Danielle Steel - Changes

“I'm always right. You needed dinner here too.”

She decided to be honest with him. “I hope the children don't mind too much.” She had already seen a great deal in Pam's eyes. More than Peter would have wanted her to see.

“I don't think they quite know what to make of my being here.”

Their eyes met and held and he approached the pool and sat down, unable to stop what he felt, or had to say. “Neither do I.” His eyes dug into her, and he was stunned by his own words, and Mel suddenly looked scared.

“Peter …” She suddenly felt that she should tell him something more about herself, her old scars, her fears of getting too deeply involved with men. And yet they both sensed that there was something strange happening to them.

“I'm sorry. That was a crazy thing to say.”

“I'm not sure it was … but… Peter …” And then, as she looked away from him, searching for her words, she glimpsed Pam at the window again, and an instant later she disappeared. “‘I don't want to intrude into your life.” She forced her eyes back to his.

“Why not?”

She took a deep breath and pulled herself out of the pool and he almost gasped as he saw the long, lean limbs and the white suit. This time he looked away, but he felt a wave of emotion wash over him. Her voice was almost too gentle as she spoke again. “Has there been anyone else since Anne?”

He knew what she meant and shook his head. “No. Not in that sense.”

“Then why upset everyone now?”

“Who's upset?” Peter looked surprised and Mel decided to be blunt.

“Pam.”

And with that Peter sighed. “That has nothing to do with you, Mel. The last couple of years have been hard on her.”

“I understand that. But the reality is that I live three thousand miles away and it's not very likely we'll see each other again for a long time. And what we're doing with the interview about you is exciting for both of us. And funny things happen to people when they go through something like that. It's like being cast adrift on a ship, you grow amazingly close. But tomorrow the interview will be complete and I'm going home.” Her eyes were almost sad as she said the words.

“So what harm will one dinner do?”

She sat pensively beside him for a long time. “I don't know. I just don't want to do anything that doesn't make sense.” She looked into his eyes again and saw that he looked sad too. It was crazy. They liked each other, almost too much, but what was the point?

“I think you're making too much of all this, Mel.” His voice was deep and almost gruff.

“Am I?” Her eyes never wavered from his and this time he smiled.

“No. Maybe I am. I think I like you a lot, Mel.”

“I like you too. There's no harm in that, as long as we don't get carried away.” But suddenly she wished they would. And it was crazy really, sitting there at the side of the pool talking of something that had never been and would never be, and yet there was something there. And Mel couldn't decide if it was illusion created by working so closely side by side for two days or if it was real. There was no way to know, and by the next day she'd be gone. Maybe there was no harm in one dinner after all, and she was expected to stay.

Peter looked down at her again and spoke softly to her. “I'm glad you're here, Mel.” He sounded like Matt, and she smiled.

“So am I.” And for a long moment their eyes met and held and Mel could feel cold chills run up her spine. There was something magical about this man. And he seemed to feel it too. He stood up with a happy smile on his face and held out a hand to her. He looked almost shy, and she smiled and followed him inside, glad that she had decided to stay. She went back to the guest room, and changed her clothes, rinsed out the bathing suit and went upstairs to return it to Pam, her wet hair pulled back into a knot, and her face lightly tanned with only mascara and lipstick on. There weren't many women her age who looked as well with almost no makeup on. And she found Pam sitting in her room, listening to a tape with a dreamy look on her face. She seemed almost startled to see Mel, who knocked on the open door and stepped in.

“Hi, Pam. Thanks for the suit. Shall I put it in your bathroom?”

“Sure … okay … thanks.” She stood up, feeling awkward with Mel, and Mel suddenly felt the same overwhelming urge to take the young girl in her arms, however tall and grown-up she was. Inside, she was still a lonely, unhappy little girl.

“That's a nice tape. Val has that too.”

“Which one is she?” Pam looked intrigued again.

“The blonde.”

“Is she nice?”

Mel laughed. “I hope so. Maybe someday if you come east with your dad, you could meet them both.”

Pam sat down on her bed again. “I'd like to go to New York someday. But we hardly ever get to go away. Dad can't leave his work. There's always someone he has to be around for. Except for a couple of weeks in the summer, when he goes nuts, leaving the hospital, and calls back there every two hours. We go to Aspen.” She looked unimpressed, and Mel watched her eyes. There was something broken there. Everything about her looked as though it needed some pep, some excitement, some joy. But Mel had a feeling that a woman could work wonders for the girl. Someone to love her and take her mother's place. The child was keening for Anne, and no matter how much she would resist someone new, it was what she needed most. That dry stick of a German woman downstairs couldn't give her love, and Peter did his best, but she needed something more.

“Aspen must be nice.” Mel was fighting to open a closed door between herself and the girl. And once or twice she thought she could see a glimmer of hope, but she wasn't sure.

“Yeah, it's okay. I get bored going there though.”

“Where would you rather go instead?”

“The beach … Mexico … Europe … New York … someplace neat.” She smiled hesitantly at Mel. “Someplace where interesting people go, not just nature lovers and people who hike.” She made a face. “Yuck.”

Mel smiled. “We go to Martha's Vineyard every summer. That's the beach. It's not too exciting, but it's nice. Maybe someday you could visit us there.” But at that, Pam looked suspicious again, and before Mel could say anything more, Matthew bounded into the room.

“Get out, squirt!” She leapt quickly to her feet, protecting her domain.

“You're a creep.” Matthew looked more annoyed than hurt, and he looked possessively at Mel. “Dad says dinner's ready and we should all come downstairs.” He stood waiting to accompany her down, and she had no further time alone with Pam, to reassure her that the invitation was just a friendly thought on her part, and not an omen of things to come between her father and herself.

Mark joined them on the stairs and he and Pam gnawed at each other all the way down, as Matthew kept up a running patter with Mel. And Peter was already waiting in the dining room, as Mel saw something haunting cross his face as they entered the room en masse, but he quickly recovered himself. There must have been a familiar look to it all, something he hadn't seen in a long time.

“Were they holding you hostage upstairs? I was afraid of that.”

“No. I was talking to Pam.”

He looked pleased at that, and everyone took their chairs, as Mel hesitated, not quite sure where to sit. Peter quickly pulled out the chair to his right, and Pam looked shocked and half rose from her seat. She sat at the foot of the table, facing Peter, with both boys on one side. “That's….”

“Never mind!” His voice was firm, and Mel knew instantly what he had done. He had put her in his late wife's chair, and she wished that he had not. There was a long, heavy silence in the room, and Mrs. Hahn stared as she came in, as Mel looked at Peter imploringly. “It's all right, Mel.” He looked reassuringly at her, and took the others in with one glance, and the conversation began again. A moment later the dining room was filled with the usual noise, as everyone started with Mrs. Hahn's cold watercress soup.