Терри Прaтчетт - Песня про ёжика

(So here's to the hedgehog, he's sharp as they come
You'll never get through his impregnable bum
With his nose up his arsehole and rolled in a ball
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all)

A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet
Even a giraffe (despite being so tall)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill
It's amazing how humping a camel will thrill
You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night
With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite
We already mentioned the horse, you may recall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell
Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell
A troll can be rocky if down you should fall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter
Or pego a pig after parting his trotters
Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur
To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer
The lemurs cry «Frink!» as a coy mating call
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Antipodean pranks — you can futter a wombat
Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat
Or hump a goanna — go on, do it all
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing
Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,
Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb,
Or pork a few piglets if you have the time,
A skinhead's pet cat if you don't mind a brawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

A sheep that's named 'Flossy' is warm you shall see,
You can try with a wasp, you can try with a bee.
You can hump with the dog that sleeps in the hall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

A lion is frisky, a leopard is fun,
But to keep up with them you may have to run.
You'll be liked by the fleas at the flea-market stall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

A hippo is funny but take care if underneath,
A pirhana is pleasant but watch out for his teeth.
Get a rodent, they can be found in the mall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You tail-lifting buggers from Ramtop or plain
If you take my advice you will save yourself pain
When the base urges strike you it's best to recall
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

Your hedgehog's a handful and cute as a bun
You'd think he'd be perfect for animal fun
But hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can top a giraffe if you stand on a stool
Though a Jack Russell might make you look like a fool
But the fact still remains that if you want to ball
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can hump a baboon if it doesn't hump you
And a wildebeest's really got something quite gnu
Carouse with a louse if your weenie is small
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

It's hard with a crab 'cause its bum's watertight
The best way is sideways, then twist to the right
If you screw one, be thankful as shorewards you crawl
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.