Danielle Steel - Granny Dan

“You will never believe it, Danina. She does not want to go back to England. She wants to stay in Russia. After fifteen years of threatening to leave, and telling me how much she hates it here, she will not leave now, when I am offering to free her.” Danina looked vastly disappointed by what he told her, and had to fight back tears as she listened.

“And the divorce?”

“She does not want it. She sees no reason why we should leave each other. She admits that she's as unhappy as I am, but she says she doesn't care about happiness in marriage anymore. She says she does not want the humiliation of a divorce. And if we live together now, you and I, I cannot marry you, Danina.” He looked devastated by what he told her. He had wanted to give her everything, a home, respectability, security, children, a whole new life. But all he could offer her now was to be his mistress. It was she who would be humiliated now, and not his wife.

“Does anyone know about us? The Czar?” Danina asked, looking worried.

“I think he suspects about us, but I don't think he disapproves. He genuinely likes you, and has made a point of saying so to me more than once.”

“Don't worry about all this,” Danina said with a sigh. “It will work out in time. I must finish here anyway. They are very unhappy with me for staying away for so long, and Madame Markova is threatening to put me in the corps de ballet, and no longer allow me to dance as a prima. She says I no longer dance as I did before. I would like to come back to where I was when I left, and that will give you time to convince Marie to listen to reason. We can be patient.” She tried valiantly to sound calmer than she was, about her life in the ballet, and about him.

“I'm not sure I can be patient,” he said unhappily. “I miss you unbelievably. When can you come back to visit again?” The days without her had been intolerable for him, far more than he had feared they would be.

“Perhaps this summer, if they let me have a break this year. Madame Markova is talking about making me stay here to work by myself when the others go on vacation, to make up for the time I missed when I was with you.”

“Can she do that? That's not fair.” He looked outraged. He wanted her with him.

“She can do anything she wants. Nothing is fair here. We'll see. I'll talk to her about it when the time is closer. Right now, we must be patient and wait.” He wanted more time to talk to Marie anyway, to try and reason with her, and at least get her to leave for England, or agree to some kind of separation.

“I'll come back and see you in a few weeks, ‘by order of the Czar.’ “ He smiled at her. “Will you get the letters if I write to you?”

“Perhaps if you put them in an Imperial envelope,” she said with a mischievous look, which made him smile.

“I'll have Alexei address them for me.” And then, without saying more, he leaned over and kissed her. “Don't worry, my love. We'll work it all out. They cannot keep us apart forever. We just need some time to find the best solutions. But not too much time. I can't bear being without you for too long.” He was about to kiss her again, and as he leaned toward her, they saw the door open to the garden, and Madame Markova was glaring at them.

“Do you intend to spend the entire day with your doctor , Danina? Or working? Perhaps you should be in a hospital, if you're still so ill, and the Czar is still so worried about you. I'm sure we can find a good state hospital for you, if you prefer it to dancing here.” Danina was already on her feet and standing beside Nikolai in her leotard and her toe shoes, and he spoke before she could.

“I'm very sorry, Madame, if I have taken too much of Miss Petroskova's time. It was not my intention. I was simply concerned.”

“Good day then, Dr. Obrajensky.” All her gratitude to him for saving Danina five months before had long since been dispelled, particularly now that she knew he was the enemy that she was facing for Danina. She no longer had any doubt about it.

He kissed Danina on the cheek before he left, and she reminded him to give everyone her love, and with a last squeeze of his hand, she went back to class as he left the garden. He looked bereft when he left the building where she ate and slept, and worked and slaved, for eighteen hours a day. He only wished he could take her with him instead of having to leave her there.

And in class once more, she was desperately trying to concentrate and not think of him, as Madame Markova watched her. She was relentless in her vigilance, her criticism, her brutally unkind words. And when Danina finally took a break two hours later, Madame Markova looked at her with undisguised disdain, and met her eyes with disapproval and something very close to rage.

“So, did he tell you that he cannot leave his wife? That she will not agree to a divorce? You're a fool, Danina Petroskova, it is an old, old story. And he will keep making you promises and breaking them, until he breaks your heart and costs you your life as a dancer, and he will never leave her.” She sounded as though she spoke from experience, or something very bitter which had touched her a long time ago. She had neither forgiven nor forgotten, nor would she now. “Is that what he told you?” The older woman pressed her, but Danina would never admit to her that it was. She knew that Nikolai would never hurt her, no matter what Madame Markova thought of him, or what demons haunted her from the past.

“He had a message for me from the Czar and Czarina,” Danina said calmly.

“And what is that?” Danina did not tell her that they wanted her back for a visit that summer. That would have been the final blow between her and Madame Markova. And she knew she couldn't tell her yet.

“Only that they miss me and are worried about my health.”

“How kind of them, what important friends you have now. But they will not help you when you can no longer dance, they will not want you then, and your doctor will forget you long before that.” She said it with a bitterness Danina had never seen in her before.

“Not necessarily, Madame,” Danina said with quiet dignity, turned on her heel, and went to her next class. There was only so much she would take from her now, and it did not matter to her that Marie would not agree to divorce him or leave for England. They could still have a life together. She was still willing to be with him, married or not.

From then on, every day in May was an agony, made worse by Madame Markova's constant criticism and accusations. Danina was accused of being out of step, out of time, her arabesques were a disgrace, her arms now moved like wood, her legs were stiff, her leaps pathetic. Madame Markova was doing everything she could to push Danina to the breaking point, and break her spirit. She wanted to make her fight for her dancing, and to give up everything but that.

But in spite of it, Danina held on, and Nikolai came to see her again in June. And this time he brought a personal letter from the Czarina. They wanted her to come to Livadia in August, for the entire month if possible, but Danina did not see how she could do it. Nothing had changed with Nikolai in the past month. If anything, Marie was more adamant about staying where she was, and she was making things very difficult about the children, which seemed to surprise him even more.

“I think people do that. They have to make things more painful. Like Madame Markova with me now. It is their own special kind of revenge because in your spirit you have escaped them. And if the Czarina truly wants me to come, she will have to order Madame Markova to send me. She will not dare refuse an Imperial command, otherwise I will not be allowed to accept their invitation, and can't go.”

“They can't do that to you,” he complained. “You're not a slave here.”