Wes Anderson - The Grand Budapest Hotel

Two of the guards are now sprawled out on their backs in a spreading pool of blood. Günther and the remaining guard twist and clutch on the floor, grappling in violent headlocks while they simultaneously stab each other repeatedly with the throat-slitter and a thick hunting knife. They both fall silent and stop moving. Silence. M. Gustave says quietly:

M. GUSTAVE

I suppose you’d call that a draw.

Ludwig sighs. He delivers a brief eulogy:

LUDWIG

Anyway, he went out with a bloody knife in his fist jammed into the gut of a dyin’ prison guard. I think that’s how he would’ve wanted it, don’t you?

M. Gustave, Pinky, and Wolf nod and solemnly concur, muttering. They climb down into the hole.

EXT. STREET. NIGHT

Zero watches as the manhole cover flips open onto the street. M. Gustave pokes his head up and whispers simply:

M. GUSTAVE

Good evening.

Zero rushes to assist M. Gustave out of the storm drain. Pinky, Wolf, and Ludwig surface on high alert, looking around in every direction . ( Pinky carries a wad of the crumbled-up gambling money in his little hand. )

M. GUSTAVE

Let me introduce you. Pinky, Wolf, and Ludwig: this is the divine Zero. ( Soberly to Zero. ) Günther was slain in the catacombs.

M. Gustave crosses himself quickly. He begins a wistful speech:

Well, boys, who knows when we’ll all meet again; but if , one day –

LUDWIG

No time to gab. Take care of yourself, Mr. Gustave. Good luck, kid.

Pinky, Wolf, and Ludwig sprint away into the woods. M. Gustave watches them go, bittersweet. He grabs Zero by the shoulder and says, suddenly urgent:

M. GUSTAVE

Which way to the safe house?

ZERO

( unfortunately )

I couldn’t find one.

M. GUSTAVE

( in disbelief )

No safe house? Really? We’re completely on our own out here?

ZERO

( worried )

I’m afraid so. I asked around, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I thought …

Zero trails off. He looks apologetic. M. Gustave sighs, resigned. He says calmly:

M. GUSTAVE

I understand. Too risky. We’ll just have to wing it, I suppose. Let’s put on our disguises.

Zero hesitates. He looks down at his vagabond costume, then at M. Gustave’s. He says, confused:

ZERO

We’re wearing them.

M. GUSTAVE

( frustrated )

No, we’re not. We said false whiskers and fake noses and so on. You didn’t bring any?

ZERO

( referring to moustache )

I thought you were growing one. It wouldn’t look realistic, would it? I thought …

Zero trails off again. He deflates, distressed. M. Gustave remains calm.

M. GUSTAVE

When done properly, they’re perfectly convincing – but I take your point. So be it. Give me a few squirts of L’Air de Panache , please, will you?

Zero smacks his hand to his forehead and looks mortified. M. Gustave says bluntly:

M. GUSTAVE

Can I not get a squirt, even?

ZERO

( miserably )

I forgot the L’Air de Panache .

M. GUSTAVE

( at peak frustration )

Honestly – you forgot the L’Air de Panache ? I don’t believe it. How could you? I’ve been in jail. Zero! Do you understand how humiliating this is? I smell .

M. Gustave lifts up his arms. Zero sniffs him. He grimaces. M. Gustave’s eyes narrow. He begins to seethe.

Well, that’s just marvelous, isn’t it? I suppose this is to be expected back in – where do you come from, again?

ZERO

( evenly )

Aq Salim al-Jabat.

M. GUSTAVE

( escalating )

Precisely. I suppose this is to be expected back in Aq Salim al-Jabat where one’s prized possessions are a stack of filthy carpets and a starving goat, and one sleeps behind a tent-flap and survives on wild dates and scarabs – but it’s not how I trained you. What on God’s earth possessed you to leave the homeland where you very obviously belong and travel unspeakable distances to become a penniless immigrant in a refined, highly cultivated society that, quite frankly, could’ve gotten along very well without you?

ZERO

( shrugs )

The war.

M. GUSTAVE

( pause )

Say again?

Zero speaks softly and struggles deliberately to hold back his emotions as he says, staring at the ground:

ZERO

Well, you see, my father was murdered, and the rest of my family were executed by firing squad. Our village was burned to the ground. Those who managed to survive were forced to flee. I left – because of the war.

M. GUSTAVE

( back-peddling )

Ah, I see. So you’re, actually, really more of a refugee, in that sense.

ZERO

( reserved )

Truly.

M. GUSTAVE

( ashamed )

Well, I suppose I’d better take back everything I just said. What a bloody idiot I am. Pathetic fool . Goddamn selfish bastard. This is disgraceful – and it’s beneath the standards of the Grand Budapest.

Zero looks increasingly concerned as M. Gustave begins to come unglued. Tears stream down M. Gustave’s face. He stands at attention and says with deep deference:

I apologize on behalf of the hotel.

ZERO

( gently )

It’s not your fault, M. Gustave. You were just upset I forgot the perfume.

M. GUSTAVE

Don’t make excuses for me. I owe you my life .

M. Gustave takes Zero by the hand. He says with great feeling and sincerity:

You’re my dear friend and protégé, and I’m very proud of you. You must know that. I’m so sorry, Zero.

ZERO

( gallantly )

We’re brothers .

M. Gustave, touched to the quick, instantly kisses Zero on both cheeks and they embrace. They release each other. They try to pull themselves back together. Pause.

M. GUSTAVE

How’s our darling Agatha?

Zero starts to answer, then hesitates. He recites:

ZERO

‘’Twas first light when I saw her face upon the heath; and hence did I return, day by day, entranc’d: tho’ vinegar did brine my heart –’

A powerful siren begins to blast across the region. Zero’s eyes dart around, startled. M. Gustave says over the noise, impressed:

M. GUSTAVE

Very good! I’m going to stop you because the alarm has sounded – but remember where we left off, because I insist you finish later!

M. Gustave and Zero take off full speed down the road.

INT. TELEPHONE BOOTH. NIGHT

A black-and-yellow wooden call-box next to a tiny pub outside the village. Windmills spin gently on the far side of a wheat field in the distance. Zero holds the door open while M. Gustave dials.

M. GUSTAVE

Operator, get me the Excelsior Palace in Baden-Jürgen and reverse the charges, please. ( To Zero. ) We’ve no choice. There’s nowhere else to turn. ( Into the receiver. ) I’ll hold. Thank you. ( To Zero. ) It’s our only hope. Otherwise, I shouldn’t even mention its existence to you. It goes without saying, you must never breath a word about this to a living soul. Do you swear?

ZERO

Of course. What is it, in fact?

M. GUSTAVE

I can’t say. ( Into the receiver. ) Guten Abend. M. Ivan, bitte. Danke. ( By way of explanation, to Zero. ) How does one come by front-row aisle seats for a first night at the Opera Toscana with one day’s notice? How does one arrange a private viewing of the tapestry collection at the Royal Saxon Gallery? How does one secure a corner table at Chez Dominique on a Thursday ?