Danielle Steel - Daddy

“Something's wrong with Dad!” he reported. “He just came home and he was green.”

“Maybe he's sick. Did you ask him what was wrong?”

“He just said he had a bad day at the office.”

“Maybe he did. Why don't you just relax and leave him alone? He'll probably be fine in the morning.”

But the next morning he wasn't. They all noticed it. He was quiet and pale, and he didn't say a word. He came down late, and he didn't touch his eggs, as Sam looked pointedly at his sister.

“You sick, Dad?” She tried to sound casual. And without meaning to, Sam hit the nail on the head. His father almost flinched at the boy's words.

“You have a fight with Charlie last night?”

“No, of course not.” But she hadn't called after he'd left, and he hadn't been able to sleep all night. The terror of losing her was more than he could bear. And at what price. He loved her too much to try to hang on to something he could never have, just as he had discovered he had never really had Sarah.

He left for the office that morning feeling like a zombie, and he almost shuddered when his secretary told him that afternoon that Charlotte was waiting in his outer office. Suddenly he was afraid to let her in, afraid to see her, afraid to hear what she was going to tell him. He felt trapped when the secretary let her in with a look of awe, and he didn't stand up because suddenly his legs didn't feel strong enough to hold him.

“Are you okay?” Charlie looked at him worriedly, and walked slowly toward the desk, her eyes gripping his, her face pale, but no paler than Ollie's.

“You've made a decision, haven't you?”

She nodded, and slumped in the chair across his desk. “I had to come now. It's going to be on the news at six o'clock. The producers of the play made a deal with the network, and they've agreed to write me out of the show by Christmas.” … Christmas … their wedding day … almost.

“And you'll do the play?” He could hardly force the words out.

She nodded slowly, with a look of tension in her eyes. “I guess so.” And then reaching out and taking both his hands in her own, she begged him, “Can't we work this out? Can't we at least try a compromise? I love you. Nothing has changed.” She looked desperate, but Ollie knew better.

“Not now maybe. Not yet. But eventually, it'll just be too much. We'll be strangers. You'll live in New York, with your own life, your play. I'll be here, with my job and the children. What kind of life is that?”

“Difficult, challenging, but worthwhile. Other people have done it and survived. Ollie, I swear I'll do all the commuting.”

“How? You have two days off. One day to fly here, one day to go back. What does that leave us? A night at the airport? How long do you think that would last?” He stood up finally, and walked around the desk to face her. “You've made the right choice. You're a talented woman, Charlotte. You have a right to the best.”

“But I love you.”

“I love you too. But I can't make something work that isn't going to. I've learned that lesson before. The hard way' The scars were too deep, the pain too great, and as he looked at the woman he loved, he knew he had already lost her.

“What happens now?” She looked broken, but she didn't fight him.

“We hurt for a while. We both grow up. We go on. You have your work. I have my kids. We take comfort from that, and eventually it stops hurting.” Like it had with Sarah. It had only taken a year of constant agony. Only that. And the prospect of losing Charlotte seemed worse somehow, they had had so much hope and joy and love, so many plans, and now it was over.

“You make it sound awfully simple, Ollie.” She looked at him with grief-stricken eyes, and he gently reached out and took her hands in his own.

“That's the only trouble. It isn't.”

She left his office a few minutes later in tears, and he poured himself a stiff drink at the bar before going home, to find Aggie and Sam watching the news as they fed Alex dinner. The announcer was just telling greater L.A. that there was a rumor that Charlotte Sampson was leaving her show and going to New York to be in a play on Broadway.

Sam laughed out loud, as Aggie handed the baby another cookie. “That's dumb, isn't it, Dad? Charlie's not going to New York. She's staying here, and we're getting married.” He looked up at his father with a broad smile, and suddenly his face froze. Ollie looked glazed as he turned from the TV to Sam and shook his head, as though in a stupor.

“No. I don't think so, Son. She's had a very good offer to do an important play. It means a lot to her, Sam.” Aggie and the boy both stared at him, as Benjamin let himself into the kitchen and saw the drama unfolding, without knowing what had caused it. Alex let out a squeal and reached chubby arms up to his father, but for once, no one seemed to hear him.

“Are we going back to New York, too, Dad?” Sam looked both frightened and hopeful, but his father shook his head, feeling as though he had aged a hundred years in a single day.

“We can't, Sam. You're all in school here. And I have an office to run. I can't just pull up stakes and move once a year.”

“But don't you want to?” Sam couldn't understand what had happened. But for that matter, neither could Ollie.

“Yes, I do. But I also don't want to interfere in someone else's life. She has her own life to lead, and we have ours.”

There was a moment's silence, and then Sam nodded, quietly wiping a tear from his cheek as Benjamin and his father watched him. “Kind of like Mom, huh?”

“Kind of.”

Sam nodded and left the room, as Benjamin gently touched his father's arm, and Aggie took Alex out of the high chair and took him with her to check on Sam. It was easy to figure out that hard times had struck again, and Sam was going to take it hard. He had been crazy about Charlotte. But then again, so had his father.

“Is there anything I can do, Dad?” Benjamin asked quietly, touched by the look of grief in Ollie's eyes. But Oliver only shook his head, squeezed Benjamin's arm, and went upstairs to his own room. He lay on his bed thinking of her all that night, and he felt as though he'd been beaten in a bar brawl by morning.

It wasn't fair that it was happening to him again. It wasn't fair that he was losing her. As he lay in bed alone, he wanted to hate her, but he couldn't. He loved her too much, and the irony of it struck him with full force again in the morning, after a sleepless night, as he threw out the brochures of Bora Bora. He had a knack for falling in love with women who wanted more out of life than just plain marriage. He couldn't imagine ever loving anyone again. And as he stared out the window, thinking of her, he couldn't hold back the tears. He wanted her desperately, but he knew it would never work. He had to let her go, no matter how painful it was to break the bonds that had held him.

He wanted to call her all day, but he forced himself not to. The papers were full of her that day, and for several days, but she never called him. And it was Thanksgiving before he could hear her name without flinching. He longed for her to leave for New York so he wouldn't be tempted to drive by her house, or stop by the studio to see her. She would be gone, to another life, far from his own. Forever.

Chapter 29

The day before Thanksgiving, Sarah arrived to take Mel and Sam to San Francisco with her to see friends. She had even agreed to take Aggie and Alex, and Benjamin was going to get in some early skiing at Squaw Valley. Sarah had finished her book a few weeks before, and Oliver thought she looked well. The odd thing was that when he kissed her on the cheek, she felt like a stranger. He never longed for her anymore, and now her perfume was an unfamiliar smell. The woman who haunted his dreams at night was Charlie. His heart still ached each time she came to mind or he saw her name in the papers.