Danielle Steel - Bittersweet

“Who's she married to?” Gail said, finishing her cappuccino.

“Paul Ward, he's a financier of some kind,” she said, looking pensive for a moment, and Gail stopped as she watched her.

“The Paul Ward? The Wizard of Wall Street?” “I guess so. He's a nice man. She's very lucky.” “He's also gorgeous. He was on the cover of Time last year for some big deal he made. He must be worth billions.”

“They have a wonderful sailboat. But she hates it.” India smiled as she said it, remembering their conversations about Serena's aversion to the Sea Star , and the funny things Paul said about it.

“Wait a minute.” Gail narrowed her eyes at her friend with increasing interest, and suspicion. “Are you telling me you went out on the boat with him, before she got there?”

“She was in L.A., working on a movie.”

Gail was never one to mince words, and she had

known India for years. There was something in her

friend's eyes now that caught her attention. “India, are

you in love with him? Is that part of all this?” She was

more astute than India wanted to believe, or would allow herself to acknowledge, even about her own feelings.

“Don't be silly.”

“Bullshit. The guy looks like Gary Cooper or Clark Gable or something. Time magazine called him ‘indecently handsome, and ruggedly alluring.’ I remember what he looks like. And you and Sam went out on his boat with him? …Then what?”

“We kind of made friends. We talked a lot. He's very smart about people. But he's also crazy about Serena.”

“That's nice for her. What about you? Did he come on to you on the boat?”

“Of course not.” Even the question was offensive. She knew Paul would never have done that. Nor would she have let him if he had. They respected each other.

“Has he called you?”

“Not really.” India's eyes told a different story, and Gail saw it instantly. India was protecting something, as though she had a secret about Paul.

“Wait a minute. There is calling, and not calling. What is ‘not really’? Not really is calling and getting a busy signal. Did he call you?” She was digging, but she also had India's best interests at heart, and India knew that. And nothing would have shocked Gail if it had been a different story, but it wasn't.

“Yeah. He called me. Once. From Gibraltar. He was on the boat, on his way to Europe.”

“On his sailboat? It must be the size of the QE II” She looked impressed and India laughed at her.

“It's pretty big, and really wonderful. Sam loved it.”

“And what about you? Did you love it too?”

“Yes. I loved it. And I liked him. He's a wonderful man, and I think he likes me. But he's married, and so am I, and my life is falling apart and it has nothing to do with Paul Ward, believe me.”

“I understand that. But he might provide a little relief from your miseries. Did he ask to see you?”

“Of course not. Anyway, he's in Europe.”

“How do you know?” Gail was fascinated by him, and by India meeting such illustrious people.

“He said he was going to be there till after Labor Day.”

“With Serena?”

“I think she was going home early.”

“Did he ask you to join him?”

“Will you stop? There is nothing to this, I promise. He said he'd love to have me on the boat with my children sometime. He's a friend, that's all. Forget it. And I'm not going to have an affair with anyone. I just gave up my career, or any hope of it, forever, for my husband. If I wanted to lose my marriage, I could take an assignment, for chrissake. I don't have to have an affair to fuck my life up any further.”

“It might actually help it,” Gail said thoughtfully, although for once she didn't really think so. India wasn't the type to enjoy it. She was too straight-arrow to play the games Gail did, and Gail loved her for it. She had a lot of respect for her, and she was sorry to see her in such bad shape now, and she had no idea how to help her. She thought Doug was a fool, and an insensitive bastard, but if India wanted to stay married to him, there wasn't anything anyone could do about it to help her. She had to play the game his way. No matter what it cost her.

“Maybe he'll call you again sometime,” Gail said hopefully, but India only shrugged. She knew he wasn't the answer to her problems.

“I don't think he'll call,” India said quietly. “It's really kind of pointless. We got along wonderfully, but there's no way to continue a friendship like that. Our lives are too complicated. And I really like his wife. I might do some more pictures for her.” India was completely adapted to her situation.

“Will Doug let you take pictures of her?” Those were the boundaries of her life now, and she had to live with them. Like prison walls. Or a life sentence.

“Maybe. I didn't ask him. But he might. That's pretty harmless, and all I have to do is go into the city for an afternoon. I could even do it for her, without having her give me credit.”

“What a waste,” Gail said sadly. “You're one of the best photographers in the country, the world maybe, and you're just flushing it right down the toilet.” It really made her angry, especially seeing India so depressed about it.

“Apparently that was the ‘deal’ I made with Doug when we got married, although he didn't spell it out quite that clearly. I said I'd give up working, I don't think I ever said I'd burn all my bridges.”

“Then don't. Don't take your name off the roster. Maybe he'll back down eventually, after he stops beating his chest over it. It's all about ego, and control, and a lot of other unattractive stuff men do to make them-selves feel important. Maybe in a year or two, he'll feel differently about it.”

“I doubt it.” That was very clear now. She just had to put one foot in front of the other, and do just what Doug expected of her.

And with that, India stood up. She had things to do at home. She hadn't even made their bed before breakfast. Lately she felt as though she had lead in her shoes, and everything seemed to take longer than usual. Even getting dressed, and she couldn't be bothered to do her hair or wear makeup. She felt as though her life were over. It all seemed so pointless.

They walked slowly back to their cars, and Gail gave her a hug and stood facing her for a minute. “Don't rule out Paul Ward entirely, India. Sometimes guys make great friends, and I don't know why, but I get the feeling that there's more to this than you're admitting to me … or to yourself maybe. There's something about the way you look when you talk about it.” It had been the only time her eyes had come alive or her face had been animated all morning. “Don't give it up, whatever it is. You need it.”

“I know,” she said softly. “I think he just feels sorry for me.”

“I doubt that. You're not exactly a pathetic figure normally. You're beautiful, smart, fun to be with, funny. He's probably attracted to you, maybe he's just one of the rare ones who's faithful to his wife. That's always a possibility, depressing as that is.” She grinned wickedly and India laughed at her.

“You're hopeless. What about you? Any new victims for lunch or the motel circuit?” They had no secrets between them, or they hadn't until now. India hadn't wanted to admit to her how attractive she found Paul. It was better left: secret. And there really was nothing to it. It was probably all a figment of her imagination. But the call from Gibraltar hadn't been. He'd probably just been bored, or maybe lonely after the crossing. But he could have called Serena instead, and he didn't. India had turned it around in her head a number of times after he called her, wondering why he had, and finally decided it didn't matter.