Danielle Steel - Heartbeat

“You're not the one who would be lucky,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I would be. Why do you want to do all this for me?” she asked, still a little bit afraid, still puzzled. After all Steven had done to abandon her, it was so hard to believe she had found someone who wanted to stand by her.

“I want to do 'all this' because I love you,” he said simply. “And I want you to know that this is a real departure for me. I haven't been seriously involved with anyone in years. Probably not since the demise of my marriage. And I also swore to myself that I'd never have any more kids again … I don't want to fall in love with your child …and then lose it, if you leave me. But I'm willing to take that chance, if you're honest with me. And if that honesty is that you're reserving yourself for the possibility that Steven could come back when you have this kid, I've decided that I'm willing to take that chance for now. That's as straightforward as I know. I'm telling you that I'm willing to take the risk, and be there for you. Just don't forget to tell me what's going on, like you forgot to mention the pregnancy.”

“I didn't forget,” she explained, and he grinned.

“Yeah, I know. You just didn't mention it. A minor oversight. And how were you going to explain that one in a few months, after you'd eaten me out of house and home?” He loved teasing her, as she threw a napkin at him.

“I do not eat that much!”

“Yes, you do, but you should. The baby needs it.”

But she grew serious then. “You're not scared to take the risk? What if he comes back? I owe him a life with his child, and I owe it to the baby.”

“I disagree with you. I don't think you owe him anything, after the way he treated you, but if you do, I have to respect that. I just don't happen to think he'll come back. Anyone who'd go to the lengths of renouncing his parental rights, in a state where you can practically commit mass murder and still keep them, isn't planning to come back and be a daddy. But I could be wrong. I told you. I'm willing to take the risk. Because I love you.” And as he said it, she got up from where she sat, and went to kiss him. She had been feeling better for the past two days, and there had been mounting passion in their occasional stolen kisses. She wondered what else was waiting for them once they got back to L.A., but as long as the boys were there, it was not an issue.

They spent their last night there quietly, chatting on the terrace and looking up at the stars and holding hands, and suddenly he laughed and he looked at her, feeling ridiculously happy. “Do you realize how crazy this is?” He grinned. “I'm in love with a woman who is four months pregnant. Do you have any idea how funny this is going to be when you can no longer see your feet? Talk about modern romance!” She started to laugh, too, and they just sat there and laughed about the absurdity of their situation. “I mean you could almost do this in the movies …guy meets girl in supermarket, falls madly in love with her, and they keep meeting. Girl is married, but husband walks out on her when he discovers that she is pregnant—with his baby. Guy from supermarket reappears, and they fall madly in love. Girl then staggers around with big belly, doing Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers type dances with our hero. They get married. They have baby. And live happily ever after. Cute, isn't it? Maybe I should do it for the show. But it's much too simple. To do it for daytime TV, you would have to kill Steven, and the baby would really have to be someone else's, and then it would turn out that I was already married to your sister, or maybe I could turn out to be your father. That's a nice touch. I'll have to try to work that in somewhere.” She was laughing at him then. And he was right. It was a ridiculous situation. But he had reminded himself of a more serious question. “When does your divorce become final, by the way? Before or after the baby?”

“Around the same time, I think. I'm not sure of the exact date.”

“It might be nice if we could give Junior a name, other than Thompson,” her maiden name, and she was touched by the way he said it. He was offering to marry her, if only to legitimize the baby, and she leaned over and kissed him for what he had just said.

“Bill, you don't have to do that.”

“I know I don't. But I might want to by then. And so might you … if I play my cards right and get very lucky.” He winked, and she lay back and looked at the stars again. She wished she had all the answers. But he was willing to leave an open door for her, and she couldn't ask for more than that. In fact, it was much more than she had ever dared to hope for. She had envisioned herself alone and desperately lonely until the baby was born. It had never dawned on her that all of this would happen before she had the baby.

They left the lake the next day, and took their time driving down to L.A. They stopped in San Francisco again for one night, and then drove down Highway 5, and reached Los Angeles just in time for dinner. She made grilled cheese sandwiches at Bill's place while he got the boys ready for bed. And they ate dinner in their pajamas while Adrian told them silly stories about the newsroom, about the time a pig from a publicity stunt got loose and went berserk running all over the station, and the time there had been a food fight in the commissary that got so out of control, it took two weeks to scrape all the food off the ceiling. Adam particularly loved that story, and Bill grinned at her as she told it. They were all a little sorry to be home. And she particularly, as she had to go back to work the following morning. Bill was planning to take another two weeks off, so he could hang around with the boys, but she couldn't do that.

“Will we see you every day?” Tommy asked with worried eyes.

“I'll come by every night after work. I promise.” And then Adam. “Can we visit you at work?” “Sure, but it's not much fun.” And she was usually very busy, and Bill knew that. He suggested they go to Disneyland on the weekend and it gave Adrian something to look forward to as well. She was feeling depressed at not being with them every moment. She suddenly felt left out, and she was really sad when she helped put them to bed, and had finished reading them their favorite stories.

“I really hate to leave,” she said quietly to Bill, after they had cleaned up the kitchen. She still hadn't been to her own place, and her bags were still in his hallway.

“Then don't. You can sleep in our guest room.”

“The boys will think I'm a little strange. After all, I do have my own apartment to go to, and it's not exactly far away.”

“So what. Pretend you lost your keys.” He loved the idea, and so did she, and with a giggle, she agreed. And half an hour later, they were sitting on his couch, with her in her nightgown, and one of his bathrobes.

“This is fun,” she laughed, he had just made a huge bowl of popcorn. “It's kind of like being a kid again, and staying over at a friend's house.”

He smiled innocently at her. “They call it something else when you're as old as I am.” After all, he was almost forty.

“Do they?” She walked right into it. “What?”

“I think they call it marriage.” She fell silent then, and went on eating the popcorn, and when he came to sit down again, he smiled down at her. “It can be a happy thing, you know. Particularly between two people who know what they're doing, and happen to be very much in love. We might even qualify for both one day. We could even have a baby. Our own, I mean. Wouldn't that be something else?” He loved the idea of it suddenly, despite his many years of reservations. But he liked the idea of her baby, too, and he had been excited about it ever since he'd found out, and he kept telling her what she should be doing for the baby.