Danielle Steel - Answered prayers

“That's my point, Fred. You'll be single again.” Just hearing him say it gave her a shock. She still had to pinch herself to remind herself that what had happened with Alex wasn't a bad dream. It was real. “What if you met a guy who wanted more kids? What would you do?”

“Introduce him to Eloise.” She laughed, and then grew serious again. “Gee, Brad, I don't know. I'd love to have more kids, but I'm not exactly in the flower of my youth. At my age, I'm not not even sure I could. I know people do. I don't know … yeah … maybe it would be nice … it would be wonderful to have a baby again … and it would make me feel hopeful and alive and young. The only trouble is,” she said, sobering, as she looked at him, “I'm not. I'm tired and sad and old. And worse yet, alone.”

“It won't be like that forever. You'll find someone, Fred. Someone a lot nicer than Alex was to you. You'll be off and running in a few months, and you'll probably be married in a year.” He looked depressed as he said it, and she smiled.

“Well, you certainly have my life worked out. What about you?” She knew how unhappy he was with Pam, and how determined he was to stay with her, at all costs. “Don't you want more than what you have?” His life with Pam always sounded lonely to her. But her life with Alex had been too, and she would never have ended it, if he hadn't walked out on her.

“Sure I do,” he answered her honestly. “But what I have is what I have. I don't think about it much.” That wasn't entirely true.

“Maybe you should, while you are still reasonably young. What if she does what Alex did, ten years from now maybe? Won't you feel like you wasted your whole life, when you could have been with someone you were happy with? Maybe it's worth some thought.”

“It's too big a risk,” he said, looking straight at Faith. “I know what I've got, however damaged it is. I'm not going to throw it away for a dream that might never come true. Life doesn't work like that. Movies do. Real lives don't. Most people do what you and I have done. They settle for what almost works, and put up with it as best they can. You know that yourself.”

“Yeah, I do. I just wonder about it now. Maybe Alex was right to do what he did. I hate it for me. But maybe he finally had the guts to do what we should have done years ago. He did it in a hurtful way, but he's reaching for the brass ring.”

“And in his case, I think he'll fall flat on his face, because he did it by hurting you. I don't think you win much that way. You lose. He's chasing some girl in a thong, and kicked you in the teeth on the way out. That comes back to haunt you eventually. If he stays with her, maybe she'll do it to him one day.”

“Now there's a cheering thought,” Faith said with a small smile. “I don't know what the answers are,” she said with a sigh, as snowflakes settled on her eyelashes and stuck to her hair.

He had never seen anyone as beautiful, and as he looked at her, it made his heart ache. He would have loved to turn the clock back about thirty years. But he knew with perfect clarity what he couldn't have. What he couldn't have, and never would, was Faith. And she had no idea the thought had even crossed his mind. She would have been shocked if she had. She had no idea that he even looked at her that way. And he hadn't in a long time, since they were kids. But he did now, when he allowed himself to. Just standing next to her in Central Park, with his arm around her, made him dream of more. But Brad knew better than anyone that it was only a dream.

“You're looking very serious,” Faith whispered, and snuggled closer to him. It was getting cold and the wind had come up. “Are you okay?” He nodded and smiled. He loved everything he did with her. Making breakfast for her, talking for hours, going to church, taking walks, even eating the banana split the night before. She had been a golden child, and was even more luminous now.

“I was thinking we should go back to your house and make a fire. And actually, I was thinking about lunch.”

“All I do is eat when I'm with you,” she complained. But she loved being with him too. And she had been getting hungry while they walked. “We need to stop and get some food. I don't have much in the house. I've been starving myself ever since Alex left.”

“That's not going to help,” he said practically, taking her hand in his.

They stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and he made her buy enough food to tide her over for the week, and then insisted on paying for it, which she said wasn't fair.

“You're not going to be here to eat all this. Why should you pay for it?”

“Then I'll come back for dinner tomorrow night,” he said, as they handed him his change.

“I wish you could stay. It's a shame we don't live in the same town.” He thought so too, but he also knew it would eventually create an unbearable challenge for him. He was beginning to feel things for her he had never felt before. And as long as she wasn't aware of it, and there were three thousand miles separating them, he knew he was safe, and so was she.

He carried the groceries for her, and half an hour later, she was making lunch, while he started the fire. Outside, the snow continued to fall.

She made soup and sandwiches, and she had insisted on buying marshmallows and graham crackers and Hershey bars, so she could make s'mores, which they had both loved as kids. Being with him was like a pilgrimage to the past. It made her wish at times that they had never had to grow up. If that were true, life would still be simple for all of them, and Jack would still be alive.

It was nearly four o'clock when they finished lunch, and Brad laughed when he looked at her. They had made the s'mores in the fire. “What are you laughing at?” Faith looked incensed.

“You've got marshmallows and chocolate all over your face. You're a mess.” She used her napkin to try and clean it up, and only made it worse. And instead, he took the napkin from her, and wiped her mouth and her chin and the tip of her nose as she gazed up at him with innocent eyes. And as he looked down at her, it took everything he had not to abandon himself to the moment and all he felt for her. “There, now you've got a clean face.” Nothing in his demeanor even remotely hinted at the undercurrents he felt.

“Do you want another one?” she asked with a grin, and he groaned and stretched out on the floor near the fire. His legs looked endless to her, and his shoulders were as broad and powerful as they had been when he was a boy.

“No, I don't. I wonder if my plane is going to be delayed by the snow.” He was almost hoping it was, although he had to get back. But he would have liked nothing better than to get snowbound with her in New York. He was having feelings he had no idea what to do about. And he knew he had to get back, while he still could. It was so hard knowing she had hard times ahead, and he couldn't be there for her. All he could offer her was his voice on the phone, or e-mails. It didn't seem like enough. He wanted to protect her from the onslaught that he knew instinctively Alex was going to focus on her.

“I'll call and check on your flight,” she said helpfully, and walked to the phone in the hall. She was back five minutes later. “It's on time.”

“Too bad,” he said, with a sleepy smile.

And an hour later, he got up like a sleeping giant from the floor. It was time to go.

At five o'clock, he picked up his things, and Faith put on her coat.

“You don't have to come,” he said, watching her. She had no idea how beautiful she was, which had always been part of her charm.

“I know I don't. But I want to anyway. I've got nothing else to do.” She wanted to spend as much time with him as she could.