Danielle Steel - Full circle

“Home, I guess. I still have all that work to do.”

“That's a crock.” He imitated her, and they both laughed. “How about playing hooky and going to the movies with an old man? My son has just thrown me out of his room, and I don't know a soul in this town, and it's Christmas, for God's sake. How about it, Tan?” He had picked the name up from his son and she smiled, wanting to tell him that she had to go home, but she couldn't do it somehow; she wanted to be with him.

“I really should go home.” But she didn't convince either of them, and he was in a festive mood as they climbed into the limousine.

“Good. Now that you've gotten that out of the way, where shall we go?” She giggled like a little girl, and he told the limousine driver to drive them around. Eventually, they bought a newspaper, picked out a movie they both liked, ate as much popcorn as they could stand, and went to L'Etoile afterwards, for a small supper and drinks at the bar. She was getting spoiled just being with him. And she was trying to remind herself of what a cad Harry said he was, but she didn't believe that anymore, and she had never been as happy in her life, as when he drove her home to Berkeley again, and took her in his arms, and kissed her as naturally as if they had both been waiting for that all their lives. He looked at her afterwards, touching her lips with his fingertips, wondering if he should regret what he'd done, but he felt younger and happier than he had in years. “Tana, I've never met any- one like you before, my love.” He held her tight and she felt a warmth and safety she had never even dreamed of before, and then he kissed her again. He wanted to make her his for the rest of time, but he also wondered if he was half mad. This was Harry's friend … his girl … but they both insisted that they were just friends, and yet he sensed something different than that, on Harry's part anyway. He looked deep into her eyes. “Tell me the truth about something, Tan. Are you in love with my son?”

Slowly, she shook her head. The driver of the limousine seemed to have disappeared. Actually, he had gone outside for a discreet walk. They were parked outside Tana's house. “No. I've never been in love with anyone … until now.…” They were brave words for her, and she decided to tell him the truth all at once. He had been honest with her since they'd met. “I was raped four and a half years ago. It kind of stopped everything for me. As though my emotional clock no longer ran, and it hasn't run since. I didn't go out at all for the first couple of years I was in college, and then finally Harry forced me into double dating with him a few times. But it was no big deal, and I don't go out with anyone here. All I do is work.” She smiled tenderly at him. She was falling head over heels in love with the father of her best friend.

“Does Harry know?”

“That I was raped?” He nodded. “Yes. I told him eventually. He thought I was weird, and eventually I told him why. Actually, we saw the guy at a party we went to, and he guessed.”

“Was it someone you knew?” Harrison looked shocked.

“The son of my mother's boss. Lover and boss, actually. It was awful … no,” she shook her head, “it was much, much worse than that.” He pulled her into his arms again, and he understood things better now. He wondered if that was why Harry had never allowed himself to be more than friends with her. He instinctively sensed that the desire was there, even if she was innocent of what was in his mind. And he also knew what he felt for the girl. He hadn't been so taken with anyone since he met his wife twenty-six years before, and then he began to think of the age difference between them, wondering if it would bother her. He was exactly thirty years older than Tana, and there were those who would be shocked. But more importantly, would she? “So what?” She answered him when he voiced his fears. “Who cares about them?” She kissed him this time and she felt something come alive in herself that she had never felt before, a passion and desire which only he could fulfill, and she tossed and turned all night thinking about him, just as he did about her. She called him at seven o'clock the next day, and he was already awake, and surprised by her call. But he would have been even more surprised had he known what she felt for him.

“What are you doing up at this hour, little one?” “Thinking about you.” He was flattered and touched and enchanted and infatuated and a thousand other things. But there was much more to it than that. Tana trusted this man as she had trusted no other man before, not even his son, and he represented a great many things to her, even the father she had never known. He was all men in one, and had Harrison known, he might have been frightened that she expected too much of him. They visited Harry, they met for lunch, they had dinner to- gether that night, and he had an overwhelming urge to take her to bed, but something told him that he could not, that it was dangerous, that he would form a lasting bond and that was wrong. For the next two weeks, they met and they walked and they kissed and they touched and the feelings and needs they had for each other grew. They visited Harry separately, for fear that he would find out, and finally Harrison sat down beside his son one day. The matter had to be broached, it was getting serious for both of them, and he didn't want to hurt the girl. But more than that, he wanted to offer her something he hadn't offered anyone in years, his heart, and his life. He wanted to marry her, and he had to know how Harry felt, now, before it was too late, before everyone got hurt, especially the one person he cared about most, his son. He would have sacrificed anything for Harry, especially now, even the girl he loved, and he had to know now.

“I want to ask you something. Honestly. And I want you to answer me.” There had been a tenuous peace between the two men in the past two weeks, thanks to efforts on Tana's part, and Harrison had been enjoying the fruits of it.

“What's this all about?” Harry looked suspiciously at him.

“What's between you and that enchanting child?” He fought hard to keep his face blank, his eyes calm, and prayed that his son wouldn't see anything there, particularly not how much he loved the girl, though he couldn't imagine how Harry could not see. He felt as though he was wearing a neon sign.

“Tana?” Harry shrugged.

“I told you, I want you to answer me.” His whole life depended on it now, as did hers.

“Why? What's it to you?” Harry was restless and his neck had hurt all day. “I told you, she's my friend.”

“I know you better than that, whether you like it or not.”

“So what? That's all it is. I've never slept with her.” But he already knew that, though he didn't tell Harry that.

“That doesn't mean a damn thing. That could have to do with her and not you.” There was no joking in his eyes or words. This was no joking matter to him, but Harry laughed and conceded the point.

“That's true, it could.” And then suddenly, he lay back against his pillows and looked up at the ceiling, feeling an odd closeness to his father he had never felt before. “I don't know, Dad.… I was crazy about her when we first met, but she was as locked up as a stone … she still is.” He told him about the rape then, and Harrison pretended to hear it for the first time. “I've never known anyone like her before. I guess I've always known that I'm in love with her, but I've been afraid to fuck it up by telling her that. This way, she won't run away. The other way, she might.” His eyes filled with sudden tears. “I couldn't stand losing her. I need her too much.” Harrison felt his heart sink like a rock, but he had to think for his son now. That was all he really cared about, all he would let himself care about now. He had finally found him and he wasn't willing to lose him again. Not even for Tana, whom he loved so desperately. But Harry's words burned through him like fire. “I need her so much.…” The funny thing was the elder Winslow needed her too, but not as Harry did, and he couldn't take her from him, not now.…