out-of-work actors. Putting those insane uplighters in the pavement to illuminate the puddles of puke and piss only added to the effect.

As I approached, one of the men looked up. “I’m working hard,” he said, “although I appear to have the air of a holiday-maker.” He patted the space on the bench beside him. “Take a load off, doc. How’s it going?” I recognized him. Back in the day when I worked as a GP around the corner, he had been one of my patients. I sat down and took out the cropped headshot I’d printed from the DVD. A man at the next bench with a can of Special Brew came over and eyed me suspiciously.

“Are you a cop?”

My old patient cut in with, “How many cops have you seen with a ventriloquist’s dummy? I know him, he’s all right,” he said, and the man with the Special Brew came over.

“I know her too.” He pointed at the picture. “It’s Fat Mary.”

“Oh, my love,” his companion laughed. “That it is, and in the prime of health. And I thought she was dead. She’s not dead, is she?”

Mary, he told me, used to work King’s Cross; she had a handful of regulars who’d come to her for years. The cops left her alone mostly, but then they brought in all those community officers who shifted the girls along York Way up to the park by the astroturf football pitch. Her clients stopped coming and the younger girls gave her a rough time. Around a year ago she disappeared. Which must have been when the bass player took her in. They told me they had no clue where she was, but I already had an idea. I picked up Dino and headed for the car.

It was easy. Surprisingly easy. All you need is a computer and the medical profession behind you. The hardest part was changing the appointments; patients, psychiatric ones particularly, don’t like change. My secretary put a few of them off and crammed the real crazies into the mornings. That way I had the afternoons to myself. I didn’t spend the whole of that time with her, even though her husband was at his studio and we could work on her problems at her place, undisturbed. Like I said, I had other things to do, people to track down, plans to make. I’d lost contact with David and Malcolm many years ago, but here we all were, e-mailing each other like old friends.

I’d worked with both of them closely, way back when. It was before I started specializing in phobics. My interest back then was fetishists. David was an accountant. He was also my first feeder. Jailed for locking up and fattening up an underage girl from Poland who had answered his ad for an au pair. He said she lied to him about her age and, already on the chubby side, she looked much older than she was. He believed that she was happy with the setup. Maybe she was. It was clear he worshipped her; he waited on her hand and foot. When they sent me to see him, all he did was ask if I would look out for her and make sure she was all right. At some point after his release, when the Internet started to catch on, he set up a site for fellow fat-admirers; it might even have been the first in the UK.

He knew about Fat Mary — her picture had been posted in a number of places. Feeders took pride in their work, and there was a lot of Mary to be proud of. Most of the feeders were possessive of their gainers, but not the bass player. According to David, Mary had asked the bass player to let her bring customers in once in a while so she could make some money of her own. She said she didn’t want to spend his; the bass player apparently found that amusing. So he lent her out to some of the FA network; probably filmed them too. David told me to give him a week and he’d come up with an address and a key. He did. I left a message with the secretary to book me two days leave.