Жан-Батист Мольер - The Imaginary Invalid

Arg . It is for my sake that I give her this doctor, and a good daughter ought to be delighted to marry for the sake of her father's health.

Toi . In good troth, Sir, shall I, as a friend, give you a piece of advice?

Arg . What is this advice?

Toi . Not to think of this match.

Arg . And your reason?

Toi . The reason is that your daughter will never consent to it.

Arg . My daughter will not consent to it?

Toi . No.

Arg . My daughter?

Toi . Your daughter. She will tell you that she has no need of Mr. Diafoirus, nor of his son, Mr. Thomas Diafoirus, nor all the Diafoiruses in the world.

Arg . But I have need of them. Besides, the match is more advantageous than you think. Mr. Diafoirus has only this son for his heir; and, moreover, Mr. Purgon, who has neither wife nor child, gives all he has in favour of this marriage; and Mr. Purgon is a man worth eight thousand francs a year.

Toi . What a lot of people he must have killed to have become so rich!

Arg . Eight thousand francs is something, without counting the property of the father.

Toi . That is very well, Sir, but, all the same, I advise you, between ourselves, to choose another husband for her; she is not of a make to become a Mrs. Diafoirus.

Arg . But I will have it so.

Toi . Fie! nonsense! Don't speak like that.

Arg . Don't speak like that? Why not?

Toi . Dear me, no, don't.

Arg . And why should I not speak like that?

Toi . People will say that you don't know what you are talking about.

Arg . People will say all they like, but I tell you that I will have her make my promise good.

Toi . I feel sure that she won't.

Arg . Then I will force her to do it.

Toi . She will not do it, I tell you.

Arg . She will, or I will shut her up in a convent.

Toi . You?

Arg . I.

Toi . Good!

Arg . How good?

Toi . You will not shut her up in a convent.

Arg . I shall not shut her up in a convent?

Toi . No.

Arg . No?

Toi . No.

Arg . Well, this is cool! I shall not put my daughter in a convent if I like!

Toi . No, I tell you.

Arg . And who will hinder me?

Toi . You yourself.

Arg . Myself?

Toi . You will never have the heart to do it.

Arg . I shall.

Toi . You are joking.

Arg . I am not joking.

Toi . Fatherly love will hinder you.

Arg . It will not hinder me.

Toi . A little tear or two, her arms thrown round your neck, Or "My darling little papa," said very tenderly, will be enough to touch your heart.

Arg . All that will be useless.

Toi . Oh yes!

Arg . I tell you that nothing will move me.

Toi . Rubbish!

Arg . You have no business to say "Rubbish."

Toi . I know you well enough; you are naturally kind-hearted.

Arg . ( angrily ). I am not kind-hearted, and I am ill-natured when I like.

Toi . Gently, Sir, you forget that you are ill.

Arg . I command her to prepare herself to take the husband I have fixed upon.

Toi . And I decidedly forbid her to do anything of the kind.

Arg . What have we come to? And what boldness is this for a scrub of a servant to speak in such a way before her master?

Toi . When a master does not consider what he is doing, a sensible servant should set him right.

Arg . ( running after Toinette ). Ah, impudent girl, I will kill you!

Toi . ( avoiding Argan , and putting the chair between her and him ). It is my duty to oppose what would be a dishonour to you.

Arg . ( running after Toinette with his cane in his hand ). Come here, come here, let me teach you how to speak.

Toi . ( running to the opposite side of the chair ). I interest myself in your affairs as I ought to do, and I don't wish to see you commit any folly.

Arg . ( as before ). Jade!

Toi . ( as before ). No, I will never consent to this marriage.

Arg . ( as before ). Worthless hussy!

Toi . ( as before ). I won't have her marry your Thomas Diafoirus.

Arg . ( as before ). Vixen!

Toi . ( as before ). She will obey me sooner than you.

Arg . ( stopping ). Angélique, won't you stop that jade for me?

Ang . Ah! father, don't make yourself ill.

Arg . ( to Angélique ). If you don't stop her, I will refuse you my blessing.

Toi . ( going away ). And I will disinherit her if she obeys you.

Arg . ( throwing himself into his chair ). Ah! I am done for. It is enough to kill me!

Arg . Ah! come near, my wife.

Bel . What ails you, my poor, dear husband?

Arg . Come to my help.

Bel . What is the matter, my little darling child?

Arg . My love.

Bel . My love.

Arg . They have just put me in a rage.

Bel . Alas! my poor little husband! How was that, my own dear pet?

Arg . That jade of yours, Toinette, has grown more insolent than ever.

Bel . Don't excite yourself.

Arg . She has put me in a rage, my dove.

Bel . Gently, my child.

Arg . She has been thwarting me for the last hour about everything I want to do.

Bel . There, there; never mind.

Arg . And has had the impudence to say that I am not ill.

Bel . She is an impertinent hussy.

Arg . You know, my soul, what the truth is?

Bel . Yes, my darling, she is wrong.

Arg . My own dear, that jade will be the death of me.

Bel . Now, don't, don't.

Arg . She is the cause of all my bile.

Bel . Don't be so angry.

Arg . And I have asked you ever so many times to send her away.

Bel . Alas! my child, there is no servant without defects. We are obliged to put up at times with their bad qualities on account of their good ones. The girl is skilful, careful, diligent, and, above all, honest; and you know that in our days we must be very careful what people we take into our house. I say, Toinette.

Toi . Madam.

Bel . How is this? Why do you put my husband in a passion?

Toi . ( in a soft tone ). I, Madam? Alas! I don't know what you mean, and my only aim is to please master in everything.

Arg . Ah! the deceitful girl!

Toi . He said to us that he wished to marry his daughter to the son of Mr. Diafoirus. I told him that I thought the match very advantageous for her, but that I believed he would do better to put her in a convent.

Bel . There is not much harm in that, and I think that she is right.

Arg . Ah! deary, do you believe her? She is a vile girl, and has said a hundred insolent things to me.

Bel . Well, I believe you, my dear. Come, compose yourself; and you, Toinette, listen to me. If ever you make my husband angry again, I will send you away. Come, give me his fur cloak and some pillows, that I may make him comfortable in his arm-chair. You are all anyhow. Pull your night-cap right down over your ears; there is nothing that gives people such bad colds as letting in the air through the ears.