Danielle Steel - Happy Birthday - A Novel

“Those are two separate questions,” she said quietly. “How do I feel about it? Sad. I don’t want you to move away. I love our life together. Maybe it was too easy and we were too lucky for it to last. Maybe life just isn’t that simple. What would I do? Honestly, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to screw up my career, but I wouldn’t want to leave you either. I’m glad I don’t have to make that choice. And I don’t love Miami either. It’s fun for a weekend, but I wouldn’t want to live there. But you have to go where the job takes you, and where the big bucks are for you, and the important promotions. You’re too young to retire.” And she felt that she was too. “Just know that whatever you do, I’ll understand and we’ll make the best of it. I could come to Miami on Friday nights, and take an early flight back on Monday. Others do it. Politicians do it all the time, commuting from Washington, D.C., to their home states in California or the West. CEOs do it to work in one city and join their families in another. It’s not easy, but if we want to, we can do it.” She meant it, and he looked profoundly touched as she said it. “Just do what’s right for you. We’ll figure it out for us later.” But she was worried that living in Miami, he’d go back to the bimbos and young girls. He would be alone a lot of the time, and maybe eventually the old temptations would reclaim him. She felt very insecure, but she didn’t share that with him. She thought it would be unfair to do so. He had enough pressure on him already from the network. He had made that clear. They weren’t threatening to hurt his career if he didn’t go, but it wouldn’t help it either. No matter who you were, they expected you to go where you were sent. Even a big star like him. He felt it like a physical blow. Everything had been going so smoothly for them, and now this.

They walked slowly back to his apartment, and didn’t speak. They both had a lot on their minds. He kept to himself for most of the weekend, and she offered to go home, but he said he didn’t want her to. He wanted her with him, but she felt as though she’d already lost him. This time the “what if” game was real.

They didn’t make love that night, which was rare for them. They just lay in bed and held each other. He looked lonely and scared. He talked to his agent about it on Sunday, and his attorney. His agent said it was up to him, and didn’t think they’d penalize him if he didn’t do it, and his attorney advised him to move to Miami. In the end, the choice was his.

Valerie went to meet April on Sunday afternoon, at the restaurant. She was working there alone, cleaning things up, and still throwing things away. She stopped for a few minutes to talk to her mother, mostly about the wedding. It was a week away, and she was excited, although she said that Mike seemed very stressed about the baby again. It was becoming very real, particularly with all the baby furniture in the apartment, and Ellen had dropped off the bathtub and the stroller.

“He’d better show up at the wedding,” Valerie warned, and April nodded.

“He will. He’s just scared. I guess I am too. It’s a big change.” So was getting married. It all was. Life, the fire, relationships, babies, marriage. They were all big bites to swallow. And Valerie had her own. She didn’t say anything to April about Jack’s potential move to Miami. She didn’t want to upset her. She had enough on her mind with Mike, the fire, and the baby. Her due date was two weeks away. They were down to the wire.

On Sunday night she and Jack went to a movie. They both agreed that it was better for them to get out and be distracted. They had pizza for dinner at a restaurant called John’s, but both of them were feeling down and had trouble coming up with conversation. She returned to her apartment that night without him. It was the first night they had spent apart in months. Valerie thought he needed space, and she said that to him. And if he was moving away, they’d better get used to nights alone again, although she didn’t say it. The relationship had taken a step backward with the offer from the network, and it was painful. Both of them were afraid of what it would mean for them. And neither of them liked it. Valerie was doing everything not to pressure him in any way. But she was sad, and he could see it. So was he. It was just life. Things happened, even if you found a great woman or guy. Something like this could come along and toss everything right out the window. She hoped that wouldn’t happen to them, but they both knew it could, and they were mourning it already.

They saw very little of each other the following week, although she slept at his apartment. She didn’t want him to think that she was withdrawing from him. She wasn’t, she was just busy, and she got back to his place so late every night that he was half asleep when she got there. She’d get into bed with him, and he’d wrap his arms around her and pass out. They kept meaning to make love, and didn’t. They were always rushed, or running to a meeting. And Valerie had no idea what he was doing about the decision, and didn’t ask him. She was fairly certain he would go. She thought she probably would in his shoes, although she wasn’t totally sure, but she thought so. You couldn’t build a career and an image for all those years and then toss it in the trash because you didn’t want to move to another city. There were sacrifices you had to make. And sometimes, at the worst of times, those sacrifices were people. Maybe this was one of those. She knew she had put her marriage on the line for her career years before, although she’d been younger and on the way up. Would she make the same choice again today? She didn’t know. She was glad she wasn’t the one having to make the decision. She didn’t envy Jack. And it was a wild guess as to whether going would improve his career or not going would hurt it. No one knew. And it wasn’t only about money. The network held the cards here. Other networks would have wanted him, but he was well established with this one, and had been for twelve years. Valerie was giving Jack all the space he needed to make the decision, and all her sympathy and support because it was such a tough one. She knew they loved each other, but what that translated to in real life, when the chips were down, remained to be seen. She was trying to be adult about it, it was the only advantage to age: the ability to be disappointed and survive it, because you had done it before.

The week of the wedding, April was at the construction site of the restaurant every day. Mike was busy at the paper. Everything was ready for the baby at the apartment, and they were exploding at the seams, and so was April. She looked as though she was literally about to pop, and she felt it. She could hardly sleep at night now, so she padded around the apartment, folding things for the baby, tiny shirts and nightgowns and pajamas, and little caps and blankets and booties and sweaters. She had gone on a washing frenzy a few days before, washing everything. And she had to walk up and down three flights of stairs to do it, and didn’t mind. Mike told Jim at the office that she was going a little nuts, and Jim assured him it was to be expected. He said all women did at the end of the pregnancy. It was their way of preparing for the baby, frantically building their nests. Some days, Mike tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, just so he could relax. And it was reassuring for him to check things out with Jim, who was an old hand at this. He had been through it three times before and his wife had just gotten pregnant again, so they had that in common too, although Mike could barely imagine one child, let alone four.

He had made a reservation for them at the Carlyle, for their honeymoon. They were only staying one night. It was all he could afford, but he wanted it to be perfect for her. He had gone to see the room himself. And he never mentioned that the bride was nine months pregnant. He just hoped they wouldn’t be spending the night at the hospital instead. It could happen. The doctor said she was ready, and she was having a lot of contractions. He kept begging her to go easy on the construction work, but as usual, she wouldn’t listen. She carried lumber, used the crowbar, took things to the Dumpster. She even moved some bricks around. April was a workhorse who had no idea how not to be. Mike accepted that about her now.