Danielle Steel - Irresistible Forces

“You're spoiled here,” she said matter-of-factly. She was wearing the same scrubs he was, but even they couldn't conceal the fact that she had a great figure.

“Maybe. Maybe I don't need all these headaches anymore. Maybe I'm ready for something easy. It might be a relief.”

“I doubt it. It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into it. How can you go from this to something that won't challenge you?” She was practical about it. Anna Gonzalez was a no-nonsense kind of person. She'd had to be.

“Easy maybe. I don't want to lose my marriage.”

“If it's yours, you won't. If it isn't, nothing you can do will save it.”

“Do you charge extra for that kind of advice, doctor?” he teased, and she smiled.

“No, I give it for free, because I don't take that kind of advice myself.’’

“I hear you're divorced,” he said simply and she nodded.

‘‘ Very.’’

“What does that mean?”

“It means we hate each other, and I hope I never see the sonofabitch again. He walked out on me when I was eight months pregnant, because his parents gave him a trust fund to do it.”

“Oh that,” Steve tried to make light of what she'd said, but the look in her eyes said that she was deeply wounded.

“He's never seen his daughter.”

“From the sound of it, that could be lucky for her. No one needs a father like that, Anna,” he said gently.

“No. But everyone needs a father. He's always going to be a mystery to her, a fantasy, some kind of lost hero, because she doesn't know him.”

“Maybe she will someday. Maybe she'll find him.”

“Maybe. I don't think he'd see her. He was embarrassed because of me.” She still looked angry about it. He had given her a raw deal and she had never forgiven him for it.

“Then why did he marry you?”

“I was pregnant. He was noble. Then he was chicken.”

“Ah, the human race, and its charming foibles.”

“I guess.” It was easy to talk about real life in the middle of the night when you were suspended between two worlds, saving lives and helping people. The world outside, the world beyond their walls, seemed at times like it was on another planet. And all they had was this, and each other. It formed strange bonds between people. Like being on a boat in the middle of the ocean. But Steve was sad for her, she sounded hurt, and angry, and bitter, and disappointed. The only time her eyes lit up and she looked young again was when she talked about her daughter. Steve knew from Anna that her name was Felicia.

They were called away to another emergency then, and two days later after some time off, they were back together, working. It was the weekend. And at midnight, they were both starving and ordered pizza. She seemed happier than the last time they'd talked, he made her laugh with some bad jokes, and old stories about assorted weirdos they'd had in the trauma unit over the years.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, as they wrestled with the mozzarella on the pizza, and she laughed at the question.

“Are you kidding? When? Does anyone who works here have a boyfriend? How do they manage that?”

“Some of the guys do,” Steve said casually, and she smiled in response. “None of the women.”

“What about you? Do you see other women?”

“Of course not.” He looked shocked. “I told you, I'm married.”

“Yeah, to a woman in another galaxy, far, far from here. I just wondered.” But she had heard that he was faithful, and liked him for it. She was pleased with his answer. More than a lover, she needed a friend.

“When does she come here?”

“Not often enough. She's coming this weekend.”

“That's nice. Do you have kids, Steve?”

“I'm not that lucky.”

“Why?” She had seen him with children in the trauma unit, and it was obvious that he liked them.

“She's always been too busy. I guess we both have. I can't really blame her. She thinks she doesn't want them.”

“If that's what she thinks, and that's what she says,” Anna said matter-of-factly, “then she doesn't. Believe her. Guys always think they can talk women into it, but they can't. And if they do, it's a huge mistake.”

“Is that what happened to you?” He sounded puzzled, and he didn't agree with what she said. He still thought he could talk Meredith into having a baby, she was just nervous about it. Anna didn't know her. But he had always thought Meredith would be a great mother, if she gave herself the chance.

“Nope,” Anna answered him honestly. She was always honest with him. It was her style, and she liked him. “I got knocked up. Plain and simple. We'd been dating for about two months, and zap, bingo. He was panicked. And I wasn't too happy either.”

“Why didn't you have an abortion? It would have been simpler.”

“Lots. I'm Catholic. I didn't want to. I couldn't afford it. I always thought I could, if I had to. But I couldn't. My father went nuts. My mother cried. My sisters felt sorry for me. My brothers wanted to kill him. It wasn't my favorite time in my life. I was going to go back to Puerto Rico after my residency, you know, to help my own people, take care of the poor. I thought about specializing in tropical diseases for a while, but it's better for me here, working in the ER. Anyway, it's too complicated to go back to Puerto Rico now. It's easier for me here. Easier for them too. They don't have to apologize for me, or lie about Felicia. My father tells people I'm a widow.” It was amazing sometimes the things families did to each other, but nothing surprised Steve anymore. He had heard too many stories. And hers didn't surprise him either. He just felt sorry for her. She was on her own, in tough circumstances, and somehow she managed. It was such a far cry from Meredith with her big job, and huge salary, the stock portfolio she had put together for them, and their comfortable apartment. It made him feel more than a little guilty as he listened. His life was so much easier than Anna's. It made him want to help her in some way, but there wasn't much he could do for her, except get her a real job in the trauma unit one day, instead of just a locum tenens. “What about you?” she asked him then. “Do you ever think of doing anything else? Private practice? Or maybe working in a clinic in a Third World country?”

“Only in my worst nightmares,” he smiled at her and she laughed. “This is bad enough. I don't need snakes and parasites to make it any worse for me. Is that what you want to do when you grow up, Anna?”

“Yeah. One day. Maybe when Felicia's older. I can't do that with her now. That was my specialty as a resident, infectious diseases. But after Felicia was born, I switched to ER work and stayed in New York. It's safer.”

“That's a depressing statement. If you don't get shot here, you never will. It's safer on the subway after dark than it is here, all those nuts who shoot each other eventually wind up here and could come after you.”

“But at least Felicia has a normal life. I can't give her that working in the Third World.”

It was a point, but Steve knew that life was also not easy for them here.

They worked together day after day, and Steve grew fonder and fonder of her. The brittle outer shell was only skin deep, and inside there was an extraordinary, sensitive woman. And the packaging wasn't bad either. He saw her leave in jeans and a T-shirt one night, and a ski jacket, with her hair down, and she was stunning. He couldn't even begin to imagine how great she would look in real clothes, with makeup. But she never wore either, she didn't have them, and didn't want them. She was a totally natural woman, with an incredible body, a fine mind, and a kind heart.

By mid-January they were fast friends, and he had come to rely on her. She was a person you could count on, and he did, often. She was hard on him at times, when she thought he was wrong about something, and she wasn't afraid to argue with him. But what surprised him most was that he liked that about her. She had her own opinions, and she voiced them with ease. Once in a while, she even shouted at him in Spanish, which amused him.